Part 1

So now you understand that making a deep and solid connection with a woman is something that will help a GREAT deal.

You now need to learn how to do it.

A lot of men think that this can only be done by showing their own vulnerable side and that they have to open up and reveal their deepest darkest secrets. But like I said in Part 1. This is completely unnecessary. If you do this too early on, the woman might feel that you’re a bit of “a big girls blouse” or that you’re someone who wants to talk about themselves too much or worse somebody who needs some kind of pity from her. If you open up too much with the woman and keep talking about your own secrets/problems/worries etc then she might just sit back and listen and start to take the role of a psychiatrist. (Remember, woman are usually very good listeners, and are fairly happy to listen to peoples problems) Unfortunately, if this happens then it will not necessarily result in obtaining your desired goal of “creating a deep and solid connection”

In order to make deep connection with a woman ,the first thing you must do is make impact.

Say you ask her what she does for a living. This of course will create no impact at all with her. In fact, she might internally be thinking:

“Oh no! I ve been asked this a thousand times before by guys, and I don’t want to sit here for 20 minutes discussing my job”

But if you make impact with your RESPONSE to her job, then you will be taking the first and important step in to making a deep connection.

When a woman tells you what she does for a living, you are presented with 2 choices.

The first choice is to talk about her job and as a result keep the conversation on the surface level, consequently presenting your self as yet another man who she will not remember for long. (And yet another pointless chit chat/small talk conversation that will get lost forever in the world of “pointless chit chats”)

Or you can take the 2nd choice, which is to respond with something that most people do not ask her. Something, which will suddenly create a hairline shift in her perception of you. Something which will intrigue her and which will draw her in to the interaction with you more. Something that will create IMPACT!

Lets begin with what you should NOT respond with, so that you do NOT keep the interaction on the surface level.

The 4 most common and pointless questions men use to respond to a girls answer in relation to what she does for a living.

“How long have you done that for?’

“Do you like it?”

“Where are you based/who do you work for?”

“How did you get in to that?”

Not only are these responses common and as a result she will automatically feel bored. But they serve to do nothing more than keeping the conversation on “small talk” terms.

Think about the people whom you have chitchat or small talk with. They are people who you are friendly with but not really close to, and you remain on chitchat basis with them because you have and they have no real intention of getting that close to one another. This can range from certain distant family members, people down the pub, or people you work with.

Another way to describe “chit chat/small talk” is ‘POLITE DETACHMENT”

So pose your self this question

“Will polite detachment help me make deep connection with a women?”

Answer “NO”

A better way to respond to her response in relation to what she does work wise in order to create impact and which will lead on to deep connection would be the following responses:

1. “Really? Is that something you wanted to do from a young age?”

This particular response always seems to make a small but enough impact on the woman, and she often shows great delight in answering this question. It takes her away from the mundane every day functions of her job, and allows her to remember her dreams and ambitions she once held. This will obviously lead to a far deeper level in the interaction.

2. “Does your job make you fulfilled, I mean, do you wake up with a smile on your face before you go to work?”

Again, this is a thoughtful question, and shows her that you are interested to learn how she feels about her life and her work.

3. “Really, I thought you did something more in the arts/creative/drama (pick something which is opposite to what ever line of work she does)

This will make her curious and usually women reflect on this kind of response, as they sometimes internally question themselves i.e “Do I have other talents that I’m not using?”

4. “Tell me three things that you need in order to be successful at your job”

This not only sets her a little task, but it also gets her to reveal certain characteristics about her self and/or characteristics that she would like to possess.

These are just a few examples of what you can do in response to a potentially dull answer.

There are many many more, but the point here is that you must make impact in your response in order to create connection.

As long as your manner is one of sincerity and you are not shows any signs of being antagonistic, then the woman will respond well.

In the third part of this blog, we will look at where you can take it from there, and how you can carry on making deeper connections without asking her too many questions.

Why is creating connection with a woman so important? And how can you achieve it?

I will be giving you a female perspective on this, and will show you the steps you need to understand in order for you to obtain a deep and significant connection with a woman.

I will also explain why you can benefit immensely if you manage to make a deep connection with her and how you can use this particular skill for years to come.

External/surface/superficial connection

This is the type of connection that guys should make if they are in a rush, and literally don’t have time to make a deeper connection with the woman, (i.e. day game when she is rushing a long a busy street) this is usually fairly easy to do.

Examples of surface connections:

• Enjoying the same type of films
• Coming from the same town
• Doing the same line of work
• Sharing any general interests or hobbies
• Sharing the same sense of humour
• Liking the same type of music

In a world consisting of billions of people. We can find a certain sense of comfort by finding even the most flimsy form of connection with a random person. Whether it’s the fact that they come from the same area/town that we are from. Whether we share the same Zodiac sign (sad but true) or if they happen to be in the same line of work as us.

Making surface connections with a woman are also a good way to create a “reason” (other than seducing her) to meet up again.

