Approach Anxiety II by Paul Janka

Most men get anxious at the prospect of approaching an attractive woman because they don’t know what to expect. That is due to a lack of experience. As you get more comfortable approaching people, you will start to appreciate how similar women are, and you’ll develop standard ways to overcome their objections or make them laugh by teasing them or engaging them in an unusual manner. And, more generally, you’ll develop an ease and comfort with other people – even strangers – that will translate nicely into a confidence that women find irresistible.

Perhaps you’ve heard some of the advice out there in the dating and seduction community – things like the 3-second rule and approaching with high energy. Those are valid techniques. But, of course, both can fail: what if you can’t get to her in three seconds for some reason? What if you’re in a subdued environment that makes a “high energy” approach weird?

In general, I think it makes sense to approach a woman immediately upon seeing her to avoid a mental “psyche-out” or so you can act before the situation changes, making her less accessible. Of course, I’ve often observed a woman for a time only to see her boyfriend emerge from a bathroom or come through the door. There’s no harm in ever approaching a single woman, however, because how were you supposed to know? Also, I think that if a shy guy needs to boost his confidence by invoking a “high energy” state, that can possibly work. However, it may just amplify his nervousness, making the situation even more awkward. Or, his efforts may seem so forced or desperate that the woman is turned off. Experiment with these and other techniques that the “seduction guys” promote.

As a man who’s slept with many dozen women and approached thousands, I’ll tell you there’s only one certain method of eliminating approach anxiety: volume. Human beings are learning organisms and we learn to adapt to situations if we’re given repeated attempts at a task. It’s no different here. If you can handle some rebuffs (perhaps many) you’ll eventually learn the subtleties of what works and what doesn’t. Eventually, interacting with a beautiful woman will become your duty and very natural. That’s not to say all will yield to your charm, but you’ll feel entitled to and compelled to approach attractive women.

A final tip: a mental “psyche up” can get you in front of her – “I know I can! I know I can!” – but that’s just the beginning. If your natural state isn’t “charming, flirty” then you’ll slide back to your default personality. And, the only way to develop the personality that attracts women is to really develop it, by putting in the miles, with many women. So get out there and start saying “hi” to women, incorporating the techniques you’re reading about. I’ll tell you this: twenty cold approaches to women will teach you more than most dating books ever could.