How to Recognize If Your Social Status Is Being Challenged
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(Notice: This is an ongoing project of ours into the research of testosterone, social status, and your body. You may notice that this research CONFIRMS many of the things that you may have already THOUGHT you knew)
Social Status is defined by each encounter you have with other people. Specifically with guys, your status is typically defined by your interactions with other guys.
You can either be dominant or submissive… and this even happens within your close circle of friends. There is ALWAYS some jockeying for position.
So how do you know when you’re status is being challenged?
Well… some of may think it’s pretty obvious, but it’s all related to stress…
For example: Picture a social setting of a crowded room of people at a party. Two men end up locking into a short staring contest across the room. If both men hold the stare and recognize that it is going on, this is an immediate dominance contest.
The act of staring right at another man is a challenge to his social status. The staring is meant to increase the other mans stress level and make him feel uncomfortable until he breaks off the staring contest and looks away.
At this point whoever looks away is typically submitting to the other man, and by looking away he is also admitting he is the subordinate. Interestingly enough… what follows is usually a change in posture and body language to show that submissive behavior (like he took your mojo… lol)
Strangely enough, what also may happen is a measurable drop in testosterone!
Now that is something that you don’t want to have happen, because it can throw you of your game.
But there’s more…
The man who ‘wins’ the staring contest has a rise in testosterone… furthering his feelings of status and giving him a boost of confidence.
His posture may also change to a more upright position and he may have more of a strut to his walk.
Naturally, less sophisticated and immature men might ride this feeling into more staring contests and develop a cocky attitude. Of course, this is usually just a recipe for getting a broken nose once he picks the wrong person to ‘challenge’… at least in my neck of the woods!
The point isn’t to seek out these ‘dominance contests’, rather it is to recognize that these things can happen at the spur of the moment with an accidental look at someone. So you might as well be ready when it happens.
Any confrontation that produces a feeling of stress like this is a direct challenge to your social status.
When these situations happen, for your sake, you have to meet the challenge and maintain your composure… but pick your spots.
Most of the time the other man isn’t interested in a fight or even has an issue with you. He probably just recognizes you both ended up in an accidental stare and he also doesn’t want to back off and show subordination.
If anything this is probably a guy you might want to befriend as he is obviously showing alpha male traits. A simple nod of the head indicates that you acknowledge his presence but you’re not backing down either (or maybe even a smile and a wink)
This is a classy way to hold your status when inadvertent stare downs happen.
Social dominance and status contests happen all the time.
Special Note: Be aware of your surroundings and pick your spots and never let your status drop in front of a woman you’re interested in, but don’t try to stare down the president in the white house either.
Maintain your status with class and you’ll also gain the other man’s respect… and the attraction from your “lady” friends.
Question: How would YOU handle a status challenge like this?
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Comment by Marcos Paulo on 6 June 2008:
Hey Brad,
How do I deal with guys trying to have a staring contest with me after I make out with the girl they were interested in?
Detail: here in Brazil, there are some places where these guys do this just to get in fight with me if I were to keep the staring contest going…
What I do nowadays is to avoid any staring contest after I get the girl.
“Question: How would YOU handle a status challenge like this?”
If the guy doesn’t seem willing to fight after the challenge, I’d just nod my head as you suggest…
But if I he’s a crazy guy who just looks for a reason to fight with me, I ignore his presence - even if I know he’s trying to get me into a staring contest. That’s it.
But I don’t like to do that… especially because sometimes the girl I’m with tell me not to look to avoid the contest and, perhaps, the fight.
Comment by Guto on 8 June 2008:
Well, how about just ignoring the a-hole and going on with your business?
In MY neck of the woods, nodding to a guy that way CAN get your nose broken and I’m not out to be smiling and winking at guys, that’s gay.
It’s other challenges that worry me, like guys that speak MUCH louder than you or make jokes at your expence. Those you cannot just ignore.
Comment by Brad on 9 June 2008:
LOL… the “nod” is more of a show of “respect”… the same with the smile and wink…
… not the “assholish” nod… if you get my drift.
Also, when you understand what’s going on with the stare down, you react differently than if you don’t get the underlying semantics.
In other words, if you realize that a person is making an EFFORT to shake you up… things look a little different because you recognize that this is NEEDY behavior from the other person.
So, if you’re got the girl, your staring contests aren’t acts of dominance… they’re acts of EGO REPAIR… so it doesn’t matter how you react… if you ignore them… or whatever.