Man: “Yeah, he’s one of my favourite actors too, we should catch that new movie he’s in..” etc etc

This information is all very obvious and is common knowledge, so there is no need for me to elaborate the point any further of why obtaining surface connections can be very useful.

However, if you DO have time, you should try your best to make a deeper connection with her.

Making a deeper connection with a woman would create a number of changes in the her state of mind and would alter her opinion of you (positively of course), and as a result of these slight mind shifts forming on in her head, mood shifts will follow, and finally the energy and direction of the interaction between you both will improve dramatically.

• Making a deeper connection will get her to open up, and start explaining how she FEELS and REACTS about things. And this will give you a wonderful insight in to her mind (ever heard the expression that knowledge and information is power?)
• A deeper connection creates a “special” and “private” moment between you and her that no one else can touch or get in to.
• When a deeper connection is made, a moment is created, where she feels like you ‘know’ her (and she knows you) on a very personal level (psychologically)

And by doing this she temporarily places you in the same category as the people in her life that she has known for years. These are people who she can trust, who she respects and they are people who she can be comfortable and relaxed with.

So why do men avoid making deep connection?

Men usually have much more of a “bravado” in comparison to woman, and they are much more conscious of what image they wish to display to others, and generally men will only lower that bravado and drop the “bull shit” with a very few select people. Some men cannot even bare the thought of crying in front of people; even the very idea makes them cringe.

Men view strength, confidence and success as the attractive qualities they must uphold in order to obtain respect from both men and woman, and so obviously crying or admitting that they have problems, fears, Insecurities etc would only serve to damage their image that they have spent years in perfecting.

Now DON’T PANIC! I know you are thinking that this is going to be the part where I try to change you, and tell you to drop the bravado and start showing your inner emotions, fears, vulnerabilities and insecurities and become one of these ‘new age metrosexual men’

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I can’t think of anything worse than going out with a “big girls blouse” This is a term I unfortunately find myself using more and more due to the fact that men are being told to act like “a wimp” in order to connect with woman.

Having a guy take me out on a date, and who wants to talk about emotions and feelings all evening and how he feels weak and/or unloved or a guy who wants to divulge every nitty gritty insecurity he has would completely turn me off, . Me and my friends often ring each other after an unsuccessful date, and it’s becoming increasingly more common for us to complain that the man made us feel too strong, too alpha too powerful for him to handle. Anyway, that’s a different story for another time.

The point I’m making here, is that I have no intention in giving you any advice that will make you come across needy, new age, metrosexual or effeminate. (There’s enough woman monthly magazines making a good job of that already)

Women do not share the guys obsessive need to KEEP UP SOME SORT OF BRAVADO. Granted that woman DO where bravado, but the difference is that they can feel a great sense of relief when it comes down. (Unlike men who feel temporarily exposed and vulnerable when their bravado comes down)

We are more open to talking about how we feel, our insecurities, fears and needs, but because men feel that divulging such information to a stranger is almost alien to them. They subsequently presume that women feel the same, and so they choose to avoid making deeper connections with the woman.

Us women however, do not consider that talking about our problems, feelings, insecurities and emotions as weak. We can really enjoy and embrace that moment when we can finally stop playing the role of “Miss Bitch” or “Miss Perfect” or “Miss Sex Kitten” or whatever role we have chosen to convey for that evening, week, month, life time. It really feels like a sense of release when we can be “our selves”,

Men would do well to understand this about woman, and rather than him seeing it through his own perspective, he should instead see it through her eyes..

Just because your mates don’t want to open up and share their feelings with one and other, and just because you might see it as an act which could tarnish your reputation or image, doesn’t mean that woman share this view point.

Do not presume that the girl with “The bitch bravado” is a cold heartless and evil person. Do not presume that the “shy girl mask” is boring and has nothing shocking or interesting to offer. Do not presume that the girl with “Bimbo” image is empty and insincere. Like you guys we put on a mask and create a bravado, alter ego what ever you want to call it for a number of different reasons. If you can get past that mask, you will not embarrass her or make feel uncomfortable like how most men would feel. Instead you will make her feel relaxed and the respect she has for you will increase dramatically. Far more than the guys who get caught up on just the surface level.

In the next part I will share with you the step-by-step process that I teach my students in order for them to obtain a deep and lasting connection with a woman, with out you having to alter the macho / alpha strong image that you might have worked on for so long perfecting.

In Impact Makes Connection Part 2, I will be explaining how you can begin making a deep connection with impact.

Learn more from Kezia, at PUATraining.

Learn more about Kezia’s technique at PUATraining!

