I know it is a problem because I teach workshop/seminars a couple of times a month and I see it first hand and this is something that can save you a lot of time and wasted energy.

Some of you have goals and objectives while learning this “Game.” Others just take it one day at a time. If you are going to set objectives in this game, make sure at the very top is the freedom to exist. Well, what the heck does that mean?

It means if you are going to set up goals for yourself, your eventual goal is to believe so strongly in yourself that you can walk up to anyone and be comfortable.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, it is so difficult. This is not a goal that is achieved over night. It takes time and effort and you must work towards it. I have met and winged with some of the best of the best as far as the pick-up game is concerned, and I can tell you that even some of these guys haven’t achieved this.

A lot of guys will argue about what to say upon first meeting girl and what the tactic or strategy should be. Here is what I would like you to understand: It’s not about the words. It’s ABOUT A MINDSET.

Lacking these internal belief structures, a person will often resort to looking at things through a different lens. He looks at everything through the frame of techniques and tactics, henceforth completely missing the point regarding the self-belief. This indicates that to this person, everything is still a technique, not an organic and natural process.

To truly not give a damn and have such a strong self-image to approach anyone is not a trick. It is not a tactic. It comes from the power of belief and it comes from a deeper place.

It takes time to get there. It helps if you realize what it is you should be focusing on. You go in with the mentality that “I do NOT need to resort to trickery and tactics” in order to get a woman.

I am not saying that “Tools” are bad in general. There are some tools that are useful at some point. However, to be able to just be present and a relaxed cool individual is to be able to free yourself of constantly reaching inside your bag of tools.

Even the tools are not tools. I’ll explain: One of the things I teach to guys is the art of story telling. Now, two years ago, I may have thought that this is a great tool to have. However, having the ability to tell stories in an interesting and captivating manner is not a tool. It is forcing you to make a fundamental change in yourself.

Once you learn how to tell a proper story and be interesting, you will have made a permanent change. Once you become a good storyteller, you can’t go back to the way you were. It’s like riding a bike. You cannot unlearn it.

You are no longer reaching in your bag silently thinking to yourself, “Aha, I will pull out my tool of “Story telling” at this point in the pickup. It will be the equivalent of photon torpedoes and will weaken her deflector shields.” No!

You just become a more interesting person who enjoys sharing a good story or two because you have internalized good story telling and now it has become second nature.

Again: This article is not about the words that you say when you approach a woman. It’s about a STATE OF MIND. It is about a PARADIGM SHIFT.

It’s about a mentality to be able express oneself without pretense. It does not really matter what you open the conversation with. You want to be confident and playful? Fine! Do so because you are a person who enjoys having a good time and one who enjoys teasing people. Don’t do it because it is a tool you pull out of your hidden bag.

I recall, many years ago, watching “The Lost Interview” with Bruce Lee where he talked about expressing oneself and the difficulty in doing so.

Bruce said, “It is easy to for me to put on a show and be flooded with a cocky feeling, and then feel pretty cool, or do some phony things and be blinded by it, or show you some fancy movement………. but to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, to express myself honestly…..That, my friend, is very hard to do.”

I also recall not completely understanding what he was discussing the first time I heard this interview. I was a teenager and it didn’t make a lot of sense. He is very correct, however. It is easy to put on a fancy show and try to impress people, but to honestly express yourself is very difficult.

The chief goal of any self-help environment ought to be trying to get you to feel comfortable in your own skin and be at peace with yourself. To genuinely feel and exude that is difficult. To me, being able to express yourself without excuses is the ultimate state of alphaness. Yet, what do you usually find in guys who are “Trying” to be alpha?

Firstly, let’s understand this: You have a lot of guys who are trying to prove that they are “Alpha.” Well, if you are “Trying” to be it, then you really are not alpha.

I constantly run into such guys who are trying to be alpha: Their behaviors manifest themselves in the following two ways.