Usually, you’ll see this from an “all talk, no action” type of person…
Just blow it off and laugh.
Remember, the moral is not to engage in staring contests… but to understand what is happening when the “accidental” one comes around.
Comment by Scot McKay on 9 June 2008:
Quote: “But if I he’s a crazy guy…”
There is no reasoning with an unreasonable person. All bets are off if someone is flat-out nuts.
Nice post, Brad.
Here in San Antonio, you raise your chin, squint your eyes, throw both hands up and say, “WHAT?!”
LOL
Seriously, the wink/nod/smile combination, in perfect sync sounds like a plan.
BTW, has anyone else ever noticed it’s the guys who are about average size who end up getting in the most fights (with each other).
A relatively unknown bit of magic I’ve figured out is that if someone literally twice your size (notwithstanding Mr. Crazy Guy) challenges your social status in a public venue (e.g. takes liberties with your g/f, curses in front of your kid, etc.) you can confidently/assertively announce to him that what he just did was completely uncool and that you’d like an apology.
Most people do NOT want to be viewed as “bad people” by society, nor do they want to see THEMSELVES as “bad”…which is straight out of Dale Carnegie.
So Gorilla-Sized Guy, when confronted as such, will generally be cool about it rather than risk looking like a total tool and pummeling someone half his size who was being reasonable and direct.
In the few times I’ve taken the high road like this, it has turned out amazingly well. One guy who must have gone 6′7″ 350 even bought our entire table a round after agreeing his actions weren’t so cool and offering a “brother-shake” afterward.
Overall, it really helps if you are the kind of guy who makes others feel cooler when you’re around vs. acting like a stuck-up d-bag. But I hope that goes without saying.
Comment by Claudia on 11 June 2008:
Sorry for butting in on a man’s website. I feel like the woman that’s been left out of the country club… I can’t believe mature men behave like this - I mean I have to constantly sort out this type of stuff amongst my male alpha cats. They stare at each other for hours then they howl at each other and then start slapping each other. They tend to do this a lot when I’m in the room and I’m not a cat.
Which leaves me to say my favorite amongst them is my darling cat whose obviously not alpha cause he’s never involved in this weird behavior - he just walks past - tail in the air smiling, and comes up to me for stroking and patting. After stroking and patting I get up and give him his favorite food.
Point made - he gets what he wants each time while those other 2 specimens which are beautiful beasts are still howling and slapping each other - finally get on my nerves - and I have to chase them both out. So non get strokes or tasty tidbits and that’s what they’re fighting about.
Not very intelligent if you ask me.
Comment by Scot McKay on 11 June 2008:
Well, Claudia, it’s like this.
If some guy takes inappropriate liberties with you when you’re out and your date Fails To Deploy when it’s time to stand up for you, my guess is that you’d lose respect for him on the spot.
There wouldn’t be any “stroking and patting” later either.
Comment by Brad on 11 June 2008:
But remember… that specific cat is your “friend”… lol.
You’re missing the point here.
Maybe your “low key” cat is really the alpha cat… and the other two are trying to sort out the pecking order underneath.
“Alpha” behavior isn’t a guy that goes around trying to stare everyone down and pick fights with people to try to show that “he’s the man”…
In fact, I’d classify that as self validating… needy behavior…
Oh, and lets not forget that WOMEN vie for domination in public MUCH more than men do, lest we forget:
“Who do men dress up for when they go out: Women”
“Who do women dress up for when they go out: Other women”
Comment by torn on 12 June 2008:
Once I was walking down the street and I entered a staring contest with a man approaching from the opposite direction. I didn’t want to behave beta so I kept my eyes on him until he looked away.
They passed me (he was with a friend) and I forget about it. Maybe three minutes later they appeared out of nowhere, beat me up and robbed my stuff.
The funny thing is that when this guy lost our “staring contest” he looked submissive, so be carefull sometimes you need more then a good body language to back up your status.
Comment by Brad on 12 June 2008:
Dang… everybody go get their “gats”…
Comment by m0in10nz on 13 June 2008:
Enter a staring contest with my gat that don’t blink
Unless a bullet’s coming out, then it gives ya a lil’ wink
Comment by doug on 13 June 2008:
dude if you’re staring someone down and you’re in speaking range just be like “whats up” and usually they’ll chode out or be friendly.
or if they’re farther away just do the up head nod you keep your status and the other person will either do the same thing and look like he’s copying you or he’ll do the down nod which is submissive