When asking a handful of men to describe a particular man after he has left the room, most men would probably say…

“Blonde guy in a black a jacket and jeans”

Where as a woman would describe him as…

“Good looking in a metro sexual kind of way”

“Wearing a wine colored polo neck”

“He had a nicely cut jacket perhaps made of tweed and has buttoned down pockets”

“Fairly loose fitted dark denim jeans”

“Has dark blonde hair”

“Pointed shoes”

“He was around 24”

“Could be Scandinavian but if not is probably from New York”

“Probably has a girl friend, might be gay”

Get the picture? What I’m trying to say is this…

Woman observe detail, men prefer to see the big picture. (Unless it’s cars where men usually win hands down)

Men prefer to be factual; things are often black and white, good and bad, rich and poor.

Where as the average woman tends to see the individual stitches in life’s rich tapestry,

For example if I ask a man about his friend, he will tend to say things such as “he’s an outgoing guy”, or he is “funny” or he’s “confident”. Where as woman, when asked about her girlfriends will usually give you her friends list of good points, her bad points, her relationship details and that’s all before she has even started on the topic of discussing her friends sense of fashion.

Why is it like this? Who knows? But it is .So lets get on with the more important issue of how this piece of information can help you guys when it comes to..

Assumptions

First of all assumptions are one of the 9 hook leads I teach in conversation skills, it is one of my favourites and its power should never be underestimated. But there is as with most the hook leads I teach a right way to do it and wrong way,

When guys make assumptions to woman they are usually a little vague, and might be seen as a fairly sweeping statement, where as a detailed assumption will produce better results (even if wrong!) This is the beauty of assumptions; the “wrong one” can be very playful if detailed!

Example 1

A badly done assumption…

“Where do you live?”

“Chelsea” (this is a very upmarket part of London where girls who live here tend to have a lot of money and a lot of time on their hands!)

“So you must like shopping”

Ok, lets break this down. He has made a vague assumption and to be honest, which girl does not like shopping? In her head she’s thinking a few things.

“Yeah and..I like shopping bravo, you must be a psychic NOT!”

Also she thinking he has made little or not effort to get to know who she really is and that he probably says this to other girls all the time.

Example 2

“Where do you live?”

“Chelsea”

“So you like shopping, but I bet although you like shopping you would never dream of going to those summer sales! All those people fighting over a Gucci bag is just not your style”

Or

“So you like shopping, but I reckon you’re a careful shopper who knows they can shop at Tiffany’s if they wanted but prefers to haggle in the markets, searching for a priceless bargain”

Now I have given these exact lines to students who really had impressive results, both assumptions are the complete opposite one happened to be fairly accurate with one girl and the other was totally wrong. But the girls both laughed, and responded well by explaing themselves and how they were “exactly” like that or how they were “not like that all”(giving valuable information to the guy about who they were, whilst he’s just absorbing all these wonderful hooks they are giving him to work from”

You see, he tailor made the assumption for them, he spoke to them with detail and in doing this he made them feel like an individual, and in turn they will see him as an individual rather than just another guy making vague conversation in the hope that the conversation might turn interesting,

Another point I wish to make with detail in assumption or if you haven’t noticed yet “detailed cold readings” is that guys also come across more confident and alpha, as they show they are not afraid to do this detailed cold reading and also do not mind having quite a lot of attention on them so early on in the interaction.

Attention to detail can be used also in other hook leads such as anecdotes and compliments.

Here are some other detailed assumptions:

“Whats your favourite film?”

“Spain”

“I would say, judging by your tan you probably initially wanted to see the museums and shops but when you got there you thought, nah, I’ll just lie on the beach all day and make my friends jealous when they see my tan”

So remember, attention to detail will make her feel you see her as an individual and in turn make her see you as an individual.

See it through a woman’s eyes next time round.

Now let us imagine that pick up was a medieval court. At the top you have the alphas of the court, which, in this case would be, the dukes, the princes and, of course, the King.

Lower down the ranks and roles of the court, you will find the musicians, the servants, and of course everybody’s favourite; the jester.

The jester makes the audience laugh; he entertains them by being the buffoon, and essentially bowing to their every whim.

Sounds like a popular and loveable fellow on paper, but in reality, a very lonely one. The problem with the jester is when he has finished his routine and the audience begin to feast on the royal banquet, he is not invited to join the table, and even if he had a table to himself, no one would even contemplate joining him.

Why is he treated like this? A number of reasons – the main one being that whilst he amuses the court, he fails to amuse himself.

Thus he is presented as an object that is at the mercy of other people.

They instantly lose all respect for this character.

A lot of my students come to me and tell me “how funny they are” and “how they can make a whole group of beautiful woman laugh for the entire evening.” But at the end of that evening something strange seems to happen, the woman either go back home with someone else or they give a “flaky” number. Why is this?

Simple

Here is the $64,000 question answered.

What do women want?

The answer is

Strength

Humour. Good looks. Intelligence. These three points are not as important as inner strength (this point is a whole, and very long blog, which I will write soon)

So what the student in question is displaying whilst entertaining a group of giggling woman is essentially weakness. The need to make others happy simply in order to be liked, is the same as what the jester does in a medieval court,

NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE!

