Why is creating connection with a woman so important? And how can you achieve it?
I will be giving you a female perspective on this, and will show you the steps you need to understand in order for you to obtain a deep and significant connection with a woman.
I will also explain why you can benefit immensely if you manage to make a deep connection with her and how you can use this particular skill for years to come.
External/surface/superficial connection
This is the type of connection that guys should make if they are in a rush, and literally don’t have time to make a deeper connection with the woman, (i.e. day game when she is rushing a long a busy street) this is usually fairly easy to do.
Examples of surface connections:
- Enjoying the same type of films
- Coming from the same town
- Doing the same line of work
- Sharing any general interests or hobbies
- Sharing the same sense of humour
- Liking the same type of music
In a world consisting of billions of people. We can find a certain sense of comfort by finding even the most flimsy form of connection with a random person. Whether it’s the fact that they come from the same area/town that we are from. Whether we share the same Zodiac sign (sad but true) or if they happen to be in the same line of work as us.
Making surface connections with a woman are also a good way to create a “reason” (other than seducing her) to meet up again.
Man: “Yeah, he’s one of my favourite actors too, we should catch that new movie he’s in..” etc etc
This information is all very obvious and is common knowledge, so there is no need for me to elaborate the point any further of why obtaining surface connections can be very useful.
However, if you DO have time, you should try your best to make a deeper connection with her.
Making a deeper connection with a woman would create a number of changes in the her state of mind and would alter her opinion of you (positively of course), and as a result of these slight mind shifts forming on in her head, mood shifts will follow, and finally the energy and direction of the interaction between you both will improve dramatically.
- Making a deeper connection will get her to open up, and start explaining how she FEELS and REACTS about things. And this will give you a wonderful insight in to her mind (ever heard the expression that knowledge and information is power?)
- A deeper connection creates a “special” and “private” moment between you and her that no one else can touch or get in to.
- When a deeper connection is made, a moment is created, where she feels like you ‘know’ her (and she knows you) on a very personal level (psychologically)
And by doing this she temporarily places you in the same category as the people in her life that she has known for years. These are people who she can trust, who she respects and they are people who she can be comfortable and relaxed with.
So why do men avoid making deep connection?
Men usually have much more of a “bravado” in comparison to woman, and they are much more conscious of what image they wish to display to others, and generally men will only lower that bravado and drop the “bull shit” with a very few select people. Some men cannot even bare the thought of crying in front of people; even the very idea makes them cringe.
Men view strength, confidence and success as the attractive qualities they must uphold in order to obtain respect from both men and woman, and so obviously crying or admitting that they have problems, fears, Insecurities etc would only serve to damage their image that they have spent years in perfecting.
Now DON’T PANIC! I know you are thinking that this is going to be the part where I try to change you, and tell you to drop the bravado and start showing your inner emotions, fears, vulnerabilities and insecurities and become one of these ‘new age metrosexual men’
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
I can’t think of anything worse than going out with a “big girls blouse” This is a term I unfortunately find myself using more and more due to the fact that men are being told to act like “a wimp” in order to connect with woman.
Having a guy take me out on a date, and who wants to talk about emotions and feelings all evening and how he feels weak and/or unloved or a guy who wants to divulge every nitty gritty insecurity he has would completely turn me off, . Me and my friends often ring each other after an unsuccessful date, and it’s becoming increasingly more common for us to complain that the man made us feel too strong, too alpha too powerful for him to handle. Anyway, that’s a different story for another time.
The point I’m making here, is that I have no intention in giving you any advice that will make you come across needy, new age, metrosexual or effeminate. (There’s enough woman monthly magazines making a good job of that already)
Women do not share the guys obsessive need to KEEP UP SOME SORT OF BRAVADO. Granted that woman DO where bravado, but the difference is that they can feel a great sense of relief when it comes down. (Unlike men who feel temporarily exposed and vulnerable when their bravado comes down)
We are more open to talking about how we feel, our insecurities, fears and needs, but because men feel that divulging such information to a stranger is almost alien to them. They subsequently presume that women feel the same, and so they choose to avoid making deeper connections with the woman.
Us women however, do not consider that talking about our problems, feelings, insecurities and emotions as weak. We can really enjoy and embrace that moment when we can finally stop playing the role of “Miss Bitch” or “Miss Perfect” or “Miss Sex Kitten” or whatever role we have chosen to convey for that evening, week, month, life time. It really feels like a sense of release when we can be “our selves”,
Men would do well to understand this about woman, and rather than him seeing it through his own perspective, he should instead see it through her eyes..
Just because your mates don’t want to open up and share their feelings with one and other, and just because you might see it as an act which could tarnish your reputation or image, doesn’t mean that woman share this view point.
