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To lighten things up around here, I’ve invited TwentySix (Extramask/Barry Kirkey) to write a regular Sunday column. Enjoy:

I realize more than most people that I am a cynical person. Some people would call me negative because I rip on people and things all the time. But that doesn’t make me negative. It makes me funny and charming.

I decided to take a look at what was going on in the world according to the United States of America to see what I could make fun of. The first U.S. news company that popped into my head was CNN. Good old CNN – we go way back to the time of that famous Bronco chase in the early 90’s, which included the famous “Al Cowlings” (from Three’s Company).

To my surprise, right when I loaded their home page, I came across an interesting phenomenon: CNN hates the world.

Here is a snapshot of the TOP STORIES the moment I visited their website:

I realized that there is absolutely no good news in the world according to CNN. They hate everything and everybody. They are deflecting their bad mood on the rest of us poor saps by writing about violence and scandals.

But let’s put all joking aside and think about this for a minute. Let’s (you and me, together) consider the socio-cultural impact that this has on the most influential country in the world – the United States of America. If they didn’t hate everybody, why would their star anchor look like this? [Click here to view a picture of CNN’s Anchor]

The only article you could argue as not negative is the one titled “Clinton and Obama in dead heat.” My favorite part is how they made the real story more fun by adding the word dead to the title. If you’re going to add a word like that, why not go all the way? Why not make the font red and dripping with blood with a knife sticking out of the side? And maybe a hand is holding the knife. And maybe the hand belongs to Al Cowlings… Or does it?

On the same note, politicians are all scammers. One time, Hillary Clinton and I were having lunch, and she flat out insulted every Norwegian Person within a 40 second conversation. Why would she do that? I happen to know and love many respectable Norwegians, and believe me I could tell she was up to no good when I smelled her farts that same day.

Speaking of farts, I recommend that everyone view the best fart, a tribute to the show, Kenny vs. Spenny:

I bet you thought that fart was funny, right? Well you’re wrong - his face is funny. This happens to be rated the best joke ever recorded on television. Like it or love it, Kenny’s fart face is here to stay.

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