I here you shout from behind your screens.

I KNOW PLENTY OF FUNNY GUYS WHO MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH AND WHO ALSO GET THE PICK OF THE BEST GIRLS AT THE END OF THE NIGHT

Well I do too! The only difference those men are not playing a jester! They act as a king or a prince who amuses himself first and his audience second.

I had a male friend who was not only a babe magnet, but who was considered by men and woman alike to be “hilarious” and I agree he is one of the funniest people I have ever met.

I recently asked him what his secret was, how his particular sense of humour seemed to make nearly everyone laugh. He took a moment to think about this and said;

“Because I’m amusing myself”

I was intrigued,

He went on to say

“I have never and will never make another person laugh if I myself do not find it funny. Why on earth would I say something to keep another person entertained,? I’m not a clown on a stage”

I pressed on; I asked him how he felt when the occasional person did not laugh? He answered

“Then they don’t get my humour, and will remain out in the cold, bewildered”

His arrogance, I felt, was part of the humour, and the shocked look on my face to his response made not one bit of difference to him; thus answering my question perfectly.

He would not compromise his answer to me to make me happy; as he would never compromise his own sense of humour to keep others happy either!

Personal amusement is, rightly or wrongly, a superior quality to have. The person you might be having a conversation with is never quite sure if the joke is on them or not, but will decide 90% of the time to laugh with you rather than risk being the focus of the joke in question.

So long as you are never dependant on whether they laugh or not then you will always be able to keep the superior role in the interaction.

People always want to be in on a joke; they never want to be the one left standing on the outside trying to peer in.

I teach my students, not to be the jester, but to be the King! Who, whilst he still entertains his courtiers; is also letting them know;

“This is my world, wouldn’t you love to be part of it?”

He knows his greatness; he knows his strength. And if someone cannot understand or doesn’t “get it” then they are the ones who will look like the fool that needs to catch up to be on the same level as he is.

Remember, if you are happy being the entertainer, if that is what you believe to be your strong point then by all means go ahead. But remember,personal if you place a group of people; as the judges of your routines; then a judge they will be, and they will become your masters.

You must be the entertainer who when he finishes his performance, everyone wants him to join them at their table, or even better, they long to sit at his.

My idea of a good number close is to make it appear as though you never asked.

Wait for the conversation to get to its climatic point ,whether that would be through making a deep connection, or making her laugh to the point of tears. You have to at that very moment, end the conversation!

And say:

“I’ve really enjoyed OUR conversation, but I’m being really rude here,because my friends are waiting for me”

This is will make it seem that she is the one who has been keeping you there from your friends; furthermore, it allows you to demonstrate that although you have enjoyed yourself you have other plans. (always keep your audience wanting more)

Its vital you pick that climatic point of the conversation carefully, as it is common for guys to go beyond that point. After that intense moment of connection there is inevitably a lull, which, might confirm the fact that your still strangers and her barriers might return.

Quite literally many guys “miss the boat” in this situation.

Next, look at your watch, as you get up from your seat/down your drink/gather your cigarette packet and lighter and say

“We should carry on with this another time”

“Should” is the key word here. It’s more effective than “Can I” or “it would be nice”

Get out your phone before she has a chance to respond and hand it to her; tell her to tap in her number. Do this before she has a chance to react or, time to think “Should I give my number to this stranger? I’ve only known him for a few minutes, what if he’s a weirdo? I cant believe he thinks he can get my number this easy etc etc”

You must ALSO say:

“Right, when you have done that make sure you put it under a nickname, I can tell a lot about someone by there self appointed nickname, you know, how creative they are etc…”

This is a major point to this technique; it covers 2 things at once

1. It distracts her from the act of actually passing on her details, as she will find the task much more entertaining (girls like this shit)

2. It will suggest that she has already accepted giving over her details (never underestimate the power of suggestion.)

Good sales people do this all the time. You go in the store to maybe buy an item you had in mind, notice the good sales person will not ask if you want to buy one, instead they will ask you how many you want. Making you believe you have already decided on it and now are in the process of worrying how many you actually need!

This is a great way to number close a woman; she can get cold feet about handing you her number, even if she likes you!

If its been a short and sweet encounter, she will be thinking “but I’ve only known
him for a few minutes”

Please don’t be tempted to think this yourself, going beyond that pinnacle point of an interaction can ruin your chances. Rather instead, use this little tip of setting the nickname task.

Remember when delivering the task, do so with absolute self-assurance that she will perform – give a cheeky smile but remain dominant. (As always when you are giving a task)

Read more from Kezia at PUATraining

A student, the other week, asked my advice on what he should have done in a certain situation, which happened to him the previous night. He went to a club which had a really hot looking woman, with two particular women dancing on the floor doing a “light” lesbian dance routine.