A. They act like jerks, they behave in a standoffish manner, they try to ignore people as though these people are beneath them, and they exude other similar pompous behavior.

This is obviously the behavior of an insecure person. If you are comfortable with yourself, you don’t need to mistreat someone to give yourself status. Isn’t funny to realize that in many cases overindulgence in arrogance is actually driven from insecurity?

B. They try to dominate every conversation. They must at all times be the center of attention.

This second category is really easy to notice. You can have a group of 5 guys talking and you’ll see one guy constantly cutting people off to interject his point of view and constantly striving to get attention.

If he is not interjecting to get his point in, he is drawing attention to himself through wisecracks or other juvenile behavior. His starvation for other people’s attention becomes laughably obvious and after a while, it becomes annoying. This also is deeply rooted in insecurity.

Thus, to be genuine and comfortable, you do not need to be a jerk, and nor do you need to be the center of attention every single minute. you can be in your space and if someone else has the floor, you can listen comfortably because you are secure in who you are.

You are not there to prove anything. You can enjoy someone else’s words because you are actually listening to that person speak, and not worrying about what you should say to garner attention back to yourself every step of the way.

Whether you consider yourself a novice in meeting women or somewhat experienced, you should always keep this ideal in mind. Not being comfortable with who you are manifests itself in so many ways.

**It will drive you to try and impress people all the time.


**It will drive you to continually search for more pickup lines.


**It will drive you to many times behave like a pompous jackass.


**It will drive you to constantly try and bring attention to yourself.


**It will drive you to impress people by whom you have sitting next to you.


**It will drive you to impress by telling people what kind of a cool car you have, what celeb you met, or how much money you just made.


**It will drive you to be socially frightened.
**It will drive you women away from you.

Thus, making “becoming comfortable with who you are,” is one of the top priorities. While it is not the only priority, it should be one of the top messages emphasized by anyone giving dating advice.

Instead, guys are chasing their own tails trying to learn more openers, more cute lines, more tricky pickup lines, more secret tactics, more, more, more. When is it going to end?

It ends when you realize that probably the biggest reason you are at this cross road is because you are not comfortable with who you are. It takes a bit of an ego check to admit this, but admitting is the first step to progress.

I’ll be honest with you: I have met many people giving dating advice and many of them are not very comfortable in their own skin either. It is not an easily achieved feat, but it is what your master goal should be. Now, obviously, there are people who are more comfortable than others, but a chief goal ought to be making progress in this area.

There exists a substantial amount of people, male and female, who are not comfortable with themselves and they build layers to mask that discomfort. Instead of helping peel off the layers of façade, many people seem to advise these folk to hide under more layers.

I am not some super monk sitting on top of the mountain being at one with the Universe. We are all at different levels of comfort. We are at different stages in our journey. However, I want to make sure that people are focusing on the right issues and that this focus will help them achieve their desired states.

Once again, if someone is socially awkward then it is logical that he would seek to remedy that situation. However, to crawl out of the hole of social ineptness onto the plateau of a socially savvy person is not a tool or a technique. It is a person making fundamental changes in himself.

Similarly, becoming comfortable and being able to exist and walk through life in a manner where you feel good about yourself, and in a manner where you feel the freedom to exist and express yourself is not a tool.

It is not a tactic!

It is a paradigm shift in your thinking, beliefs, ideals, and behavior!

Too many people walk around living in fear, fear of how others may perceive them, fear of being ridiculed, fear of not being good enough, fear of making a mistake and looking foolish…….. And to compensate for these fears, they put on a persona. In the dating scene, people pretend to be Rock starts, or they wear outlandish clothing to help give them something to be. They don’t ever discover what their true core is because they’re too busy borrowing other people’s gimmicks and personas and wearing false masks to hide what they are in their own center.

Living in fear is no way to live! Chances are that you may have these same limiting beliefs and share these fears.

This fear stifles creativity and individual expression. It oppresses a free existence. It carries over in dating, in the workplace, in school and many other social areas.

