David Wygant Column

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Over the course of his career, David Wygant has become a sought after media personality and has been featured as a dating expert on over 2000 radio shows. On television, David has appeared on E, Dateline, ABC News, CBS Good Morning, Inside Edition, MTV, Fox News, The Learning Channel, BBC, Blind Date as well as many other shows. In print, David has been featured in over 200 publications such as Maxim, Men's Health, Cosmopolitan, The Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Daily Herald, The Boston Globe, The Philadelphia Enquirer, New York Magazine and Marie Claire Magazine. Online, David has worked with Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, Lavalife and many other dating sites. David writes every Thursday. Read more from David Wygant here.

Stop Being Such A Wimp

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I want to share a personal story with all of you today. You know that I rarely talk about my personal life on the blog – it’s not really that I don’t want to share it with 10,000 people every day – it’s just that personal life is personal!

I just don’t like to put my personal life out there. I’ve never been a kiss-and-tell kind of guy.

But I want to talk today about not caring. So many of you care too much and I’m getting WAY too many emails about how much you care about this one person who blew you off.
I’ve written about this several times, but for some reason or another, I just feel the urge to write about it again. I find that many of you put all of your eggs in one basket and you just care TOO MUCH.

About 2 months ago I went out with a new woman I had met. I’d say that the first hour of the date was mediocre at best. It just wasn’t really that much fun. But the second hour of the date was much more interesting and I actually became quite intrigued by her as the second hour progressed.

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Change Your Voicemail Now

What is up with people who use this as their voicemail message: “You have reached 310-555-1212. Please leave a message?” There’s nothing warm and nothing pleasant about that.

It’s amazing how many people I call, and the first thing I learn about them is their phone number recited by a computerized woman’s voice. Do you realize that your first “meeting” with and introduction to someone might be via your voicemail message?

You may thereafter hand somebody a business card with the intention of introducing yourself to them for business purposes, but their first impression of you will remain hearing “You have reached 310-555-1212 . . . ” Do you know what type of first impression that makes? None.

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Life is Repetitive by David Wygant

I do yoga once or twice a week with a private yoga instructor – yeah, that’s right, I’m very LA. I go to a yoga studio a few days a week and I have a private instructor the rest of the time.

So tonight during yoga, my yoga instructor Olivia and I were talking. We were talking about yoga and just life in general. I’ve been doing yoga for about two years now, and I have to tell you – before I started yoga I had hamstrings that were about as flexible as the 405. I had shoulders that if you pinned me back a certain way, not only would they not touch the ground – they would scream their way back up in the other direction.

After practicing yoga for a couple of years, each day my hamstring moves a little bit more. Each time I do yoga, my shoulders touch the ground a little bit more. Every day I get a little bit further in my practice.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Stop Selling Yourself by David Wygant

As those of you who have been reading the blog know, I’ve been shopping for a new house lately. Whenever I walk into a new house, or if I’m looking to buy a new car, or audio equipment, video equipment, whatever – I always walk in and look at the salesperson as they are about to start their spiel and say, “you can’t close me. I am not somebody you can ever close. So you don’t need to give me the spiel; let me figure this out for myself. You can hang out with me for a little bit, and if I like you, I’ll probably give you some business.”

I’ve found that many people, when approaching someone of the opposite sex, are just trying to close the deal. They are just trying to sell themselves.

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The 10PM Rule by David Wygant

I have this concept called “The 10 p.m. Rule.” The biggest mistake men make on a Friday night is . . . going out on a Friday night. Most men tend to gear up for a Friday night that never ever takes off. How many times have you been out on a Friday night where the only thing in your hand at the end of the evening is a bill an an empty bottle of beer?

Women go out on a Friday night to communicate with their friends. Now, granted, if they meet somebody that is a huge bonus. But most of the time, they’re going out to bond.

Men head out on a Friday night with a hunter and gatherer mentality. They go out with the sole purpose of meeting women, and their energy is thus very desperate and pack-like. So what can a man do to assure his success in meeting women on a Friday night? This is where my “10 p.m. Rule” comes into play.

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Walk Away by David Wygant

In order to grab the woman that you want, you need to learn the art of walking away. Most men will not walk away.

What happens to most men is that they’ll go to a party, find a woman they want to talk to, smother her, and they won’t leave . . . this results in the woman’s attraction level dropping each minute this continues. The opposite result occurs, i.e., the attraction increases, when you walk away from a woman to whom you’re most attracted.

