Perhaps your best friend in the entire world was dating an amazing girl, and the whole time they were dating all you kept thinking was, “Why can’t I meet somebody like her?” Every time you hung out with them in a group, you had such great chemistry with her. She was so cool. You always told your buddy how lucky he was to have a woman like her.

Now they’ve broken up, and she’s started calling you. She tells you she’s starting to have feelings for you. At the same time, your best friend still talks about her and wonders if he did something wrong.

You’re in love with your best friend’s ex, and she is in love with you. How do you handle this? What do you do in this situation?

I am somebody who truly believes that people are not possessions. If I break up with someone — and I have broken up with a lot of people — I have no problem with any of my friends dating my ex, falling in love with her and even marrying her.

This has, in fact, happened to me. My good friend Charlie is married to a woman I used to date. They started dating three years after I broke up with her, and I was perfectly fine with it.

So, if you have feelings for your best friend’s ex, here is what you need to do: you need to confirm your feelings with her.

Sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. You know she feels the same way about you, as you do about her. Have that heart-to-heart talk with her and then ask her, “What do we do about telling my buddy? I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, but yet I don’t want to act on my feelings for you.” Both of you know your friend extremely well, and together you will be able to come up with a way to tell him so that he will not be angry or hurt.

There are a lot of guys out there who truly feel that once they have dated a woman, she is off limits to all of their friends — no matter how long it’s been since they broke up. I think this is the most ridiculous thing in the entire world. We don’t own people; we just share our time with them.

Once you’ve had a conversation with your best friend’s ex, you’ll need to sit down with your friend, and do one of the toughest things in the world — have “the talk.”

When you sit down with him, first tell him that he is your best friend and talk about how amazing your friendship with him is and how much it means to you. Then, you’ll need to ask him how he would feel if you start dating his ex. You need to be honest, and tell him everything; about how you feel, and if you’re serious about her or still trying to figure this out.

He may be angry and upset at first. He may not want to see you for a week or two. In time, though, he is going to understand; so, if you need to, give him his space. He’s not with her anymore. He is out there dating, having fun and sleeping with other women. Eventually, he is going to get over it.

If this is an amazing woman with whom you have incredible chemistry, women like her don’t come around that often. You have every right to pursue a relationship with her.

This is one of the tough times of your life. You’ll need to display complete and total honesty not only with yourself, but with a woman with whom you are in love and also with your friend. This is going to be a tough lesson, but a valuable one. Your ability to be honest and confront difficult conversations with two people you care about, even though they won’t be safe or easy conversations, will exhibit what sort of person you are.

Did you like this article? Read more of these practical articles at David Wygant’s official blog by clicking here.

by David DeAngelo.

So, let’s start with the definition of the word WUSSY…

This word is a combination of the words “Wimp” and another word that starts with P, has a next letter of U, then two of the letter S and finally a letter Y.

In other words, a Wussy (or Wuss), is a guy who tends to behave in a wimpish, submissive, needy, way.

The opposite of a Wussy is Maximus during his first arena fight scene in the movie Gladiator.

The problem with being a Wussy is that women are NOT ATTRACTED TO WEAKNESS… and thus, they are NEVER attracted to WUSSIES.

Never.

Ever.

Ever.

A woman might MARRY a Wussy because he’s either the best she can get, has a lot of money, has courted her for so many years that she finally gives in, or whatever…

But, she’ll never feel ATTRACTION for him.

Women don’t CHOOSE who they feel ATTRACTION for, and they don’t choose the emotions that they feel either.

It just HAPPENS. Bam!

One problem that a lot of guys have to face is TURNING INTO a Wussy over time…

When you start off on the right foot, then gradually turn into a Wuss over time with a woman, that emotion called ATTRACTION starts to go away inside of her.

A woman will tell her friends “I don’t know what it is…but for some reason lately he’s just annoying to be around.” etc.

It BOTHERS and ANGERS women when a man that’s interested in them acts like a WUSSY. In many women it actually triggers these emotions just like dominant behavior triggers ATTRACTION.

Of course, the worse things get, and the more annoyed a woman becomes, the more like a total WUSSBAG most guys act.

It’s one of those “vicious cycles” that usually ends with the woman leaving and the guy sitting there wondering what he did wrong… and him thinking that maybe, if he had just been able to tell her just how much he loved her, that she would not have left him for that other abusive jerk.

By the way, if you want to learn how to DE- WUSSIFY yourself for good, and become a man that is universally attractive to women, then you must go and read this before you read any further:

http://www.DatingTechniques.com/OnBeingAMan

OK, so let’s talk about your specific questions:

1. “How do you interpret her behavior? Is she still interested somehow or what?”

I interpret her behavior as NATURAL and VERY, VERY PREDICTABLE.

If you do it again in the future, the same thing will probably happen.

Is she still interested?

Yes, she is.

But not in anything more than being your FRIEND.

You have, with your actions and communication, KILLED the ATTRACTION that she felt for you.

This is something you’re going to have to deal with and take responsibility for.

You turned into a Wuss, and now you’re paying the price.

You have to come to terms with your Inner Wuss before improvement can begin.

2. “Is there – according your experience – any realistic chance to get her back, i.e. to trigger again her interest and attraction?”

Well, this is a sticky question.

There is a CHANCE, yes.

But here’s the problem. Probably 90% of the time when I tell a guy exactly what to do in order to get a girl back, he screws it up… doesn’t do it exactly the way I say, etc.

And, of course, he makes things worse in the process.

THE PROBLEM

Focusing on getting her back will not only lessen the chances, but it will keep you from moving on in your life.

The best thing for you to do is MOVE ON in your life.

Ironically, the way to give yourself the best chances of getting her back is to NOT TRY… instead, go date other women, and be scarce in her life.

