How To Seem More Confident Than You Really Are
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In Bang there’s a section about the two ways to increase your confidence (starts on page XX). I don’t have anything to add to that short list, but I have found a way that a girl can PERCEIVE you as more confident.
Imagine you are a girl for a second and you’re in some bar drinking with your girlfriends. Guys come up to you all the time, some with decent game but some with tired “What are you drinking?” game. What is the one thing that would tell you a guy knows what he’s doing, has probably had a lot of girls, and can give you both emotional and physical pleasure?
Boldness.
Let me explain with a story.
I was at a bar when I started talking to a cute girl. I sat down on a bar stool to face her and sat so our legs were touching. After 10 minutes of conversation, I made it seem like I just noticed her bracelets and starting touching them. Then I noticed some drink spilled on her jeans, and started “rubbing” it out. She quickly hit my hand away.
Even though I was surprised, I pretended nothing happened and continued our conversation. Then five minutes later, I just started poking her thigh while she was talking. That’s when she started giving commentary on my pickup..
“I saw you here the other night talking to girls. I have a feeling you hit on a lot of girls and you do this all the time.” I just said I was “outgoing” and “friendly,” with a smirk of course.
She knows that this is what I do, that I hit on girls like herself every night. But she cannot tell her brain to stop feeling attraction for a desirable man. I am a desirable male because she THINKS I do this all the time and that I’m successful at it (why else would I be bold?). And she thinks I do this all the time simply because I’m touching her early and in ways other guys are too scared to do.
I made out with her before I got her number, after a total time of 30 minutes or so of talking to her. Keep in mind this was from a girl who hit my hand away when I started touching her.
Being bold screams confidence, because it tells the girl that you are NOT AFRAID and have done this before. She will think, “Who does he think he is touching me so early in the conversation?” “Look how close his face is getting to mine. What makes him think he will kiss me tonight?” The answer in her head will be something like, “Because he knows what he’s doing and has succeeded at it before.”
And here’s the beautiful part: she will have no idea what your past is, no idea how many women you really did sleep with or didn’t. All it takes is one trait—boldness—to be the man she wants to sleep with right now.
This means that even if you have zero confidence, just sucking it up and trying to push the boundaries to get closer sooner than you think you can, you actually increase the chance that you will get a make-out or sex. Weird how things work.
Just a few years ago the approach itself would scream boldness and be an attractant in its own right, but we’ve entered the age of pick-up where any Joe Schmo who lost his virginity is peddling an ebook and robot monkeys are approaching girls with the tired “Who lies more” opener. A cute girl has been approached hundreds of times by the time you get to her, so now it’s early touching and kissing will give the boldness effect.
Before I got into the game, that wouldn’t make any sense to me. I’d wait very patiently for obvious green lights and only then would I proceed with caution. But the more experience I got (going on a decade now), the more impatient I became, and the sooner I started going for it. And it worked. Not only did I get more, but I got it much quicker.
Now I’m pretty spoiled. If I don’t get a makeout within 30 minutes or so, I think something is wrong… WITH HER. The only time I get numbers now without make-outs is when I simply ran out of time.
It wasn’t always like this, and it did take me work to get here, but if you start with a solid foundation of techniques (which I teach in my book Bang), it will be just practice and commitment on your part. If you haven’t already done so, check out page samples today..
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Not Hot, mate she is stunning :) 
The next episode looks so good. Can't wait! 
All of the techniques used are the most elementary straight of out Magic Bullets routines. 
nice, but it would be great if you can analyze and tell more in the post about the techniques they ...
donovan,
check out some weak game by love system instructors
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTRBbcfgMM4 
Nice post David--a lot of people out there need a good kick in the butt to really do some much ...
yes it is thanks :-) 
The "B actors with zero game" actually got better with the ladies after wrapping production with us. Guess that throws ...
Comment by Travis Bickle on 17 June 2008:
Great article.
Even if she avoids the kiss or “rejects” you, she’s also gonna make images of “what if I did kiss him”, “damn I should have given him a chance”.
Just cold approaches are my sticking point but I remember doing an approach and the girl was really cold and neutral with me and I left her and she wouldn’t stop staring at me and my friends noticed as well. Just little stuff like this you notice AFTER you do stuff.
What I dislike about this article is it implies guys aren’t already confident. It’s funny because it doesn’t actually exist. You behave in certain ways sometimes and in other ways other times. You just wanna behave in ways that work to your advantage all of the time.
Overall great article!
Thanks.
Comment by Scot McKay on 19 June 2008:
Right on.
Women follow our lead. If we are tentative and nervous, they’ll feel tentative and nervous toward us.
If we are bold, confident and internally convinced a woman’s better off hanging out with us than not, then she’ll also follow suit surprisingly often.
The “boldness” factor from a leadership perspective is indeed key. If you empower her to be bold by your example, and follow that with encouragement rather than judgment when she follows suit, then amazing stuff tends to happen.
Here’s something fun to try out: If a woman counters a bold, risky statement of yours with something that stops you dead in your tracks for a second, VALIDATE HER. Respond with mild enthusiasm to her comeback as if she just passed a test. After all, if a woman can’t hang with you she’s not going to cut it.