The point of this article is to bring focus to an often neglected area. Like Napoleon Hill once said, “You end up where your focus is.”

It’s time to start focusing on HOW you can eradicate these social fears and start becoming comfortable with who you are regardless of your culture, race, ethnicity, social status, and economic status.

It is about a strong enough self-image where you don’t feel like you must carry your invisible bag of tools at all times or you are doomed. It is about the ability to be in the moment and genuine when you meet another human being regardless of his socio-economic background, regardless of whether she/he is famous or unknown, and regardless of whether she is attractive or unattractive.

**IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT EXCUSES.


**IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXIST.


**IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO BE IN THE MOMENT.


**IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO JUST BE.

That, fellas, is attractive.

Cameron Teone

As a gift for subscribing to the RSS, download my $6.95 Blueprint To Inner Game Success for free.

Seduction Chronicles Quick Links: VH1 Pickup Artist, David DeAngelo, Neil Strauss, Ross Jeffries, Paul Janka, Double Your Dating, Mystery Method, Real Social Dynamics, Wayne Elise

]]> http://www.seduction-chronicles.net/2008/10/13/the-freedom-to-exist-by-cameron-teone/feed/ 3 http://www.seduction-chronicles.net/2008/10/01/what-game-really-is/ http://www.seduction-chronicles.net/2008/10/01/what-game-really-is/#comments Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:46:52 +0000 Cameron Teone http://www.seduction-chronicles.net/?p=828 You probably have often heard this infamous phrase: “Man, that guy has game!”

What does that mean? How is it that one guy “Has game” and the next guys doesn’t? What does it really imply to even have game? What sort of a mystical power is this? What the f*ck is game anyway?

Let me strip it down to its basic components for ya!

We say a guy “Has game” when he is pretty good at attracting women to himself. The good old 80/20 rule applies here. 20% of men probably have game and the other 80% sort of fall into various categories of having little to no game.

Regardless of whether a guy learned to be good attracting women through the seduction community or just happened to be naturally good at it, he possesses certain ingredients.

In fact, to make it really simple: Let’s say this dude is a “Natural.” He’s never heard of the “Seduction Community” nor does he care about it. He is just good with women. He has game.

Well, here is what game really is broken down to 3 components:

***ATTITUDE***

(The balls factor)

This means having big balls, taking chances, and having some alpha-male characteristics. That means he is confident and has maybe an edge of cockiness even perhaps. It’s best summed up in the word Attitude. (Not attitude problem, but just an aura that the guy has high self-esteem.)

***SOCIAL CALIBRATION & SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE***

In the business, we call it “Calibration.” It’s Knowing what to say, and WHEN to say it! It’s Having an intuitive understanding of the type of women you’re talking to, and the circumstances you’re in.

Men who are players have some intuitive understanding of social dynamics. They know when to push and when to pull back a bit, they know are able to gauge their target demographic. It also means having a good nose for knowing when to go for the close because she is ready…..

I’ve met guys who have male-bimbos who were good at attracting certain type of women, only because they intuitively understood their target demographic (which happened to be other airhead females, but they’re good at working that target audience.)

*** Ability to Be INTERESTING and APPEALING on some level***

Whether it’s through humor, great storytelling, or intriguing conversations, the guy is able to create interest on some level. This includes guys who are not even very intelligent, but they’re still able to tell idiotic stories of their exploits that engage their target demographic. (Picture the drunken idiot fraternity boy here.)

Most naturals seem to be pretty good storytellers. Even if they grew up in a small town and had the plain small town American experience, they’re still are good at conveying it.

You have to be interesting as a person on some level and story telling is one of those ways. Whether you’re an intellectual or a stereotypical jock, you have to be able to convey that on some level.

That’s all Game is. When you hear someone say, “That guy has game,” he basically has some attitude/confidence, is interesting and is able to calibrate well because he has social intelligence.