In other words, you’re never going to make her feel any ATTRACTION for you again by staying in touch, being her friend, and being “nice”… and by trying to “win her over” again.

It would be nice if things worked that way, but they don’t.

Now, why do guys chase women, and keep doing the WRONG things… even after a woman has left?

In our dealings with women, we guys tend to think things like “That’s not fair” and “I did all the right things” and to feel self-righteous because we’re the good guy… but miss the point and not get the RESULTS we want.

Remember though…

Attraction isn’t FAIR, it isn’t “right”, it doesn’t care how “nice” you are. Attraction can be cruel and painful sometimes.

You know, the irony of your situation is that this girl was probably just as bummed-out as you were about this whole thing happening.

Women HATE it when guys turn into Wussies.

I know, I know… she did things that made you turn into more and more of a Wuss. It’s her fault too… right?

Wrong.

Women do this stuff to TEST you.

They’re not actually TRYING to turn you into a Wuss. But if you DO turn into a Wuss, she realizes that she can’t trust you to be a man and she has to go.

Now, she’s not doing this to hurt you, she’s only doing it because she wasn’t getting the feelings that she wanted with you… and now she’s getting them with Jerk-Boy.

THE SOLUTION

As I mentioned, your best bet in this situation is to MOVE ON. Get on with it.

Most importantly, start dating OTHER WOMEN IMMEDIATELY.

Not in a few days, and not next week. NOW.

And, stop calling your ex. Stop responding to her quickly. Stop being her WUSS-FRIEND.

It’s obvious that the LAST thing you want is to wind up “just being friends” with her… so STOP DOING IT.

Next time she calls, tell her you have a date over at the house, or you’re leaving to meet a woman. Of course, make sure IT’S TRUE, like I said.

Stop being so AVAILABLE.

Get busy enjoying your life.

Get busy dating other women.

If you find yourself thinking about her and wanting to hear her voice, BITCH-SLAP yourself. If you’re feeling weak, have a friend do it.

And when you do wind up talking to her, say the following:

“Hey, calling for more therapy? No-can-do… I have to run to the gym to get in shape for my hot date on Friday…”

You feel me, dog?

And remember…

In this world, “I was a nice guy and did nice things for her” doesn’t cut it. Attraction has a totally different set of rules… and exceptions. And if you want to get and keep an attractive woman, then you’d better learn them.

It’s a skill, and you’re not going to get it by being “nice” and doing everything your mom taught you…

If a woman feels ATTRACTION for a man, she’ll do almost anything to stay with him. If she DOESN’T feel it, then the chances are slim that she’ll stay around.

These rules are even MORE TRUE when you’re dealing with an ATTRACTIVE woman who gets a lot of attention from guys.

The irony of this situation is that I think it’s a lot easier to make a woman feel ATTRACTION than it is to be a Wuss who chases after her, buys her things, and annoys the hell out of her.

I spent a lot of years of my life being a Wuss.

I made all the classic mistakes.

I should probably be awarded an honorary degree in the subject… really.

But, over the last several years I’ve not only learned how to cure myself and evict my Inner Wuss… I’ve also learned how to make women feel ATTRACTION with my body language and communication alone.

I only wish someone would have shown me this stuff fifteen years ago…

If you’re reading this right now and it’s time that you evicted your inner Wussy, and learned how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you without chasing them, buying them things, and giving all of your power away, then listen up…

THE TIME IS NOW.

This stuff isn’t going to fix itself.

And you know by now that more of the same is only going to get you more of the same.

Something I’ve been waiting for is the Love Systems Relationship Management program. For those guys that are up to that level of game, check out this video from Savoy.

Pickup101 has released a new program called Zero Drama Dating. I’m yet to receive a copy so I can’t say if it’s good or bad, but I do know that Lance Mason usually releases comprehensive products albeit some of his old products have been repetitive.

This seems like a far shot from the previous products though. Zero Drama Dating has to do with relationship management, and having your dating life void of distractions and unnecessary anxiety.

From Lance:

You probably already know about the importance of the first impression when meeting women.

Women instantly ’size you up’ based on factors such as your dress, body language, voice tone, and confidence level – and unconsciously decide how ‘attractive’ you are.

It may seem unfair, but it’s actually a pretty good system for them, since any guys can learn a pick up line or tell a story, but fewer guys can hold there confidence together in the first few moments of meeting a women.

By the way, they have done a TON of studies to prove this, ‘Blink’ by Malcom Gladwell proves the concept of the unconscious, irrevocable first impression pretty thoroughly.

If your first impression is bad, you can stay there and talk to here for hours and the way she thinks about you will almost never change.

It’s a pretty profound concept if you think about it.

But what if there was a ‘First Impression’ period in relationships as well?

What if just a few key factors that happen in the VERY EARLY stages of an intimate interaction actually set the stage for what would be possible in the months, or even years, to come?

It would limit – or EXPAND – the physical intimacy that was possible, dictate the amount of friction, or harmony, in the relationship, and even strengthen – or weaken – the stability of the relationship

And what if this ‘intimate’ first impression affects ALL of the relationships you have with women?

Short physical relationships could be more intense and rewarding, Long term ‘casual’ relationships could be easier and more nurturing, and even long term serious relationships would have a better chance at working out in the long run.

It’s pretty profound to think that even family could eventually break apart, or stay together, just based on the nature of the early interactions – but that iswhat the ‘first impression’ concept suggests when applied to dating and relationships

Lance Mason is probably the only ‘old school’ guys mentioned in Neil Strauss book ‘The Game’ that has really cracked the code on ALL TYPES relationships.

He’s dated a TON casually, (you’ll hear just how much in the video I’m about to show you), fulfilled a lot of fantasies he’s had over the years, and, unlike most of the other guys out there, he’s also moved on to have healthy long term relationships as well.