You know the ones, where they aren’t really lesbians, and think its amusing that all the guys will notice them and want them, rather than the other hot girls in the room. Anyway, they kept looking over at him, and gave strong eye contact as they danced provocatively together in the middle of the room,(the student in my opinion is a good looking guy, which is why they were probably giving him eye contact) he said he did not know how to handle the situation, and just left it, with that “what if?” frame of mind for the rest of the night.

I thought this was an interesting challenge and as I relish a challenge I looked in to it and came up with the females perspective of what he should have done and what he should not do.

Firstly I know loads of girls who do this, and why they say they do it and most importantly why they really do it.

These girls are not sex hungry vixens as they usually want you to imagine them to be, they usually are just what is known as an extrovert, they enjoy attention, they enjoy an ego boost and they like to “out do” rivals. The very fact they have seen other woman as rivals shows insecurity, this is the first point I want to address. If any one is insecure then they usually have a need to make themselves feel better, and its very common amongst insecure females to feel validated by male attention. We get it from female validation i.e. another woman saying to us that we have lost weight or our clothes/hair /makeup/looks lovely etc, but sometimes we need it from making a guy feel horny!

So whilst watching this fabulous display of fake lipstick lesbianism, keep that in mind! This might destroy the illusion a bit, but none the less, it will increase your chances of the final outcome, which is actually getting one or both of them at the end of the night (or at least a number)

I asked my student what the other men’s reaction was in the club to this. He told me not much to my surprise, either standing there drooling or trying to jump in and chat to them, about their names and showering them with compliments, a few alpha men were trying to step in and dance with them, only to be cast aside when the girls had got their required ego boost from him.

Being aware of what the majority are doing in any situation is vital; this is where impact comes in to play. You never want to go with the majority in this situation, even if it feels like the only option.

What he should have done

Now he knows the psychology behind why they are doing this, he will not get caught up in “the moment” of it all, he will be standing outside the illusion and observing as a spectator, but unlike the other guys in the room, not a horny one.

Go close to them when they are giving eye contact, but don’t start swaying to the music or sipping your drink excessively, just look at them with an appreciative smile.

Make the initial interaction when the songs changes, this always gives the dancer a moment break to adjust to the rhythm. it really is about 4- 10 seconds so act quick, lean in to one of them, and say.

“Thanks” They will look at you quizzically, they might react with “what for” they might not.

Tell them your friend/ex girlfriend what ever you decide called Candy or whatever name you choose (try and pick something a little out of the norm) was/is a dancer at (name a famous strip club) and that these 2 are just as good as her, but whilst she was doing it for hundreds of dollars a night they were doing it for free, and that’s great! So thank you!

This instantly will make them feel a little unworthy as whilst girls are being paid lots of money for this routine, they are standing there doing it for free.

You can also say

“Put a little more effort in to it, make more eye contact with each other rather than the guys, it will seem more real, other than your doing great”

Or

“If I ask the dj to play Ghostbusters will you be able to still be as sexy, that would be cool if you did” (little bit of humour, and a task)

Or

“ I bet when you guys go home you put on your slippers and make a mug of cocoa and watch reruns of Frasier” (humour again an assumption)

Or

“ Do you think if I did a fake gay dance with another guy it would make more impact, I bet it would? No offence but 2 guys dancing together in a straight club would be more shocking don’t you think?” (This is drawing the conversation to you rather than them, and also again a little bit of humour)

If your feeling really alpha, then step in between both and take over, by dancing with one and talking to the other over your shoulder, and telling her she should dance more like this, (do your moves) then remove yourself, and lead the other girl back to position, and fold your arms and say “now try again like that” (with a smile on your face)

All these will make you stand out from the other guys who are saying
“Oh wow you girls look hot’”
“ So…hey…whats your name?”

Or the ones, who try to join in by simply swaying behind one of them,

What you would be doing is getting your self right in the middle and ordering them about, and then leaving out of your own accord, not because they pushed you out.

The other openers I gave were all negs; but negs with some constructive criticism, that also leave enough room for them to respond. Note also; that the negatives I gave were not aggressive, (men tend to come across a little aggressive with their negs when sexually aroused but not able to do anything about it). Be cheekier, if possible, rather than rude, this will make you stand out from the crowd, and increase your chances of them wanting to know you a bit more. They know that it will take more to get you turned on, and you will be one of the few, or the only man, in the room they did not get validation from; making them desire your validation more than the other guys.

Remember, you have to act as if you have seen this kind of performance loads of time, try and give them the impression that the girl who wants to be a slut/porn star on the surface is usually, when it comes down to it, quite inhibited. Unlike the quiet/shy ones who usually prove to be a little more, shall we say; experimental in the bedroom?

Note: I realise that my blogs are centred around fairly egotistical/alpha/sexually provocative woman with insecure cores, but to be fair, these are the type of girls in the club/bar /party that guys feel most intimidated by.

I will go on to discuss pick up with the more secure and emotionally stable woman soon, but whoever the girl is you still must stick to the three vital elements of pick up; which I will discuss in my next blog.

