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Welcome to the latest installment on relationship management. I’m appreciating your comments and e-mails. I’m also stoked that so many of you guys are ready to take the long-view past pickup and look into what it takes to be the master of your own destiny with women…no matter what your personal vision of the future looks like.

A subtitle to the admittedly brash title of today’s article could be, “Why Some Women Can’t Go Three Dates Between Marriage Proposals”.

What we’re talking about here are the differences between women we want to have around for as long as possible, and the ones we can’t quite see a future with.

So let’s just throw it out on the table to get things started: There are certain women who have no idea how to make a guy commit to them. Even though that’s what they WANT most.
In fact, considering that we coach both men and women around here at X & Y Communications, the e-mails and phone calls we get on a regular basis say it all.

While guys we hear from tend to think women are the “choosers” because they arbitrate sexual activity (apparently), the women we hear from tend to think it’s men who actually hold all the cards—because none of them seem to want to commit.

Stereotypes abound in both gender’s assessments, of course.

But the cold, hard truth is that when one lacks options and/or a valid understanding of MOTOS (i.e. Members Of The Opposite Sex), one tends to feel as if his or her dating life is outside of personal control.

So we get e-mails from guys who have a serious “dry spell” going on, of course.

And…we get e-mails from women whose boyfriends stick around for years because they are getting laid and nothing better has come along…yet.

The truth is that if he isn’t into marrying her, he’s likely more into finding a better option…it’s just that one hasn’t seemed to have happened along his path just yet.

But you’ve got to be kidding if you think he’s ever going to tell her that.
Think about that one for a moment.

It’s not like most AFC-types out there are loaded down with options, and since the house isn’t exactly on fire, cutting the rope, going “solo” and actually risking an active role in finding someone better isn’t…[yawn]…a priority.

Let me know if you can relate to what I’m describing here, either directly or indirectly via what you’ve seen a buddy or to deal with.

And see, here’s the twisted irony of this whole deal.

Our boy in this example is invariably labeled a “commitment phobe” by his chick (who has too much time invested in this whole gig to walk out the door herself).

Yet, as we’ve seen time and again in real life, he could easily end up engaged to the very next woman he meets within weeks…assuming he ever gets into the position to actually meet her.

How?

Simple. Some women know how to get men to commit, that’s all.
Here’s the diff between women who blow it, and women who repeatedly deal with guys who show up with rings on third dates (the latest example thereof we heard about just yesterday).

WOMEN GUYS WON’T COMMIT TO…

1) …are inherently resentful of men in general
If she has no respect for men and cannot trust them, why would any man who values femininity and respects a woman’s inherent humanity waste his time with her? Sure, maybe she’s been damaged by past relationships, but those guys were not you, so you need not pay the price.

2) …refuse to support their man’s hopes, dreams and endeavors
If she cannot share your vision and your victories, she will likely not stand by you when life’s inevitable setbacks happen. So why commit to such an empty partnership?

3) …are ruthlessly selfish
When there’s only “take” and no “give”, guys feel taken advantage of. Strangely, such women are typically impossible to please. If you can’t please her, why bother? You won’t.

4) …are contentious
There are women who want to “wear the pants”. Yet, even if she refuses your leadership, she’ll still lack respect for you if you don’t exercise it anyway. No self-respecting man will live the rest of his life this way…except in sitcoms. It’s a classic lose/lose situation.

5) …are negative
If she “hates” all sorts of things, you’ll have to fight to avoid being drawn in. And your optimism, if not squelched under pressure, will be a lonely voice. Most guys aren’t buying into that lifestyle long-term, no matter how hot she is.

6) …avoid risk
Forget giving up your YZF-R1 and the kiteboarding “habit”. She’s afraid you might not ever come home alive when you go to the driving range to hit a few. This not only adds up to boredom with a quickness, it starts feeling about as restrictive as a straitjacket.

7) ….are jealous
There is an inverse correlation between how insanely jealous she is and how excited you are to be with her for years. Either that or you should check your pulse. After all, rumor has it the jealous ones are the cheaters themselves.

….openly flirt with other guys
This could be the most devastating mistake women who want commitment make. “Oh, him? He and I are just really, really good friends.” Face it, if you think there’s any doubt she’ll remain faithful, you aren’t going to subject yourself to the potential humiliation.

To be sure, a guy with no options may stay involved with a woman he won’t commit to if he’s getting some.
But as soon as this woman shows up, his current girlfriend is probably toast:

WOMEN MEN COMMIT TO…

1) …are proud to be a woman and crave a real man
Despite social pressure nowadays, she’s flat-out feminine. She makes you feel like a man, assuming you match the description. All is right in the universe.

2) …believe in your competence
She’s your biggest cheerleader. In her mind, you aren’t only going to win…you already have.

3) …are givers who can accept generosity
She’s nobody’s doormat, for sure. But she knows you appreciate everything she does for you—usually without your having to ask and sometimes without you even knowing it happened. In return, you are generous to her without reservation because there is no sense of “entitlement” haunting you.

4) …trust your leadership
She understands your ambition, knows the game plan and backs you 100%. Why? Because you have her best interests in mind anyway.

5) …boldly think the best of you
There is never any doubt expressed regarding your character, your intentions or anything else for that matter. And as long as you don’t breach that trust, there never will be.

6) …crave adventure
She’s your willing accomplice…whatever form that takes.

7) …are their man’s most valued confidant
Were this a job and not a relationship, she’d be the first to show up in the morning and the last to leave. You gladly share everything you’ve got and welcome her input in return. And you instinctively know she isn’t going anywhere.

…glow in your presence
The feminine joy in her heart shines through her eyes, which are always smiling. This is the telltale sign of authenticity and ultimate trustworthiness.

My guess is that even the most hardcore PUA would have a hard time not selecting a woman of the latter description first from among however many options available to him…every day of the week.
And this would probably hold true even before they were both utterly blown away by what happens in the bedroom.

Next time, given the information you now have before you, I’ll share a way to leverage the most magical skill a man can have in relationship management so as to magically attract high-quality women and practically gain total control over your entire dating life overnight.

Meanwhile, if you have anything to add to either of my lists above, go for it.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

Get Scot’s new program Deserve What You Want

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