He’s releasing a lot of this material in over 3 hours of videos including, “Zero Drama Dating”, “The 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make In Relationships”, and “The Horse and The Rider”.

The best part is that for this week you can watch it all for NO MONEY.

Don’t get me wrong, he IS selling his other advice, it’s just that this relationship information is something he want most guys to have access to.

By the way, this isn’t your typical freebie ‘marketing’ material, I’ve seen some of the videos myself and there is a TON of information in there. I even found myself taking notes myself!

You’ll also get to see a tour of the legendary Project San Francisco, the house modeled after Project Hollywood that actually succeeded and is still full of happy men, and women, to this day. Lance takes you inside his house, and even inside the bedrooms, to show you how you to can create a world women want to be in.

These video’s are only going to be up for a week or so, then Lance tells me he’s taking them down. Better check it out now before you forget.

Last time I shared with you all the secrets to becoming the “chooser” instead of the “chaser”?

What is all comes down to is representing what women crave in a man rather than trying to cajole women into giving you what you crave first. Leadership, right? You deliver what high-quality women want, and you get your desires met in return.

Now, as promised, it’s time to get down to the practical ways you can become that man who women crave long-term.

Rest-assured, there are indeed certain traits that a woman is looking for in a man when deciding who to spend the rest of her life with, build a family with, etc.

I would offer that such a list follows a repeatable pattern. Certainly, it’s senseless to make a blanket generalization, but kind of as the mirror-image of what I wrote for you a while back in “Why Even Desperate Guys Won’t Marry Their Girlfriends”, I am going to list half a dozen potential deal-makers and another half-dozen deal-breakers that apply to women when they consider men.

Now here’s an important point before we get started. Just because you have the power to make women want to commit to you for life doesn’t mean you have to commit to any woman until you are good and ready.

Consider how a particularly attractive woman can inspire most guys to want to have sex with her. That by no means requires or even compels her to have sex with all of them…or any of them for that matter. She simply uses that power to become the selector from among the many guys chasing her.

When you become the man who inspires the desire in women to “lock you down” long-term, you are likewise without any requirements to appease anyone. You simply enjoy the power of selection in your own life going forward.

Listen up guys: if you are being hit A LOT with the “JBF Talk” (you know, the one that’s summed up by the dreaded phrase “let’s just be friends”) then spend extra time considering what is written below as closely as you can. Chances are there are one or more items you might want to address.

And don’t feel alone, I personally know numerous guys who women flirt like crazy with everywhere they go—and who are also completely frustrated because they can’t seem to get past the second date with any woman they go out with.

It’s like they have a “revolving door” of women in their life. Hmmm….

So take a look at the following lists from the opposite perspective as you did for the article on “Why Even Desperate Guys Won’t Marry Their Girlfriends”. If you need to consult that one again, look for it in the SC archives.

If you aren’t careful, considering the issue at hand in its fullness from both sides just may cause you to gain an even clearer “big picture” of what long-term desirability truly consists of. And…you may end up understanding women a lot better than you did just a half hour ago. Nice.

Men Women Commit To…

1. …Are Confident. Number one on both the male and female version of this list, and for good reason. It’s incredibly difficult to fake yet painfully easy to recognize if it’s not there. This is an absolute must for a man.

2. …Are Masculine Without Apology. OK, all of us have read what the extreme feminists have to say, endured “sexual harassment” videos and were possibly even put through “sensitivity training”.

Men are indirectly and incorrectly taught in this culture that being a “Man” involves inherently bad things. Well, the truth of the matter is that a good majority of women are feminine and they are naturally attracted to masculinity.

If you are masculine to begin with, the irony is that the sexual harassment training videos will be irrelevant because you’re a man and know how to act like one. Hint: “Jerk” and “Man” are not synonymous.

At the risk of facing serious objection from readers, I would go so far as to say that when it comes to driving a sense of commitment, masculine men are more important to women than feminine women are to men.

Men seem to vary in how they react long-term to tomboyish women, women who act like “one of the guys”, muscular women, etc. Similarly, women who are so feminine as to be Pollyannaish sometimes are a turn off to certain men.

Contrast that with the fact that virtually ZERO women are attracted to men with any effeminate traits whatsoever. Think about it.

1. …Inspire A Sense Of Security. A woman will not commit to a man who does not make her feel safe. Clearly, the obvious reference here would be to an abusive situation, be it physical, mental or emotional.

A woman does not want to feel as if she is in any type of danger when with her man. She wants to be free of concern regarding external hazards, and she especially does not want to feel that her guy is part of the potential problem.

Did you catch that last part? She can be a veritable Lara Croft when it comes to “defending herself”, and it will CHANGE NOTHING as far as this factor goes. If you are the one creating turmoil by failing to provide financial or emotional stability and / or are causing hazardous things to happen, she is not going to feel “safe” with you. Game over.

2. …Are A Challenge. Women will not tolerate a spineless “doormat” for long. Show some guts. She’ll love you for it…forever. And oh, um…don’t get “comfortable” and change anything later, will you?

3. …Are Leaders. Do not, whatever you do, put her in the car and ask her where she wants to go for dinner. Know her favorites and do the planning. Translate this concept to every other facet of life.

4. …Have Composure. A man who seems to be able to handle just about any situation is irresistible to most women. This is the very essence of being cool, by the way. Watch a few Steve McQueen movies and you’ll get my drift. High-strung Chihuahua guys are a turn off.

OK, let’s also do a gut-check here and cover the types of guys who women absolutely do not want to plan a serious future with…

Men Women Have No Long-Term Interest In…

1. …Lack Ambition. Women want men with goals and a plan for getting there. Couch potatoes who live with their parents and play X-box all day long should never, ever complain that women reject them. Ever.