That’s it!

The riddle is solved!

Guess we can all go home now and resume our normal lives. If it’s that simple, why is it difficult for some guys to get it? Or rather, why don’t some guys ever improve significantly?

That’s because each of the main 3 points can take time to develop and there are a lot of nuances to be learned within each of the aforementioned areas.

I shared this little insight with my buddy Jay, and he was very adamant about me mentioning that just because someone possesses these 3 qualities, does not mean they can go and pick up women everywhere and anywhere.

He has a point. I can see how the post would be misconstrued. This post is merely drawing an outline. It’s a bird’s eye view, a macro description of the entire process. It’s not an end-all, be-all solution, but rather a broad roadmap.

Guys who are good and do well consistently have learned what their demographic is and what environments they do best in. (I suppose this’d fall under calibration anyway. There will be an important future blog entry about target demographics, something nobody in the community is talking about.)

* Learning your environment:

Some guys are great at the bar/night club scene but don’t like approaching much during normal every day hours. Then there are guys who just hate bars/clubs and they don’t do well in bars and nightclubs. Yet, they’ve done consistently well for themselves despite not being bar people.

Others have learned to meet girls effectively working their social circle scene. Some had jobs or careers that were conducive to meeting women, doormen, bartenders, bouncers, DJs, club promoters and etc.

Some guys have learned to do really well meeting women online.

Despite where and how they meet women, these guys excel at these areas. This post is not about pickup artists. It’s about men who attract women on some level and do well for themselves.

This blog entry is designed to provide you with a [very general] roadmap of sorts to allow you to see where you need to make improvements. Maybe you want to date multiple women or maybe you want a good girlfriend whom you are attracted to physically and personality wise. Be honest with yourself and your sticking points.

Troubleshooting:

If you’re stuck and not getting decent results, you’re probably lacking in one of these areas.

* Lack of attitude/confidence

Ok, so you have learned some openers, some routines, and are able to get the conversation started but you lack balls. You are too caught up in what other people (including women) may think of you. You are held back by too much fear and hesitation. Or you could display needy and supplicating behavior, which are usual symptoms of a low self-image if you dig deep enough.

* Lack of Calibration

Maybe you don’t have that much fear or hesitation, but you just haven’t improved your social intelligence. Man, the seduction community is full of such guys. You say the wrong thing at the wrong time. You apply tactics when there is no need for tactics and you try to be alpha when there is no need to prove yourself.

You learn about negs and misapply them. You neg an archetype of woman when you should be complimenting her, and you compliment a type of woman whom you should be telling to fuck off. (Not in those exact words, however.)

* Not interesting or appealing

You are just not that interesting to be talk to. There is no appeal or lure to draw them to ya. This has nothing to do with physical attraction. It’s about personality. Maybe you have a great personality but you haven’t learn to convey that personality properly, or maybe you freeze up around women and then you can’t display your cool personality (which brings up the first issue: lack of attitude and overwhelmed by fear.)

Start working on the areas you need improvements on. At the end of the day, one thing is for sure: A guy who possesses the ingredients will do OK for himself. This isn’t about becoming a PUA, hitting on 5000 women a day, or bragging to your friends about your number-closes and other retarded community dogma.

It’s that the Man who:

1. Has Balls and confidence,
2. Possesses social intelligence and calibration,
3. and is Interesting as a person/human being

will attract his fair share of females. This is despite race, hair, color, ethnicity, height, flashy clothes, religion, and other superficial differences.

Next time you see some random guy in your town, neighborhood or social circles who seems to do well with women, take a closer look and you’ll see that he possesses the aforementioned components. Perhaps you may be at a house party and you notice one guy who seems to have the women attracted to him.

Others will say, “Dude, that guy has game…..” but won’t be able to express why or how.

Having read this post, You will know exactly why.

As a gift for subscribing to the RSS, download my $6.95 Blueprint To Inner Game Success for free.

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