It seems that there is a major turning point about to happen in the history of the world surrounding Tibetan independence from China. I am no stranger to the news, and on a daily basis I can see there is some frequent worldwide protesting of Beijing’s hosting of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games.

Last week I saw riots breaking out as the torchbearer walked through one city or another, just to protest against China’s treatment in Tibet.

Is this really going to be effective in any way? Let’s think critically here and decide the fate of the world.

The entire conflict began in 1982, where Tibetan chocolate factory workers decided to strike because they were upset about the increase in health care coverage from the jelly bean factory workers across the street. In fact, it’s a known fact that Tibetan jelly beans are the best jelly beans ever made! They even have a flavor called “seat belt” which duplicates the taste of an old seat belt of a 1984 Chrysler Pontiac Excel car. Here are some other jelly bean flavors from Tibet you might enjoy:

Sour Apple
Cherry
Banana
Blue
Raspberry
Windows XP
Red Shirt
Corn
Poop
Dog
Encyclopedia Britannica
Orange Zing
Old People
Cranberry
David Suzuki
Soapstone
Chinese
Pad Thai
Star Trek
Telephone
Band-Aid Brand
Umbrellas
World of Warcraft
Lemon
Sand
Candy
Seinfeld
Happy Annie
97 Honda Accord LX
Beer
Feet
Irony
Civilian Casualty
Wrought Iron
White People Vanilla
New York
Listerine Fresh Mint
Stanley Kubrick
Storybook Gardens
Italy
Google.com
Grape

I think the above list is a very important factor in China’s independence of Tibet and it contributes to the freedoms that we experience as free people. I mean, think about it, who do these Tibetan’s think they are, trying to conquer China just as soon as it’s their year to shine? All I’m saying to Tibet is this: ease up on the human rights violations.

Haven’t they done enough damage already? Are they not the cause of the cyclone that has recently devastated Burma-also-known-as-Myanmar? You be the judge.

It’s not their fault that China handed all of their potential freedom to a select few people back in 1949 effectively destroying any possibility of democracy. But it is their fault for refusing to let the chocolate factory workers get a premium health care plan, just like those jelly bean workers. And I think most of the world media has forgotten about that!

And we all wonder why the world is so mixed up in this day and age of seat belts.

To lighten things up around here, I’ve invited TwentySix (Extramask/Barry Kirkey) to write a regular Sunday column. Enjoy:

I realize more than most people that I am a cynical person. Some people would call me negative because I rip on people and things all the time. But that doesn’t make me negative. It makes me funny and charming.

I decided to take a look at what was going on in the world according to the United States of America to see what I could make fun of. The first U.S. news company that popped into my head was CNN. Good old CNN – we go way back to the time of that famous Bronco chase in the early 90’s, which included the famous “Al Cowlings” (from Three’s Company).

To my surprise, right when I loaded their home page, I came across an interesting phenomenon: CNN hates the world.

Here is a snapshot of the TOP STORIES the moment I visited their website:

I realized that there is absolutely no good news in the world according to CNN. They hate everything and everybody. They are deflecting their bad mood on the rest of us poor saps by writing about violence and scandals.

But let’s put all joking aside and think about this for a minute. Let’s (you and me, together) consider the socio-cultural impact that this has on the most influential country in the world – the United States of America. If they didn’t hate everybody, why would their star anchor look like this? [Click here to view a picture of CNN’s Anchor]

The only article you could argue as not negative is the one titled “Clinton and Obama in dead heat.” My favorite part is how they made the real story more fun by adding the word dead to the title. If you’re going to add a word like that, why not go all the way? Why not make the font red and dripping with blood with a knife sticking out of the side? And maybe a hand is holding the knife. And maybe the hand belongs to Al Cowlings… Or does it?

On the same note, politicians are all scammers. One time, Hillary Clinton and I were having lunch, and she flat out insulted every Norwegian Person within a 40 second conversation. Why would she do that? I happen to know and love many respectable Norwegians, and believe me I could tell she was up to no good when I smelled her farts that same day.

Speaking of farts, I recommend that everyone view the best fart, a tribute to the show, Kenny vs. Spenny:

I bet you thought that fart was funny, right? Well you’re wrong – his face is funny. This happens to be rated the best joke ever recorded on television. Like it or love it, Kenny’s fart face is here to stay.