When you start the process of becoming better at attracting and dating women, you go through your ups and downs, experience your highs and lows. You also get caught in a lot of confusion because there are so many tactics and techniques being thrown at you.
Who is right? Who is wrong? Especially when their advice is conflicting?
I am no different than you in that regard. I went through all the same bullsh*t and had to find my own way.
Along this process, something happens that is very sneaky. Something that you do not notice. I did not notice it either, until I took a step back and experienced a paradigm shift.
**I noticed that along the way, sometimes we take on the mindset of the people who teach us and that mindset is not always a healthy or even conducive for that matter.**
Allow me to illustrate through one example. I could list quite a few from various interactions but this one is a great real life story to show you what I am talking about:
A while back I was driving to a house party on a Friday night along with a buddy of mine. Along the way, we stopped by a drug store to pick up some beer. (Do not go to house parties empty handed!) It was one of those giant American drugstores that are the size of big supermarkets in other countries. (CVS, Rite aid, etc…)
At the check out line, there is a cute girl behind me. She is thin, attractive, and she has two items for purchase: Dr. Pepper soda and Ice Cream. At first, I thought she was part of another group, but as it turned out she is in the store alone!
I turn back to her and casually say: “So, where is your party at? We’re headed to such and such….”
She replies, “This is it. You’re looking at it.” (Her tone is casual, yet friendly. Remember, it’s the sub-communication we are interested in.)
I pay for my beer and am walking out, but then I realize I just can’t leave it at that. So I sort of stall by looking at some item for sale until she is done paying for her stuff. She may also realize that I am waiting for her, but I don’t really care.
*Introducing the “SAME TEAM MENTALITY.”
So as she walks by me, I engage her with something that applies the “Same Team Mentality.”
I say, “Excuse me.”
She stops to listen.
I say, “You know what? Anyone Cool And Confident enough to stay home on a Friday night and ADMIT to it, is someone I have got to meet!”
She laughs. We chat and have a nice conversation for about 5 minutes. We like each other, and we exchange information. I even extend an invite to the party I am going to, which she is not dressed for anyway.
The “Same Team Mentality” is not an end-all, be-all solution. However, in many circumstances, it’d benefit you more to use this mindset and attitude.
Let’s examine this particular situation further:
BUT WHAT IF I HAD CHOSEN TO GO BY DOCTRINE THAT YOU LEARN FROM MOST DATING COACHES?
**I could have chosen to “NEG” her**
· Neg: “Ya know, I’d like to hang out with you, but you don’t have any friends.”
WRONG!
How about another “Neg?”
· “You seem like an interesting person. Too bad you’re not very social. You’re still cool though because you like ice cream!”
WRONG!
**I could have opted for the classical “COCKY FUNNY”
· “Alone on a Friday night? Your friends don’t like you or something?”
· “One person party? Haha! I’d join you if you buy me some drinks”
· “Alone on a Friday night? I am staying away. Haha You’ll probably use me for my body”
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
It’s all F*cking Wrong, man.
Do you see the trend? Do you notice how they’re all COMBATIVE? Do you see how they’re written from a perspective of cutting someone else down?
I know! I got sucked into this stuff too.
This sh*t becomes ingrained in your mind, and hence, it conditions your brain to become combative. It pollutes your thinking into thinking that you’re always battling women. Henceforth, it develops the WRONG Perspective in your mind.
Notice the difference in what I said to her. First I complimented her as being cool and confident. Then I agreed that it was because she admitted to staying home on a Friday night by herself. And there is nothing phony about it.
Truth is MEN and WOMEN don’t ever want to ADMIT that they might be staying home on a Friday night. It has social stigma attached to it, like you don’t have friends, or you’re not attractive enough to have a date.
This is applying, what I call, the “Same Team Mentality.”
My approach in this scenario ASSUMES THAT WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!
Here is what I am communicating: Listen, society can have its social stigma and it can have its pretentious social rules, but YOU AND I ARE ABOVE THAT. We are cool enough to stay home and admit to it. We are on the same team.
Let’s have some fun. Let’s look at all of the Seduction-Community “PUA” rules I broke:
· I said, “Excuse me” which they tell you is a huge No-no.
· I complimented her. Another taboo in the eyes of seduction coaches.
· Whoa! I EVEN OPENED with a compliment. That’s a definite mistake. I could be put in a Medieval torture device for that one.
· I did not neg her to cut her down.
· I did not apply cocky-funny upon learning she was staying home alone.
For crying out loud, if those PUAs had a jail, I’d be in it right now. They’d prosecute me and condemn me for disobeying all of their rules.
So what happened? We had a 5-minute fun conversation, and we laughed. I went to the house party and she went home, and then I sent her a text asking her, “How is the Dr. Pepper/Ice cream party?”
She replied back and we had a little exchange that it even turned a bit sexual with her telling me she was naked in the hot tub. But let’s not get sidetracked!!
