People only really get concerned about something if they think they might lose it. Most of the idiots you see driving around in huge lifted trucks, for example, are afraid of being perceived as not strong or not masculine. Women who wear too much makeup are afraid of not being perceived as attractive. Men who go looking for fights tend to be afraid of being perceived as wusses.

If you’ve really got something, you lack the need to prove this to others.

In my mind, if someone wants to engage in a staring contest it just tells me that the other monkey is threatened by my presence, and I leave him be. If you’ve got natural status you don’t need to fight other people to defend it out of insecurity.

or if they’re farther away just do the up head nod you keep your status and the other person will either do the same thing and look like he’s copying you or he’ll do the down nod which is submissive

You’re missing the point here.

Maybe your “low key” cat is really the alpha cat… and the other two are trying to sort out the pecking order underneath.

“Alpha” behavior isn’t a guy that goes around trying to stare everyone down and pick fights with people to try to show that “he’s the man”…

In fact, I’d classify that as self validating… needy behavior…

Oh, and lets not forget that WOMEN vie for domination in public MUCH more than men do, lest we forget:

“Who do men dress up for when they go out: Women”

“Who do women dress up for when they go out: Other women”

If some guy takes inappropriate liberties with you when you’re out and your date Fails To Deploy when it’s time to stand up for you, my guess is that you’d lose respect for him on the spot.

There wouldn’t be any “stroking and patting” later either.

Which leaves me to say my favorite amongst them is my darling cat whose obviously not alpha cause he’s never involved in this weird behavior – he just walks past – tail in the air smiling, and comes up to me for stroking and patting. After stroking and patting I get up and give him his favorite food.

Point made – he gets what he wants each time while those other 2 specimens which are beautiful beasts are still howling and slapping each other – finally get on my nerves – and I have to chase them both out. So non get strokes or tasty tidbits and that’s what they’re fighting about.

Not very intelligent if you ask me.

There is no reasoning with an unreasonable person. All bets are off if someone is flat-out nuts.

Nice post, Brad.

Here in San Antonio, you raise your chin, squint your eyes, throw both hands up and say, “WHAT?!”

LOL

Seriously, the wink/nod/smile combination, in perfect sync sounds like a plan.

BTW, has anyone else ever noticed it’s the guys who are about average size who end up getting in the most fights (with each other).

A relatively unknown bit of magic I’ve figured out is that if someone literally twice your size (notwithstanding Mr. Crazy Guy) challenges your social status in a public venue (e.g. takes liberties with your g/f, curses in front of your kid, etc.) you can confidently/assertively announce to him that what he just did was completely uncool and that you’d like an apology.

Most people do NOT want to be viewed as “bad people” by society, nor do they want to see THEMSELVES as “bad”…which is straight out of Dale Carnegie.

So Gorilla-Sized Guy, when confronted as such, will generally be cool about it rather than risk looking like a total tool and pummeling someone half his size who was being reasonable and direct.

In the few times I’ve taken the high road like this, it has turned out amazingly well. One guy who must have gone 6′7″ 350 even bought our entire table a round after agreeing his actions weren’t so cool and offering a “brother-shake” afterward.

Overall, it really helps if you are the kind of guy who makes others feel cooler when you’re around vs. acting like a stuck-up d-bag. But I hope that goes without saying.

… not the “assholish” nod… if you get my drift.

Also, when you understand what’s going on with the stare down, you react differently than if you don’t get the underlying semantics.

In other words, if you realize that a person is making an EFFORT to shake you up… things look a little different because you recognize that this is NEEDY behavior from the other person.

So, if you’re got the girl, your staring contests aren’t acts of dominance… they’re acts of EGO REPAIR… so it doesn’t matter how you react… if you ignore them… or whatever.

Usually, you’ll see this from an “all talk, no action” type of person…

Just blow it off and laugh.

Remember, the moral is not to engage in staring contests… but to understand what is happening when the “accidental” one comes around.

In MY neck of the woods, nodding to a guy that way CAN get your nose broken and I’m not out to be smiling and winking at guys, that’s gay.

It’s other challenges that worry me, like guys that speak MUCH louder than you or make jokes at your expence. Those you cannot just ignore.

How do I deal with guys trying to have a staring contest with me after I make out with the girl they were interested in?
Detail: here in Brazil, there are some places where these guys do this just to get in fight with me if I were to keep the staring contest going…

What I do nowadays is to avoid any staring contest after I get the girl.

“Question: How would YOU handle a status challenge like this?”

If the guy doesn’t seem willing to fight after the challenge, I’d just nod my head as you suggest…

But if I he’s a crazy guy who just looks for a reason to fight with me, I ignore his presence – even if I know he’s trying to get me into a staring contest. That’s it.
But I don’t like to do that… especially because sometimes the girl I’m with tell me not to look to avoid the contest and, perhaps, the fight.