2. …Are Mama’s Boys. I’m not altogether convinced this has to do with a woman not wanting “competition”. That may enter into it slightly, but really this is about a man having to consult “Mommy” for things. Instead, be a LEADER. Make decisions. Cut the umbilical cord. Women are repulsed otherwise.

3. …Are Followers. Your woman is not going to want to spoon feed you and hold your hand, “sweetie”. If you’ve succeeded in cutting the umbilical cord, the last thing you should do from there is tie it to your girlfriend’s ankle instead. Love your own reality, and invite her to join you there. This is extra-challenging because most men, unfortunately…

4. …Are Boring. Most men are painfully predictable. We like what we already are doing, and stick with it.

Most women aren’t exactly tracking with that mindset.

If you want to attract a woman, consider the value of demonstrating to her that you stand for raising the energy level in her life and LEADING her to a whole new level of excitement and adventure. In order to do that, however, you are going to have to actually have some excitement and adventure in your life. Consider that closely.

5. …Lack Any Semblance Of Manners And / Or Style. Are you a man who fails to see the importance of having table manners, wearing a belt and shoes that match and / or acting like an adult in public? If so, get your vision checked.

6. …Are Jealous. Take EXACTLY what we wrote under the corresponding bullet point in the previous section and apply it. Yes, I am making a point: Jealousy tends to run a similar course in both men and women. What with all the complaining about how men “can’t understand women” and vice-versa, you would think this factor would be universally grasped and dealt with. No way, Jose. As long as there is insecurity in the world and selfish partners wanting to test the limits thereof, jealousy will remain FAR too powerful an emotion to just fade away.

All things considered, I’m left with the sad realization of how few people in the world truly understand what the opposite gender is looking for. Perhaps this is because we’ve been directed by the media to blur gender roles for so long that we are all just generally confused about what manhood and womanhood are meant to be about.

Over the years this has caused many of us to ultimately misunderstand what the opposite gender truly is attracted to.

When it all comes down to it, the truth is very simple and cannot be denied. When put into words, it’s almost laughable to have to explain at all: Men are attracted to women, and women are attracted to men.

Whoever you are, be a genuine man of integrity, and you will be well on your way to deserving what you want and becoming The Leading Man.

Scot McKay has just released his relationship management system called The Leading Man. It’s brand new as of September 13th. I realize there are a bunch of products out there, but if you are looking for what comes after pickup, this is worth a look because hardly anyone is covering that. Best of all, McKay doesn’t exactly price gouge people, which is nice: The Leading Man

There’s a lot of focus on getting the lay in the Seduction Community. And let’s hear it for good, hard mind-numbing all-nighters with hot sexy vixens who are obsessed with both giving and receiving multiple orgasms. I’m a red-blooded guy and you’ll get no argument from me.

But here’s the problem. Based on what lands in my inbox day after day, there are a lot of guys who aren’t getting what they want out of their dating lives, despite having what would appear to be a rock-solid skillset when it comes to pickup.

There’s a laughably simple reason for this.

Pickup skills, in and of themselves, won’t get you laid. You’ve absolutely, positively got to know what to do NEXT. Then you have to know what to do after that, and so on. This makes logical sense.
You don’t just give some chick –especially a high-quality one—the “nice shoes” line and “close the deal”.

Well, let’s be fair. Maybe it’ll happen if you’re willing to subscribe to the field-tested principle made famous by The Man Show whereby if you ask 100 random women on the street if they’d like to go have sex with you, one will (randomly) agree.

But that’s not my style.

And judging by the simple fact that I don’t see a whole lot of “man on the street” interviewing going on out there in public, I trust it’s not exactly yours either.

Nevertheless, “the lay” always seems to be the focus. Any lay. And with any chick who can fog a mirror, apparently.

I’ve seen the posts on this site and others highlighting discussion of “100 lays” (or pick a number) being the Golden Standard by which a PUA’s effectiveness is judged.

So is there a sliding scale there for age?

Do the women of questionable quality you regret having been with count?

And do the women you could have been with but decided against count?

How about the ones who gave you LMR after you “just put the tip in to see what it’s like”?

I like to think more of terms of quality than quantity. And you know what? Better yet, why not think in terms of quantity OF quality?

Here’s what I know to be a fact. A guy who can consistently show up in the company of a mind-blowing hottie with a sweet heart and a solid character will leave literally everyone slackjawed wherever he goes.

THAT’S the guy other dudes envy.

It’s not the guy who gives the lay report to his buddies online when secretly he’d be humiliated to introduce the chick to anyone in public—either because of how she looks OR acts.
Think about it. Give what I’m talking about an honest, fair shake.

Ultimately, even more so than the guy with a string of quality hotties, the guy who has ONE GREAT WOMAN at his side wherever he goes is the one a whole lot of us would like to be.
He’s the guy who has a woman to build a history with. Someday when she’s pregnant, it might actually be ON PURPOSE.

He’s the guy who actually excels in his chosen career and becomes a superhero in his household.
This comes to pass in many ways because he knew the importance of a solid partnership with a woman of immense value and chose wisely. There was no power struggle, no high-maintenance drama and—above all—no cuckoldry.

When that woman bears him a sons and/or daughters that continue to be a source of immense pride for him even after growing up and flying the nest, this great woman who is their mother and will have contributed to the high-quality gene pool that has begotten such amazing kids.

And when all of that richness occurs in the life of the kind of guy we are talking about, it will not have been by accident.

Furthermore, it will not have been because he had pickup skills. Sure, he had the stones to meet her one day, but that only covered the first ten minutes.

And –by the way—he won’t have “surrendered” to a woman’s pressure to marry him or else she’d “walk”, either.

To presume that would undermine the entire premise.