Take this example. You walk up to talk to a woman you’re really attracted to, you connect and have a good conversation with her for a couple of minutes, and then . . . you walk away. When you walk away, it gives her a moment to reflect and to think “That guy just walked away. No one just walks away. Most men smother me. How come this guy just walked away?”

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Pimping Out Your Dog by David Wygant

I get a great question all of the time from both men and women: what do you do when you see someone who you are attracted to who is walking their dog, and you think, man, I really want to meet them?

Most people make a common mistake in this situation. Instead of going directly to the dog – I’m not talking about lurching at the dog so it bites you – but instead of putting your hand out and going directly to the dog and talking to the dog and getting to know it, people will just make a passive comment about the dog in a monotone voice. “I like your dog.”

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Date Like A Surfer by David Wygant

I recently spent a week in Hawaii, and while I was there I learned how to surf for the very first time. Now I’ve got to tell you that Wygant on water, ice or snow tends to be comical and is a site to see. If you’ve ever seen me tumble down a mountain or sporting ice skates or roller blades, then you know why.

So when I got to Hawaii and Alison suggested that we go surfing, my first thought was “no way,” but I told her “Sure, whatever, I’ll go with you” because I am a trooper . . . and because my ego wouldn’t allow me not to go. So when we get there, I don’t expect be able to get up at all. Now, I’ve normally never had trouble ‘getting it up’ in life, but in this situation I did not expect to get up.

Our surfing instructor, Ron, was a really cool guy and he began to explain everything. I’ll provide a link to his website for any of you who make it to Hawaii one day. As Ron was talking to us, I was in another world thinking “There’s no way I am going to be able to get up on that surfboard. It’s not going to happen.”

Popularity: 9% [?]

Are You A Human Golden Retriever? By David Wygant

The following is a talk I gave to a client at a weekend bootcamp. This is a great example of my direct one-on-one coaching during bootcamps.

Whenever you try too hard in life to get people to like you, you push everybody away.

When you do this, you’re too over the top and you’re generally not listening to people. You’re actually overwhelming them.

It’s like a Golden Retriever: have you ever gone over to someone’s house and they have a Golden Retriever, and you’ve never met this dog before, but the dog will just not leave you alone? It just keeps running over to you, bringing you its ball, and all of its toys and everything?

In a dog, this is a great quality. In a human – well, you don’t want to be a human Golden Retriever.

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Practice Your Storytelling by David Wygant

Do you know what is great? Practicing your storytelling. Women are attracted – actually, people in general are attracted to people who are charismatic and can tell a good story.

I know I’ve written blogs about telling stories before, but I want to go even deeper into this today. There are so many emotions that you can convey to people through stories. They tell something about your personality.

When you are there and you are talking to somebody, and they are in quiet mode – sometimes we’re in quiet mode, sometimes we’re in talkative mode – but let’s say this person is in quiet mode. All of a sudden, you start doing the talking – you’d better be interesting! All of us are interesting because we’ve all done things in our lives – but the difference is in the way we share that story.

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Live The Life You Love by David Wygant

“Live the life you love. Love the life you live.”

These are the exact words on the charm on my dog’s collar. It’s interesting that a five year-old black Labrador can be walking around with a statement that most people don’t follow.

Think for a second. You are trying to attract (note that the key word here is “attract”) a member of the opposite sex for you to date. Most people don’t understand the art of attraction, and they spend their nights chasing the opposite sex in places that they’re not having fun.

Let’s go deeper into this. What makes you think that if you go out on a Friday or Saturday night, that you are going to meet somebody . . . especially if you have never really met somebody interesting before on a Friday or Saturday night?

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How Not To Ask A Woman For Sex by David Wygant

Recently one of the readers who read my blog sent me the following IM session, and she asked me to publish it so that men can understand that this doesn’t work! Before you read the IM session, let’s talk about what not to do, because the IM session that follows is the classic case of a caveman trying to have sex without seducing and intriguing a woman’s mind.

It is unbelievable that men still think that they can instant message a woman, and immediately suggest perverted acts without even setting the scene and seducing her. The man who uses the technique of the GEICO caveman and the chap below are the same type of man, ladies, who won’t do ANY foreplay with you. It’s all about him getting off.

Most men just don’t seem to get it. The way to seduce a woman via IM is to do a slow, verbal tease. It makes for a lot more fun, and it turns her on a hell of a lot more than the caveman below. If you want to learn how to successfully seduce and intrigue a woman via instant messaging, then you need to stay tuned for another blog down the road.

Popularity: 12% [?]