Check out more of what I teach over at PUATraining.

Why does the average man give a woman he has just met, a compliment?

In his head when giving the compliment, he’s thinking. Woman like compliments, it makes them feel good. If I make them feel good. They will like me. If they like me, they might sleep with me. In theory it works, but the reality is sometimes a little different.

Woman like alcohol too; so they buy her a drink, if I buy her drink she will be happy if she is happy….…you can see where this is going.

Lets now skip over to whats going on in the woman’s head at this same moment of time

Man says, “You have beautiful eyes”

Woman’s head is saying a few things, such as;

“How un-original”

Or

“He probably has used this line on 5 other girls tonight”

Maybe

“Why is he still looking at me? Please don’t tell me he wants a compliment back? Maybe he wants a medal? I think I’ll just give him a little weak “thanks” instead.”

Perhaps

“Has he not even noticed my eyes are bloodshot today”

Maybe

“Funny, I never knew my eyes were on the top of my breasts”

Or

“Should I put the poor thing out of his misery?’

Or even

“Maybe not yet, I think I can get a free drink out of this guy before moving on”

Who ever said girls were made of sugar and spice and all things nice?

Now how can guys improve on their complimenting skills to avoid scenarios like this one?

Firstly the main objective of his compliment has to take a 180 degree turn. His objective must be to get a result, which will give him more value and, consequently, her, less value. The compliment must
a. Make you stand out from the crowd
b. Make impact
c. Make her lower value than you
d. Make her want to please
e. Make her feel like an individual
f. Make you an individual

How do you accomplish this?

Double sided compliments

All this can be achieved by simply delivering a double-sided compliment; with strong eye contact, and showing no apparent care or interest for her response or reaction.

(Remember give someone the role (write in)

Here are some examples of effective double-sided compliments

“You look great…. but you would look stunning a blonde”

“Mmmm, what perfume is that? …. Its ok, but when a woman wears (name of perfume) its speaks sexiness, and makes such impact”

With these examples what your basically saying is

“You look great…. but I’ve seen better/there’s room for improvement.”

The objective you want to create is to put yourself in high status/value while simultaneously allowing her to know your compliment was genuine and tailor made to her, and not to every girl in the room.

A double-sided compliment speaks volumes; it says; your confident enough to give her a sincere compliment but your also strong enough to risk losing your chances with her because of your honesty (principles and integrity)

Note:
Honesty= confidence in a woman’s eyes, an alpha man will not spin lies to keep someone happy, he will say what he wants when he wants because he needs no ones approval.

When you have delivered the second part of the double-sided compliment, the part where you have caught her off guard – as she was expecting the compliment to end after the first part. She did not expect the “there’s always room for improvement” to come along.

Within seconds you would have gone from another time waster who thinks pleasing woman this way will get him laid, to someone who has high value in taste and wishes to be pleased rather than please.

She will be attracted to the honesty, even if it could in theory jeopardize your chances with her, this in reality only adds to the risk factor and will turn her on more.

Note:
Woman love to please (I said this in my last article, and will keep on repeating myself as this is a vital characteristic men don’t assume about woman)

If you say we are beautiful why do we need to carry on pleasing you, why do we need to make the effort? The challenge is gone.

You will find that using a double-sided compliment, will not only keep her on her toes and let her know that you are not intimidated by beauty like other guys (she will presume all your girlfriends are hot) but when it comes to escalation stage, you will be able to use a full straight out compliment with even sexual connotations (no double side) she will be turned on by this, as it will appear to be genuine (remember she has categorized you as honest by now) and it will be a reward, it will be saying, now your goods enough for this compliment with out any neg after it.

You’re talking away; making her laugh, and also making some great connections with her too! More than once, she has grabbed your arm; she’s even pushed her body close to yours a number of times. The I.O.Is here are major. It’s a no brainer, she’s yours for the taking.

Or is she?

When it comes to number close, she may be more than happy to give you her number, but when you arrange a date; I wonder if she will turn up in a sexy plunge neck dress or a casual loose fitting t-shirt. I wonder if she even bothers to wear make up for you. So in this case, the date you thought you were going on is probably not, in her eyes, a date at all. Why?

Because you became the dreaded…. (Dramatic drum roll please)

“MALE FRIEND”

We will look at the following:

How did this happen?

What are those tell tale signs that show you she sees you only as friend potential.
How to prevent this from happening!

How on earth did you get in to this mess?

Simple. Lets break this down; on one hand you have a been a brilliant conversationalist, you have made some deep connections with her, and so she feels you really understand her, not just as a woman but as a human being as well. You’re also unbelievably funny, and have had her laughing hard countless times through out the interaction.

As a result of all these great accomplishments she feels she can relax, let down her guard and really be herself in front of you. Here is where a key problem lies. It obviously beneficial for you to make sure she’s relaxed, however it is not beneficial to her so relaxed that she feels she can show you all her flaws, whats happened here is she is now so totally in her comfort zone that she feels no need to make any effort to impress you.