Make no mistake: A man with a lifelong relationship to be proud of made wise decisions in accordance with his own free will, and did so vis-à-vis the presence of many, many options in his life as far as women were concerned.

And he may in fact had, at one time, enjoyed a wildly successful dating life full of as many fine women as he could handle.

It’s just that after he got what he needed from that way of life (after whatever amount of time he saw fit), he made the decision to prepare himself to deserve the greatest woman he ever met.
When he met her, it was “game over”.

Clearly, such a man was able to have full control over his destiny with women.

Yes, he knew how to approach, and how to seduce.

But there was ONE KEY SKILL that separated him from the herd.

He was able to GET outside of his own head and instead of focusing on his own physical needs, he figured out what is that DRIVES women as powerfully as men tend to be driven by getting the lay.
And once he learned what that is, and became the guy who represented fulfillment of that, he literally called the shots with even the highest echelon of women.
What he learned was that women crave commitment.

Simply put, he who successfully embodies the kind of man a woman wants to commit to will become a chooser instead of a chaser.

Are you of the opinion that men chase and women choose? If so, it’s because you are fully absorbed in trying to figure out how to get women to give you what you want.

As the saying goes, “beggars can’t be choosers”…right? Who knew this was true in the most literal sense.

Conversely, the guy who believes he can grasp a basic understanding of women enough to realize what it is that they want will be the man who women cannot resist.
Routines won’t make a great woman want to stick around as long as you care for her to. Even the most high-tech seduction techniques won’t make her stay any longer than the techniques themselves can bear.

And hell…pheromone spray sure as hell won’t do it either.

If you want full control over your dating life, and over your lifelong destiny with women, you must become the man who represents what great women want.

And great women want a man whom they can commit to.

Even women who have no desire to “settle down” at the moment probably still daydream of finding a man worthy of commitment. If not, maybe they’ve simply lost hope that he exists. And as a result, maybe they’ve lost hope that long-term relationship is even a viable option these days.
But I assure you this. If a woman has all but given up hope that a great man worth committing to exists, imagine how much MORE valuable you would be to her for that very reason when she figures out who you are.

You may or may not be ready to build a history with one great woman today. But my educated guess is that you’d like to be in complete control instead of at the whim of the next attractive woman.
And if you think about it, what kind of freedom would you feel knowing that any and all options for the future were yet available to you as far as women are concerned?

Next time, I’ll give you practical steps to becoming that man…the man who inspires women’s innermost passions and therefore becomes a chooser of his own destiny.
Be Good,

Scot McKay

Welcome to the latest installment on relationship management. I’m appreciating your comments and e-mails. I’m also stoked that so many of you guys are ready to take the long-view past pickup and look into what it takes to be the master of your own destiny with women…no matter what your personal vision of the future looks like.

A subtitle to the admittedly brash title of today’s article could be, “Why Some Women Can’t Go Three Dates Between Marriage Proposals”.

What we’re talking about here are the differences between women we want to have around for as long as possible, and the ones we can’t quite see a future with.

So let’s just throw it out on the table to get things started: There are certain women who have no idea how to make a guy commit to them. Even though that’s what they WANT most.
In fact, considering that we coach both men and women around here at X & Y Communications, the e-mails and phone calls we get on a regular basis say it all.

While guys we hear from tend to think women are the “choosers” because they arbitrate sexual activity (apparently), the women we hear from tend to think it’s men who actually hold all the cards—because none of them seem to want to commit.

Stereotypes abound in both gender’s assessments, of course.

But the cold, hard truth is that when one lacks options and/or a valid understanding of MOTOS (i.e. Members Of The Opposite Sex), one tends to feel as if his or her dating life is outside of personal control.

So we get e-mails from guys who have a serious “dry spell” going on, of course.

And…we get e-mails from women whose boyfriends stick around for years because they are getting laid and nothing better has come along…yet.

The truth is that if he isn’t into marrying her, he’s likely more into finding a better option…it’s just that one hasn’t seemed to have happened along his path just yet.

But you’ve got to be kidding if you think he’s ever going to tell her that.
Think about that one for a moment.

It’s not like most AFC-types out there are loaded down with options, and since the house isn’t exactly on fire, cutting the rope, going “solo” and actually risking an active role in finding someone better isn’t…[yawn]…a priority.

Let me know if you can relate to what I’m describing here, either directly or indirectly via what you’ve seen a buddy or to deal with.

And see, here’s the twisted irony of this whole deal.

Our boy in this example is invariably labeled a “commitment phobe” by his chick (who has too much time invested in this whole gig to walk out the door herself).

Yet, as we’ve seen time and again in real life, he could easily end up engaged to the very next woman he meets within weeks…assuming he ever gets into the position to actually meet her.

How?

Simple. Some women know how to get men to commit, that’s all.
Here’s the diff between women who blow it, and women who repeatedly deal with guys who show up with rings on third dates (the latest example thereof we heard about just yesterday).

WOMEN GUYS WON’T COMMIT TO…

1) …are inherently resentful of men in general
If she has no respect for men and cannot trust them, why would any man who values femininity and respects a woman’s inherent humanity waste his time with her? Sure, maybe she’s been damaged by past relationships, but those guys were not you, so you need not pay the price.

2) …refuse to support their man’s hopes, dreams and endeavors
If she cannot share your vision and your victories, she will likely not stand by you when life’s inevitable setbacks happen. So why commit to such an empty partnership?

3) …are ruthlessly selfish
When there’s only “take” and no “give”, guys feel taken advantage of. Strangely, such women are typically impossible to please. If you can’t please her, why bother? You won’t.

4) …are contentious
There are women who want to “wear the pants”. Yet, even if she refuses your leadership, she’ll still lack respect for you if you don’t exercise it anyway. No self-respecting man will live the rest of his life this way…except in sitcoms. It’s a classic lose/lose situation.