You will be AMAZED by how she lights up, even if her initial response seemed apathetic if downright stand-offish.
Similarly, if a woman is completely taken aback by a bold or C/F comment, HELP HER find a comeback. (E.G. “Okay…this isn’t where you look at me with a blank expression. This is where you tell me XXXX”) Empower her to be able to hang with your reality. Bring the fun as a main course if the chick forgot to pack a lunch.
This is magical. You get in a woman’s head and stay there. You are a “benevolent challenge”.
Comment by dthomas on 23 June 2008:
boldness is great for giving her the ’shock and awe’ and appearing confident for a brief moment. But without an internal belief that you can and will succeed, your body language will reek of incongruence and she will see you are not who you appear to be. And let’s not also forget that there are hoards of AFCs with boldness. It’s called intoxication. And I can attest from experience and observing others that drunken boldness paired with only physical escalation is more likely to trigger her ‘creeper’ alarm than trigger her ‘pre-selection,’ attraction switch. I am bold. But my boldness comes from a place where competence and past success comes through in my body language. It’s congruent with me. Looking back my initial “boldness” only helped me with one thing: practice You can’t practice unless you approach and approaching is BOLD. but boldness without competence will put you in the ‘every other guy’ category where LUCK is relied on and success is inconsistent. It’s a balancing act!!!cheers!
-Dthomas
Comment by Dennis on 12 July 2008:
Scot you made a valid and good point with your “Empower her to be able to hang with your reality.” I always use that one myself to when I notice how a woman is taken aback by a bold comment and frankly, most of my friends KNOW me for my bold ballbusters and as such I had to learn this as a back-up plan. The reason why the empowering works is because if you feed her a fun line to respond with, you stimulate her to take part in the fun live in the moment kind of interaction and eliminate her ‘b*tch shield’ by showing her it isn’t ment to offend, but to have fun!
I agree about needing an internal frame/mindstate (inner game) to be congruent with the boldness. But when concerning boldness and her being bold by my example? I’m living proof! Examples:
- I went to this snackbar with a girl just after fuck closing her, but made a move that led to me realizing the boldness potential. We sat down and drank some coffee and had a burger, and stayed after to talk a bit more. So this restaurant owner guy, he already DEMANDED our orders as soon as we got in his joint in a very unfriendly way, my girlfriend needed to PAY for using the ladies room, and when whe were still sitting there while there were almost NO customers? The crazy man asked as to order again or leave because he needed the seats. You can imagine how she responded: I can’t believe this guy, he really offended me when I had to go to the ladies, he’s offensive, worst snackbar ever and blabla…so I acted on it by letting her know I didn’t accept the guy’s behavior towards me OR her (women find this VERY sexy, this protective boldness). Sounds crazy, but I went to the men’s room and did my number one allll over his floor, the flush button, the toilet seat, etc. I know…nasty and dirty! But when I told her she got turned on, and from then on whenever someone disrespected us SHE acted on it by making ball busting comments you wouldn’t believe!
- I also made more then one woman be bold by my example in the sexual department by just BOLDLY saying what my fantasies were, that I craved changing ‘locations’ for a change to have some exciting fun, etc. You would be suprises at how many times they’re bold by your example: almost always!
Btw…being bold = pushing your comfort zone, your limiting beliefs, to the max AND enlarging the comfort zone, which is a good thing. Why? Because in the future you’ll be WAY more spontaneous (women find this trait sexy), because you’re comfort zone IS being spontaneous.
Comment by Studonc- on 25 July 2008:
I was recenty at a club and the waitess was asking me a drink i played with her about what I liked to drink, and of course she guessed wrong, so it went to what she liked to drink which was what i liked to drink Vodka… anyhow then she asked my name I said I dont know ! then i asked her name she said i dont know ..
finaly she said her name was Terry and asked my name i said my name was DICK she really laughed ! then i ordered a drink ,, meanwhile during all of this she was not bothered by the fact that i rubbed up against her and held her arm and accidentaly rubbed her left breast. i held her and spun her around while i telling her my name as i wispered it in her ear…she was so responsive ..
later i saw her watching me as she walkd by and teased her some .
later i told her she was nice but could be be better looking
that seemed t o piss her off and she wouldnt get me a drink ..
so i went to the bar to get my own drink. and tased a girl who was there . i noticed her watching me ..
later i went up to her and told her that she was mean to me and she said I was mean to her and said i told her she was not cute and could be better looking.. i said No-way that i told her she was cute and she made me feel bad by walking away. then she was friendly again because she had misunderstood while we were takling I kissed her twice once on the cheek and then again on the lips. she seemed delighted. she apploligized for not getting me that drink…i played with her and walked away…
later i grabbed her and said lets go to breakfast after work …
she said she had a boyfriend and could’nt ..i said your loss…
and as I was leaving I ran in to her again and told her should call me and I was going to give her my card. she said ok, then I held her and squezeed her all over and gave her my card…kissed her again. and left..so I learned that being bold and a little intimidating can gain attraction from any women…. i know she going to call me and then ill play alittle with her and take out on the jetski and do the deed…