Next, what is missing here is a vital ingredient. You have not initiated any sexual tension in to the conversation. This would be a lot easier to do if you had made sure you were in higher status than her. But unfortunately what has happened in this situation is that you have made levels of status equal (better than your status level being lower of course) but this can lead to friendship, as friendships are usually based on equality of the relationship.

Signs that she is seeing you as potential friend material

• She talks about her ex-boyfriend

• She talks too much about other men
• She is not caring how she is coming across general
• She tells you too many of her private problems such as;
  • Medical

  • Ex boyfriends
  • Problems at work
  • Problems with her friends
  • Periods

(Remember you’re not an agony aunt!)

She’s not asking you too many questions about your self

She’s shows barely any, or no, reaction to your touches

She keeps describing you as “so sweet” or “adorable” or says things such as “oh how cute” when you say something. Any puppy dog terminology is usually not a good thing.

She is not bothered if you show any interest in other woman.

She is happy to leave you with her friends as she goes off temporarily to attend to other matters.

If you give her any criticism she will laugh.

She’s happy to tell you her opinions on everything whether you like it or not.

How you can prevent all this.

If you regularly have this problem then my suggestion to you is to nip it in the bud!

From as early as the first second to the first 10 minutes introduce at least a hint of sexual element in to the interaction.

There is no problem in letting a girl know you think she’s hot, as long as you execute it with a serious and matter of fact expression. Don’t make a big deal about saying “wow, you look hot” and don’t wait for her reaction. Instead hold her gaze and then move on casually to the next subject as if you are totally in control and fully aware of your alpha like comment.

Remember, she has to start earning any more compliments.

This will also destroy completely the chance of you becoming her friend; she will subconsciously cross out that avenue. So now its whether she likes you in that way or not. (2 option rather than 3)

What you do if she begins to show any of the above signs

Lets take, for example, her bringing up the ex-boyfriend. Make it clear to her that although it’s an interesting subject and one you can see she feels deeply about, perhaps it’s best if she discussed it with her girlfriends and not you.

If she begins to show little or no care on how she is coming across, for instance getting to much in her comfort zone. Keep giving her small tasks and let her know that your standards are very high on how a lady should behave. For instance if vulgarities something you find unattractive (and is usually, by the way, a sign the woman is seeing you as a fellow party pal) then let her know how she’s let you down, by pointing out the fact they you thought she was different from the woman in here and that it was her elegance that made you talk to her in the first place.
Watch how she straightens her back and tucks her bra strap back in to position faster than you can imagine.

If she leaves you with her friends and wanders off, this is a bad sign, it means she couldn’t care less if they make a move on you or you make a move on them.

Counteract this by firstly introducing your friends to her friends, which will make her feel left out. And on her return, punish her by making a phone call as soon as she sits down, go off with your phone call and leave her friends talking with your friends as she sits there bored and feeling left out, she will begin to miss you and might value your company a little more.

Note:

Please remember women love to please men. We enjoy looking good for you guys; in fact it’s a bit of obsession.

Look in any woman’s magazines and see what percentage of the articles is dedicated to pleasing men, whether it is through; makeup, dieting, fashion or cooking. Once we feel there’s no need to please you, it’s as if the fun is over, for girls as well as guys the chase is can be better than the catch.

Remember; take control of the situation, if you become “friendship material” then you have yourself to blame, you can manipulate the conversation whenever you choose, you can inject sexual tension whenever you decide. The only reason you became friend material would have been because you allowed her to feel so relaxed that she had little or no work to do at all.

By all means make sure she is relaxed, but take advantage when someone is in a relaxed state of mind. Remember the power of suggestion will be come much more powerful when in that state. Do this rather than allow her to feel you are simply another shoulder to cry on, or part time doctor she can reveal gross medical problems to, or a psychiatrist where she can discuss her ex-boyfriends commitment problems he might have had.

You have plenty of friends, you don need another right? Unless of course you see her as friend material in that case go right ahead and discuss her periods and ex-boyfriends with her!

Have you read the manual that Kezia teaches from? Check out our detailed review of PUATraining’s Natural Game Home Study System.

Remember when I said that there was 3 vital elements in pick up, well here’s one of them.

(Vital- Crucial: extremely important and necessary, or indispensable to the survival or continuing effectiveness of something.)

IMPACT

I hope you now get the point of how important making an impact on your chosen target is! Lets continue.

Time and time again my students ask me how they can do this with out offending? I tell them that it is actually a lot more offensive to waste a girls time with the same old recycled questions and statements you were using five minutes on some other girl! I personally cannot stand a man or any person for that matter who makes little or no impact on my life. Why on earth would I want to spend my evening in a nightclub making small talk with a guy who’s obsessing about not being offensive and in turn is actually being really dull and dare I say the dreaded word…regular??!!!!!!