5) …are negative
If she “hates” all sorts of things, you’ll have to fight to avoid being drawn in. And your optimism, if not squelched under pressure, will be a lonely voice. Most guys aren’t buying into that lifestyle long-term, no matter how hot she is.

6) …avoid risk
Forget giving up your YZF-R1 and the kiteboarding “habit”. She’s afraid you might not ever come home alive when you go to the driving range to hit a few. This not only adds up to boredom with a quickness, it starts feeling about as restrictive as a straitjacket.

7) ….are jealous
There is an inverse correlation between how insanely jealous she is and how excited you are to be with her for years. Either that or you should check your pulse. After all, rumor has it the jealous ones are the cheaters themselves.

….openly flirt with other guys
This could be the most devastating mistake women who want commitment make. “Oh, him? He and I are just really, really good friends.” Face it, if you think there’s any doubt she’ll remain faithful, you aren’t going to subject yourself to the potential humiliation.

To be sure, a guy with no options may stay involved with a woman he won’t commit to if he’s getting some.
But as soon as this woman shows up, his current girlfriend is probably toast:

WOMEN MEN COMMIT TO…

1) …are proud to be a woman and crave a real man
Despite social pressure nowadays, she’s flat-out feminine. She makes you feel like a man, assuming you match the description. All is right in the universe.

2) …believe in your competence
She’s your biggest cheerleader. In her mind, you aren’t only going to win…you already have.

3) …are givers who can accept generosity
She’s nobody’s doormat, for sure. But she knows you appreciate everything she does for you—usually without your having to ask and sometimes without you even knowing it happened. In return, you are generous to her without reservation because there is no sense of “entitlement” haunting you.

4) …trust your leadership
She understands your ambition, knows the game plan and backs you 100%. Why? Because you have her best interests in mind anyway.

5) …boldly think the best of you
There is never any doubt expressed regarding your character, your intentions or anything else for that matter. And as long as you don’t breach that trust, there never will be.

6) …crave adventure
She’s your willing accomplice…whatever form that takes.

7) …are their man’s most valued confidant
Were this a job and not a relationship, she’d be the first to show up in the morning and the last to leave. You gladly share everything you’ve got and welcome her input in return. And you instinctively know she isn’t going anywhere.

…glow in your presence
The feminine joy in her heart shines through her eyes, which are always smiling. This is the telltale sign of authenticity and ultimate trustworthiness.

My guess is that even the most hardcore PUA would have a hard time not selecting a woman of the latter description first from among however many options available to him…every day of the week.
And this would probably hold true even before they were both utterly blown away by what happens in the bedroom.

Next time, given the information you now have before you, I’ll share a way to leverage the most magical skill a man can have in relationship management so as to magically attract high-quality women and practically gain total control over your entire dating life overnight.

Meanwhile, if you have anything to add to either of my lists above, go for it.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

Get Scot’s new program Deserve What You Want

Back when I was in the IT world I flew to Chicago quite a bit. Since United Airlines is hubbed at O’Hare (or “ORD”), that was my usual airline of choice.

Now, whatever your personal opinion of United Airlines is, there are two ultra-cool things about UA that cannot be denied: 1) They serve Starbucks on board, and… 2) …if you tune in to channel 9 on their in-flight audio system, you can listen to air traffic control (aka “ATC”) in real time.

While cruising at 38,000 feet, overhearing the Ft. Worth Area Control Center hand off to Kansas City Center is admittedly not the most exciting thing in the world.

But when initial approach into ORD would begin, I found myself utterly fascinated by the flawless choreography necessary on the part of air traffic controllers to ensure safe and efficient traffic flow into and out of one of the busiest airports on the planet.

“…United 6092, descend and maintain 3500. Turn left, heading 030 for three-two left. Contact O’Hare tower 132.7, good day. United 298, maintain at or above 4000. Observe company traffic, 7-5 at 2:00. Lufthansa 430 heavy, descend and maintain 5000…”

The flight crews trying to land jets at O’Hare fully understand that it’s a really good idea to take whatever ATC tells them seriously. After all, there’s seldom any doubt that those manning the radar screens are utterly competent. And to deviate from their guidance could spell out disaster.

And it’s not like there’s a power struggle or anything. The pilots are doing their job, which is a pretty cool gig in its own right, and the guys in the tower at London Gatwick, on the job at Potomac Terminal Radar Approach Control, or at the Boise Center are doing theirs.

And as a team, the pilot and the air traffic controller are operating in the best interest of everyone involved…especially the passengers.

It’s not like ATC is saying “my way or the highway”. Believe me, if Iberia 27 Heavy happens to blow an engine in ORD airspace, priorities will be gladly adjusted accordingly.

And the pilots? Their number one concern is arriving safely and soundly on terra firma. They’re all about getting their part of the plan done without any drama. For them, attempting to create order out of chaos in the skies would be unthinkable—they’ve GOT to be freed up to go about the business of flying.

Relationship Management is, in many ways, not unlike air traffic control.
Granted, we as men probably do well not to issue an emotionless stream of rapid-fire commands to a woman if we want to get anywhere with her.

But we as guys must have a PLAN. We need to be able to confidently assert what’s best for everyone involved in any given scenario. And what’s best for our significant others should take precedence over our own selfish needs, within reason. That should be by our own choice.

This means putting ego aside and making decisions based on a clear knowledge of what a woman’s hopes and dreams are vis-à-vis what is both feasible and reasonable…and executing based on that vision.

But this doesn’t mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by an opportunistic woman. If we’re in jeopardy of quickly becoming someone’s “doormat”, all bets are off.

Make no mistake. In such a case a great woman will not be demanding and selfish. Similarly, she won’t make unreasonable demands at the expense of common sense.

