Client: I’ve seen so many people try to be like that totally enthusiastic guy – but it comes off contrived. The stuff I’ve seen with you has been much more natural, but there seems to be a fine line between the two. How do you make sure you’re falling on the right side of that line? How do you make sure that you’re not overdoing it?
David: It is natural for people to be enthusiastic. If you’re really listening to someone interesting, you’re going to be enthusiastic. If someone is really boring you, of course, you’re not going to be.
But if someone looks at you and says, “Oh, this is a beautiful day,” in a very monotone voice and you respond, “It certainly is!!!!” then you’re just like Ty Pennington – you’re ready to go out there and build them a house.
That’s over-the-top and it’s not natural. It’s not real. It isn’t a real emotion.
Some people are just boring. Some people really seem like they don’t have a pulse – and you don’t want to be around them anyway.
In terms of this over-the-top enthusiasm, you have you realize that you’re not a camp counselor – you’re not here to motivate the world.
It is the tonality of your voice and the things that you do. For instance, Rey and I will role-play for you. Rey, tell me that’s your favorite liquor store over there.
Rey: Okay, that’s my favorite liquor store.
David: Why? Why is that your favorite liquor store? What’s so great about Jay’s Liquor?
Rey: Well, they don’t check your ID. So you can get booze there when you’re underage.
David: That’s so funny – so you’re like this underage guy that is scouting out all of these liquor stores!
Rey: Yeah.
David: So are there any other liquor stores that are your favorite? Any others where you can go scam a bottle of booze? And are you like an alcoholic or what?
Rey: There are a lot of liquor stores run by Koreans, and since I look Asian they never card me. Sometimes they even give me a discount!
David: Okay. So do you see what happens? I was mimicking his voice patterns. That’s what enthusiasm is: voice tone. It’s the tonality we have when we talk to each other.
When you have a tonality and listen very carefully to the way that people are talking, you realize that it’s all mimicking. It’s all mirroring.
A lot of guys are always worried about body language. I tell them not to worry about her body language – if your body language is strong enough she’ll just automatically follow you.
It’s the same thing with voice patterns and tonality. If someone comes at you with enthusiasm in his or her voice, you have to match it.
People are attracted to themselves. If you think about it, we’re all very attracted to ourselves. We’re also attracted to people who are more powerful and stronger than we are. We’re not attracted to the weaker people.
So in this situation, you really start to attract yourself. It all comes down to the same thing I was talking about earlier – when you go up there and are feeling insecure, then the only women who are going to want to be with you are the insecure ones.
This is where the Law of Attraction comes in. You begin to meet people that you actually fit with.
This is how your enthusiasm is authentic. Be interested in someone. I’m really interested when someone says something to me, so I’m naturally enthusiastic.
Like this: “Hey Rey, how was your break with your mom, did everything work out well?”
Rey: Yeah, it was great. My mom and I were always arguing but it got a lot better. Now we’re a lot closer. Of course, your mother will always annoy you! But she’s also your mom, and you’ll always love her!
David: Well let me ask you a question: the arguments that you had with your mom, were they really beneficial? Did the arguments work to get you and your mom closer? Do you feel like you were arguing to get somewhere instead of just arguing like you normally do?
Rey: I think it was like half and half. Sometimes you argue with people just because you want to be pissed off at someone. But in the end, it’s helping you get closer to the other person…
David: Okay, so do you see where the questions come in? I really wanted to know about his arguments with his mother. Be very curious. I know Khiem talked a lot about that yesterday. Be very curious about somebody, and have that voice and that tonality.
The strength in my voice allowed the conversation to move forward. This is something that women are really attracted to – that tonality. I was leading that conversation. And what I said didn’t even really matter – I kind of babbled a little bit, I might have repeated myself, but I still kept that same strong tone.
Client: Yeah, when you were asking about the nature of the arguments he had with his mom, you weren’t really sure where you were going with it, but it just ended up flowing.
David: Yeah, it’s a strong tone. I own my words, and I’m not afraid of them. You can’t be afraid of your words. You can’t say anything tentatively. Saying things with hesitation is demonstrating your insecurity. If you show her that insecurity, of course she’s not going to want to talk to you. You’re giving away your power to her, and she’s not going to be attracted to a weak guy.
So it’s important to lead that conversation. I always tell guys that it’s not WHAT you say; it’s HOW you say it. There is a different way to say things.
It’s really important to have that strong voice, tonality, and enthusiasm behind your words. It’s all about owning your words.