All of this happened because I applied “THE SAME TEAM MENTALITY.”
Is it the ONLY WAY? NO! The circumstances called for it. She knows she is spending Friday night alone and she was a fairly pleasant person to deal with. There is no reason to rub it in and insult her. Hey, maybe some part of her does feel that pressure of the social stigma of staying home alone on a Fri night. No need to cut her down for it.
I am a big proponent of teasing and having fun, but you don’t need to INSULT people to do that.
Think of situation where YOU can apply this mindset. IT WILL HELP YOUR SUCCESS with women! When it does, I want to hear back from you!
Think of casual situations where you could have applied this mindset to your favor and instead you threw some stupid combative line at her because some dating guru told you should always be cocky funny!
I am not saying that you should not tease. What I am advocating is that in so many of your interactions, you’d get so much further, and would have so much more fun if you could learn to create this Same-Team Mindset. The choice is yours.
It’s time to take this to a higher level!
Now, you may ask me:
Why is it that stuff like this works for some guys and not for others?
It’s simple: Because at these base of this, you must LEARN TO BECOME A HIGH VALUE MAN! If you can convey someone who is a high value person (I don’t mean financially either,) then you can ENJOY YOUR INTERACTIONS with WOMEN instead of feeling like you’re gaming them.
Best Wishes,
Cameron Teone
Magic Bullets is the step-by-step guide to seduction. Learn how to attract and seduce beautiful women with this award-winning eBook by pickup artist Savoy of Love Systems. Download it 
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Great article. A total shift in focus from the usual bullshit. It takes balls to present this to a bunch of people who have been told to do the exact opposite. Well done.
Great post! boys like girls, girls like boys. Cameron it’s not even bout havin’ mentality or mindset; it’s called being a normal guy
Nice work. Keep in mind that this entire situation is during the day, try this ‘ish at a club and you’ll be toast…or will you not?
I realized that the situation is very important in which you use cocky and funny comments. In my opinion you have to built up a bit trust with the woman before you can throw in “insultive” comments. And use it as a spice rather than a whole dish. More importantly, don’t insult her in front of her friends(or other people).Anyway I wouldn’t call it insulting, because she recocknizes that you are not serious.
Kamil asked: “Keep in mind that this entire situation is during the day, try this ‘ish at a club and you’ll be toast…or will you not?”
Well, that all depends on that particular situation. Clubs, alcohol, and groups change the dynamics. However, there still are instances where you could apply this mindset with effectiveness.
Here is the gist of the article: In many situations, where guys would benefit from being cooperative, they choose to be combative because they’ve been conditioned to be that way by the advice they’ve read. Instead of looking at the opportunity to have fun and perhaps even throw a compliment her way, they’re immediately looking to throw an insult or a cut-down. It’s an automated reaction.
My point is that if you stepped back, became aware of your conditioning, you could start applying more charm that would be disarming as well as more effective instead of the cocky/funny and negs such as “Nice shoes, did you buy them new?”
Take care
Cameron
Your conclusion (last paragraph) is definitely right, but the argument as it stands is mistaken. If a neg or routine is wrong in a situation, it’s because you’re doing it wrong. A neg should bring laughter, cocky funny too. The examples you bring wouldn’t have been appropriate, indeed. But that’s a thing of social calibration, which is why field experience is needed. Reminds me of that moment in the first season of The Pickup Artist where a woman pets Joe D’s dog and he negs her straight away. That wasn’t appropriate, a friendly response would have been. And bringing one example where you supposedly “broke some rules” as a proof? Come on. AFCs get lucky, too. That doesn’t prove “they’re doing it right”. If you are conveying a strong personality and interesting character (body language, tone, smile etc.) sure you can say “Excuse me” and compliment her etc. etc. But using one example where that stuff works as disproving a wrong interpretation of negging and C&F, boy is that a bad argument.
That being said, though, your point of excessive combativeness as a just plain wrong mindest is so valuable that I still think it’s an excellent thing to bring that up. Though I resent you giving this yet another label (“introducing the same team mentality”? WTF?), it definitely helps to start thinking differently sometimes. Way too many guys in this community are almost hateful towards women.
P.S.: She had already given you an IOI and you had signaled a lot of interest by waiting for her. So being proactive, acknowledging your interest by complimenting her in a cool way was anyway probably the right thing to do.
I agree with this.
I enjoy using the “everyone else sucks but you and I are getting ready to have an ass ton of fun” mentality.
It’s certainly beats trying to determine who’s the COOLER person, you or her… lol
When you’re cool, anything works. Cam’s approach is simple, efficient, and effective. No BS.
FranK is technically right.
To be a normal or cool guy takes time, experimentation, and experience.
The goal is to be a natural while being able to see the social matrix objectively–a blend of Cam’s and Frank’s mindsets and philosophies.