Just like a pilot theoretically could veer from course, summarily ignoring ATC’s solid plan of action, she could do her own thing. But if your leadership example smacks of confidence and benevolence, that won’t happen—whether you are an air traffic controller or one half of a great relationship.

What’s more, as men being able to see the “big picture” regarding what’s on the radar screen both now and in the future is a must. Without that kind of field vision, potential snags will seemingly arise out of nowhere and bite us where the sun don’t shine.

And lets face it, were a pilot suddenly to find him or herself on a visual collision course with a 777 he or she would consider that an unwelcome surprise. And trust in air traffic control would probably degenerate quickly, and rightly so.

So yes, as there is in the skies, there’s a careful balance to be attained when practicing solid relationship management.

It’s not so much about “control”, per se, as it is “leadership” when you get right down to it.

Women respond to the leadership of a great man. It’s hard-wired. But the man must be both confident and competent as a leader in order for this to function according to design.

If you assert your way without regard for the woman, either out of selfishness or foolish arrogance, unfortunate disasters are likely to happen. Such is the behavior of a control-freak I/J (“idiot/jerk”).

But if you carry yourself in an almost regal manner that inspires confidence in a woman, your ability to maintain that all-important sense of order in a world of chaos is a crucial—and welcome—component of what gives the woman in your life freedom to fly.

And this is a good thing, because someday there may even be passengers on the flight, and you’ll need to be ready.

Get Scot’s unique free newsletter here and grab a copy of Deserve What You Want… e-book and audiobook are included.

This is the first article by Scot McKay of X & Y Communications. He’s going to be our featured columnist on Relationship Management. I know many of you guys would love to know how to keep girlfriends and make your relationships more enjoyable.

There’s always a lot of emphasis placed on not giving one’s power away when relating to women. Yet, the exact meaning of this concept continually eludes a lot of guys out there.

It’s easy to see why this would be the case.

On one hand, the vast majority of us don’t want to be controlling I/Js (Idiot/Jerks). But on the other hand, we see countless instances on television of guys in sitcoms who think they’re “large and in charge”, but who in reality are nothing more than, well…p-whipped.

It’s pretty much your biggest nightmare when it comes to relationship management, isn’t it?

As a man, you know you’re supposed to provide leadership and a sense of security to a woman in a relationship. But there just aren’t a lot of shining examples out there with regard to how to be effective at it.

It used to be that men knew how to quarterback a relationship. Men were men, and the women loved us for it.

But somewhere in the latter half of the twentieth century, something went awry.

Perhaps this all started way back in the Stone Age of television, when “The Honeymooners” graced the black and white screen. In case you’re curious, I’m way too young to remember that also, but therein lies part of the problem.

You see, a major subplot of the show involved Jackie Gleason’s booming, demanding, larger-than-life persona and how he related to his wife. Though seeming to have a “my way or the highway” attitude, whenever the chips were down he would crack under pressure and become an indecisive, self-loathing ball of confusion. It was then his wife would step in, take care of business and save the day.

The genius of Jackie Gleason was, of course…ironic comedy.

Why was the show so funny? You guessed it. Men didn’t REALLY act like that. So when you saw it happening on television, it made you laugh.

Years later, The Flintstones were basically modeled after the Honeymooners. In between Ricky and Lucy had come along. And the die was cast.

Fast forward to today, and nearly EVERY television comedy involves a guy who is full of sound and fury, but in the end…p-whipped.

And because such scenarios have been a fixture on television for so long, most of us no longer remember when they weren’t.

The danger is that we as guys begin to see that kind of relationship as NORMAL, rather than the comedic aberration it’s meant to be.

The cold hard truth is this: Though women will test your ability to lead and provide security to a relationship, they really don’t want to “own” you. Not in real life.

In fact, show me a woman who “wears the pants” in a relationship, and I’ll show you a bitter, resentful woman.

Think about it. Running through the file cards of your mind, can you think of any woman you know who has her boyfriend in her back pocket but also respects him and adores him in the way most men desire?

Short of Cuba Gooding, Jr. and his wife in Jerry Maguire, you’ll be hard pressed. Besides, the intent in Jerry Maguire is again ironic comedy.

So no doubt, it’s time to get in touch with exactly how we as guys tend to fall into a dangerous state of having been “pwned” by the chick we’re with.

Granted, I don’t think any of us decide from the outset that we’re going to become p-whipped. For most guys who end up in that zone, it all happens so gradually that one day you wake up and it dawns on you that you’re already there.

Crazy, huh?

Here’s a little 20/20 foresight for you. What follows are five ways you can get p-whipped without ever even realizing what hit you:

1) Control By Weakness

She’s feeling sick or is too tired, so you cater to her (again) because you feel sorry for her. And since you are sick of the place looking like hell, you also do all the dishes …and pick up all the trash …and clean the bathroom …again.

I’m not saying that the opposite should be the case and that she should do all the heavy lifting. I’m simply demonstrating how the balance shifts from a reasonable place to “all you all the time”.

2) Stepping In When She Messes Up

OK, well she has burned your dinner and/or put too much salt in the spaghetti sauce one time too many. So you cook dinner from now on.

And she threw a red t-shirt in with your white socks again, ruining every pair you have. So you do the laundry from now on.

And whenever she does the grocery shopping, she has this way of buying $100 worth of stuff…and nothing to eat. Or drink, either.

If she demonstrates incompetence—or even perceived incompetence–enough, you’ll pretty much take over everything…right?

3) Dreading Her Drama Over Even The Little Things

Face it, we as guys can’t stand theatrical demos and hurt feelings. The last thing the typical guy wants to handle is having made a woman cry.

So instead of dealing with the fallout from potential conflict, we avoid it altogether.