Why do guys insist on squeezing out every drop of their personality, almost as if they are ashamed of who they really are. What makes us who we are is our unique view on the world, are personal humor, our memories our passions our principles, sure not everyone’s going to agree, but as long as you leave out religion, race and weight then it should be ok. I will even go as far to say its better to make a slightly negative impact than no impact at all!

And yet so many guys go around hiding these values with an identi-kit cloak worn by every other guy in town that night.

Picture this, girl goes in to a bar/club she’s with her friends, they go to the toilets, she is left standing on her own. Trying to avoid eye contact with men, why? Because she’s scared of men? Because she doesn’t want to be approached? Usually its none of these, and you might be surprised to know, that its very likely she’s hiding herself for fear of entering one of those boring recycled conversation with a complete stranger who has no real interest in what she does or who she is as a person. And who will ask the same set of questions and respond with the same set of bland answers as the guy before him did. Don’t you, yourself, feel you get sick of telling strangers what it is you do for a living? I bet you could write out a word for word script of what they always seem to say next?

So how does one make impact?

It can be through a number of things

Appearance
Clothes
Jewelry
Haircut
Dancing
Body language
Staments
Questions
Answers
Humor
Challenges
Assumptions

For example;

If everyone else is fairly motionless then use a lot of body movement and if everyone is dancing around like mad, then be more still.

Always offer something that makes the girl suddenly see you as an individual, something new, fresh and interesting. Something she’s not seen or experienced before.

Start off with small things such as your ring tone on your cell phone, the way you answer the phone, an item of clothing, a couple of accessories, a dance move, or two, what you order at the bar, where you keep your wallet. Woman pay a lot of attention to detail, so even if you think she will not notice something, think again because she will!

That was the easy part; the harder part is how to make impact in the conversation aspect of things.

First of all, you are perfectly in your rights to ask her a closed boring question, not the best start if you are wanting to create impact but none the less, there will be a point when closed questions are necessary such as the golden classic “what do you do?”

We discussed briefly about reaction to her response and response to her reaction last week, and here is where it begins to play its part.

You must firstly remember that as you become a PUA you will realise it’s not just about being another confident alpha man that can hold a decent enough conversation. A PUA is someone who is always offering the alternative. He is the guy who comes along and shakes up her reality whether it’s temporary or long term. He challenges her beliefs, he makes her laugh, he makes her snap, and he will let her feel like they have known each other for years. He screws with her mind and he’s completely unapologetic for doing so.

Here’s an example of a conversation with out much impact.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a vet”

“That’s cool, you must love animals”

“I like them more than people”

“Really? That’s interesting, I imagine its hard work though”

“Some days, but its very rewarding”

“I’m sure it is, which is the main thing right?’

This here is a fairly good standard of conversation. The man is making interesting comments, he’s listening, using hooks etc, but it lacks a little impact, and she’s probably heard similar responses. He’s still very much in small talk mode and is still in his safety zone.

Lets look at this one.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a vet”

“Was that something you wanted to do or something your parents pushed you in to”

“Excuse me?”

Keeps looking at her, his expression does not change.

“Well it’s a bit of both, my father was a vet, but I chose to do it too”

“That’s cool, a job that’s of choice rather than pressure is far more interesting”
“Yes I agree, I really love my job”

“Good job your dad wasn’t a plumber hey?”

“Haha I suppose so, what do you do?”

This is just a slight alteration that uses impact, she really did not expect that immediate assumption/question when she said vet, and the result at first might have been a little defensive initially. But, because he kept eye contact and his body language would have continued to be in an alpha and relaxed stance, she will treat the question with the respect it deserves. She begins to make more effort since this guy is not giving her the regular bullshit responses she’s used too and keeps her on her toes. It also makes her feel she is speaking to someone who is not afraid to show his individuality and who is treating her like an individual too rather than say in this case another vet.

You have to keep in mind that woman are approached all the time, so if you are lets say the 8th guy to chat her up that night, ask yourself mid-conversation, what am I doing any differently from the other guys here? Will she remember my name in a few hours time or will I become a blurry memory merged with all the other blurry interactions she had that evening? When you leave temporarily the conversation to go and dance or talk to your friends, will she be secretly keeping her eyes on the look out hoping to see spot your face again through the crowd? Or will she be distracted and focus on something else that’s making ore impact than you were?

You must become irreplaceable!

Remember something, there’s rarely been a girl who has said next day to her friends.

“There was this guy last night- and he made such nice pleasantries and small talk, that I just had to have him there and then!”

It would be more likely for her to say:

“There was a man last night, he was really different, like no one I’ve encountered before, I had to have him there and then”

So stop the chit chat (polite detachment) stop obsessing with not offending, get out of your comfort zone and make impact. Remember what I said in my last blog, and you really have nothing to lose…. well maybe that hot brunette that you spotted later, a few meters away from her.

Check out Kezia’s website for info on bootcamps, one on ones and other products.