Do not presume that the girl with “The bitch bravado” is a cold heartless and evil person. Do not presume that the “shy girl mask” is boring and has nothing shocking or interesting to offer. Do not presume that the girl with “Bimbo” image is empty and insincere. Like you guys we put on a mask and create a bravado, alter ego what ever you want to call it for a number of different reasons. If you can get past that mask, you will not embarrass her or make feel uncomfortable like how most men would feel. Instead you will make her feel relaxed and the respect she has for you will increase dramatically. Far more than the guys who get caught up on just the surface level.
In the next part I will share with you the step-by-step process that I teach my students in order for them to obtain a deep and lasting connection with a woman, with out you having to alter the macho / alpha strong image that you might have worked on for so long perfecting.
In Impact Makes Connection Part 2, I will be explaining how you can begin making a deep connection with impact.
Learn more from Kezia, at PUATraining.
Magic Bullets is the step-by-step guide to seduction. Learn how to attract and seduce beautiful women with this award-winning eBook by pickup artist Savoy of Love Systems. Download it 
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
“Granted that woman DO where bravado, but the difference is that they can feel a great sense of relief when it comes down.”
In the phrase “DO where bravado”, the word “where” should be “wear”.
-Amazing Rando
Kezia,
I don’t know if you read these comments, or care too, but I want to say as a man I don’t keep up a bravado. And that’s because I was raised by my mother, aunt, grandmother (the case in point is by women) who always taught me the values of showing respect, and kindness, to treat your women how you treat your mother, and I think she left out the part where the deep connection needs to be made. Because I always felt something missing. After reading part 1 of your article I feel more assured of myself talking with women, because I looked back on all my successful dates, and success in relationships, and it all started out with the women telling me “it feels like I’ve known you for years” and it was because of the deep connection I made with them, by showing commonalities without being over anxious about the encounter. Thank you so much for the (in my case, maybe not everyone else’s) reiteration. And keep up the good work giving us men a woman’s perspective on the subject of women. It’s hard to take advice from a man who is speaking on behalf of women with merely experience from his life with the opposite sex. Thanks
thanks very much!
it was obvious on some level, but i have been dropping my bravado, (not that you TOTALLY suggest that) and it has gotten me farther then ever, in terms of feeling succesful.
I can’t wait for part two!!
i hope it comes soon!
Kezia,
Your thoughts are very informative. I always learn something from what you write. Would love to read your book if you ever write one or have time for that. I was initially worried about this article because I thought you were going to preach the metrosexual way to connect with women, that’s the very reason I left Hollywood for Newport Beach. I’m too much a man, from the Marine Corps experience 20 years ago to the way I’ve lived life. Unfortunately, that is my vice because at times I feel I’ve step too far into manhood and my journey into researching the latest methods to connect with women are what I use to reengage with them, because I’ve found as I get older and wiser that beautiful socialized women are the highest value to me in life, not uncommon to all other, and I would like to be closer to them mentally and of course physically.
I think you sum it up handily.I have been told by many women,some of them half my age that what sets me apart from their age group men is : “You listen,you take time to hear what I have to say!” I do not necessarily try to solve it,but I listen to understand them.This is hard for me to do,just listen.I am the John Wayne type who likes to “fix it” Solve it.They really open up.The major problem is that they have a hard time believing I am for real and are angry that those men their age do not listen to them.I am well-muscled still and look years younger(62 now),and they tend to look at me as a father figure and lover at the same time.They just are afraid to make a commitment.They want it but are afraid.
Nice post about building comfort (or making a deep connection as you call it). I think most men underestimate how powerful a connection can be, because you can get numbers and go on dates solely by building tons of comfort. Why? Because you’ll be a psychological powerhouse, the likes of which she just hasn’t seen anywhere else.
It’s like this: if you’re the one guy a woman can talk to about stuff she never talked about before, you’ll stand out for her, always. She’ll remember that for a long time because 99% of the men out there are severely lacking any real conversational skills.
Why? Because most people listen with a “waiting to reply” mindset. They’re not really listening to someone, they’re taking turns replying and are waiting for THEIR turn. The first step to making that connection is moving towards seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.
I can just hear you think: “Yeah but I don’t want to make such an effort of getting the girl” and you’re so wrong! Like Kezia said, knowledge truly is power and I’ll tell you why! If you listen, REALLY listen, ask some follow up questions and let a woman talk, she’ll be giving you a TON of information. Guess what? You can use ALL OF THAT info to playfully tease her, be picky about, be challenging with, be dominant with, continue to build that connection later on… these are all things that create attraction.
That’s why I live by the following words: “Anything you say can and will be used against you… so keep talking!”