4) Thinking She’s Out Of Your League

If you are not used to having high-quality options when it comes to women, you may very feel you’ve hit the friggin’ jackpot when a true hottie walks into your life.

If your mindset is such that you feel you’re going to have to be “Mr. Perfect” in order to pull off keeping her around, you’re toast.

5) Thinking It’s Harder To Break Up And Start All Over Than To Just Let It Ride

You may see yourself becoming a bit resentful and dissatisfied with how things are already going in the relationship. But in your mind it sounds like too much work to end this relationship and have to find another woman.

After all, how bad can it possibly get? Some people have nobody in their lives, so at least you have someone.

Once she knows you’ll stick around no matter what happens, you’ve made yourself vulnerable to being taken for granted.

Do you see a pattern here? The irony of how most guys get p-whipped is that they initially see their decisions and subsequent actions as being rooted in strength. It’s easy to enter into any of the situations above feeling like you’re taking the proverbial “bull by the horns” and making something happen YOUR way and by YOUR rulebook.

For example, if you perceive she isn’t getting things done or messing stuff up, you feel as if you’re taking control by getting the job done. And by avoiding conflict, you may believe you’ve taken an active role keeping peace and stability.

And by focusing on utter perfection in hopes of earning the continued affection of a great woman, you might think you’re giving 100%…which is a man’s job.

And by “never giving up” on a relationship you could trick yourself into believing you are exhibiting the masculine trait of perseverance vis-à-vis being a “quitter”.

But because you are actually afraid of the unknown, you are really just “settling”.

In each of these cases, actually, the subtle and insidious reality is that you quickly fall prey to tolerating passivity from the woman you are with, which—in a twist of ultimate irony—puts her in complete, utter control.

Next time: “How To Be In Control Without Being A Controller”

If you liked Scot’s advice, check out his new program called “Deserve What You Want“.

The reason why you don’t hear me talking about this particular topic is because it’s a tough one. The problem is usually that when a woman gets to the point where she doesn’t want to be with a particular man, there may be a lot of factors involved.

1. She has made a mental decision that this isn’t what she wants anymore.

2. She has a gut-level emotional feeling associated with the man and the situation, and she just doesn’t “feel it” anymore for the man.

3. There are usually patterns of communication, thought, and feeling in these situations that act as further nails in the proverbial coffin.

And to make matters even worse, most guys make the huge mistake of doing EXACTLY THE WRONG THINGS when a woman does leave… to the point where they make it virtually impossible that she’s going to change her mind.

All in all, it’s typically a lot easier to just get on with your life and start dating other woman than it is to try to get a woman back. With that said, I’ll share some ideas that might help you get to the next level, whether you decide that getting her back is what that level is, I’ll leave to you. So what are the mistakes men make that seal the deal and make it almost impossible to get a woman back?

Here are a few:

1. Acting like a NEEDY WUSS. This is a big one. Here’s the situation: Woman leaves, man feels strong emotions of depression, strong physical cravings for her, and creates strong psychological rationalizations for trying to get her back. This leads to calling, visiting, confessing love, crying, and other similar behaviors. Unfortunately, most guys don’t think for even a SECOND about what the WOMAN is seeing. And in most cases, the woman is already disgusted with the situation. This kind of wuss display only makes things 10 times worse.

2. Letting it destroy their lives. It sucks when you lose someone you love. I believe that humans naturally feel depressed and upset when they lose someone they love… But the problems start when you stop living, and you let the emotions take over. Instead of staying involved with life, some guys let depression and feelings of sadness control them, and wind up spiraling into even worse states of mind and body than they were in when the breakup happened originally. This, of course, can be pretty bad.

3. Pining away over the woman for weeks, months, or even years after the fact. Too many guys (and women) will just sit around hoping that their relationship “fixes itself”. This creates all kinds of negative emotional states, unrealistic expectations, and strange vibes when you do communicate with the ex.

So what’s the answer?

Well, in general, when a relationship comes to an end, you need to GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. Stay busy, get things going. Don’t allow negative emotions to create a permanent belief that you’ll never feel better again. The strange truth is that if you want to cause someone who you’ve had a relationship with to feel ATTRACTION again for you, you’re going to have to do basically the same things that you’d do with someone NEW that you meet.

I get emails every week from guys who have read my book or been exposed to what I teach that write in to say that they’ve been “practicing on their ex” and that the ex is responding by flirting, calling more often, and feeling more attraction for them. And never forget the power of jealousy. If your ex learns that you’re getting on with your life and seeing other people, she’s FAR more likely to take a renewed interest in you. In other words, if you sit around and sulk you’re not going to become more attractive. If you call all the time and beg for forgiveness, or talk about how much you miss her, or whine and cry, this will probably only drive her further away from you.

Just like when you meet an attractive woman who’s used to getting a lot of attention from men… you must GIVE HER THE SPACE TO MISS YOU. You need to get on with your life, don’t call often, play “hard to get”, tease her and have fun, and let her know that you’re dating other people and moving forward to enjoy your life. THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT CREATES THAT MAGICAL GUT-LEVEL ATTRACTION that I’m always talking about. By the way, I honestly believe that women can tell ALMOST INSTANTLY if you’re the kind of man that she’s going to feel ATTRACTION for.

How?

By the way you look at her, the way you hold yourself, the way you speak to her, and kinds of things you say. When you download my eBook “Double Your Dating”, one of the THREE free bonus booklets that’s included is called “The 8 Personality Types Of Men Who NATURALLY Attract Women”. This is a description of the traits I’ve found to be common among men who ARE successful with women, and men who AREN’T successful with women. If you’ve downloaded the book, I recommend that you re-read that booklet to refresh your mind with the concepts. If you haven’t downloaded it yet, then go here.