Comments on: Why Even Desperate Guys Won’t Marry Their Girlfriends

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:32:10 +0000

@Nathan: Congrats on finding a great woman and keeping her in your life. Looks alone certainly aren’t enough, which is the deeper reason why “pre-approving” women at the approach stage is almost invariably disastrous.

@Denise: Perhaps ironically, men tend to date bitchy women due to lack of self-respect. This article does not attempt to address the unfortunate habits of guys who make bad decisions.

Self-respect is central to the list I’ve given. Note that I believe that both partners in a relationship must have a healthy respect for self AND for each other in order for a LTR to succeed.

By: Denise

Denise — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:25:47 +0000

I don’t think this is a very good list at all. Then why do so many guys end up dating bitchy girls?

I think you’re missing the point that girls guys commit to have a LOT of respect for themselves. They know that they are valuable, they have a lot to offer in a relationship, and they require respect. Guys want to marry someone who believes in themselves, who knows that they have value. Guys want someone who insists they be treated right. Someone who won’t put up with all kinds of bullshit.

By: Nathan

Nathan — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 07:16:53 +0000

@Scot – what a great list!

I have had a gf for 2 years – and when I read that second list, it really hit home to me what an awesome chick I have in my life.

I have been there before and dated many a girl who from first look seemed ‘perfect’ – but give them 1 week, 1 month later I was lucky to realise the truth and have the ability to leave.

And I must admit that when you meet a girl who just clicks with you (commits herself to you and you to her) – WOW life really does become an awesome ride of happiness

/ Nathan

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 23:50:35 +0000

@Juls:

The words “stereotype” and “roles” are yours.

The words “flat-out feminine” and “man” are mine.

Without sexual polarity a male human being and a female human being can expect to be cordial roommates, at best.

Sexual attraction is by very definition tied to masculine and feminine energy…unless one is content to reduce sexuality to body parts, which I personally am not.

By: Juls

Juls — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:26:46 +0000

“Despite social pressure nowadays, she’s flat-out feminine. She makes you feel like a man, assuming you match the description. All is right in the universe.”

Not sure how gender stereotypes make for a successful partnership. Every couple I’ve seen pushing each other towards traditional gender roles ended up resenting it.
Making your partner feel loved, supported, respected as a person, not as a gender. That’s the key

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Sun, 31 May 2009 01:51:47 +0000

I hear you, Marc.

I may not be so willing to visit the sins of the parents upon the daughter at the wholesale level like that, at least not without making a judgment call on a case-by-case basis.

But maybe the subject indeed deserves a whole ‘nother article called “Why Desperate Dads Need Better Lawyers”. LOL

By: Marc

Marc — Sat, 30 May 2009 13:29:34 +0000

You left one important point out. Family honor. If you meet the parents and her mom is living in the mansion he is still paying mortgage for and her father is living in whatever box he can afford after having been taken to the cleaners, there is very little that will get this girl out of the fun category into the marriage category.

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 08:51:05 +0000

Ah…but the “other half” must never be considered as a “whole”, given the complexity of women, no?

By: gothchiq

gothchiq — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 19:20:14 +0000

No sweat, man. But I did think you might want to know how that can sound to the “other half,” even if you didn’t mean it that way. After all, getting feedback is part of honing your skills, yes?

Me, not know where to go for the evening? Why, I’m shocked at the very notion! lol. I’m going to Club Hell (yes, I’m serious.) You?

Cheers!

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:56:34 +0000

@gothchiq: Take a look at my article from last week. I covered that one for you.

By “leadership”, rest assured I don’t mean “manipulative domination”.

If a woman is “lesser” than me, then SHE shouldn’t let the door hit HER @$$ on the way out. I have higher standards than to settle for someone “lesser”.

Rather, I mean having a plan and some ambition. All so stuff doesn’t happen like putting you in the car and asking you “where you want to go” tonight.

By: gothchiq

gothchiq — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:56:42 +0000

You know, I as a woman can get behind those lists, except for one thing. This isn’t the 1950’s any more. *Partnership,* not “leadership,” is the name of the game. As a man’s valued and equal partner, it will be my pleasure to keep him happy. But if he views me as someone lesser who needs his “leadership,” well, he shouldn’t let the door hit his @$$ on the way out.

I’ve already been married. I don’t actually want to do it again. But that’s beside the point.

By: Scot McKay

Scot McKay — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 05:52:05 +0000

Thanks for that incredibly honest comment, Holly. You ROCK!

It sounds like there’s a very fortunate guy out there. My guess is that he catches “The Glow” from you 24/7.

Cheers,

Scot

By: Holly Hoffman

Holly Hoffman — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:03:08 +0000

You are 100% correct IMO. I was with a guy for four years and stuck around even though he told me more than once that he wasn’t sure that I was “the kind of girl I want to marry.” Lame. Lame on MY part. I was all of the things you described in the non-marrying category. Luckily, I had a major aha moment in my life and we split – the best thing for both of us.

I spent a year on my own, dating, etc. before I hooked up with my SO. I have confidence that I am all those things in the marrying category – but that doesn’t really matter to me anymore. That’s the irony. You become “marryable” to a guy when it doesn’t really matter to you anymore. That’s the self-confidence, plus the utter joy of being around someone you really like.