Why does the average man give a woman he has just met, a compliment?
In his head when giving the compliment, he’s thinking. Woman like compliments, it makes them feel good. If I make them feel good. They will like me. If they like me, they might sleep with me. In theory it works, but the reality is sometimes a little different.
Woman like alcohol too; so they buy her a drink, if I buy her drink she will be happy if she is happy….…you can see where this is going.
Lets now skip over to whats going on in the woman’s head at this same moment of time
Man says, “You have beautiful eyes”
Woman’s head is saying a few things, such as;
“How un-original”
Or
“He probably has used this line on 5 other girls tonight”
Maybe
“Why is he still looking at me? Please don’t tell me he wants a compliment back? Maybe he wants a medal? I think I’ll just give him a little weak “thanks” instead.”
Perhaps
“Has he not even noticed my eyes are bloodshot today”
Maybe
“Funny, I never knew my eyes were on the top of my breasts”
Or
“Should I put the poor thing out of his misery?’
Or even
“Maybe not yet, I think I can get a free drink out of this guy before moving on”
Who ever said girls were made of sugar and spice and all things nice?
Now how can guys improve on their complimenting skills to avoid scenarios like this one?
Firstly the main objective of his compliment has to take a 180 degree turn. His objective must be to get a result, which will give him more value and, consequently, her, less value. The compliment must
a. Make you stand out from the crowd
b. Make impact
c. Make her lower value than you
d. Make her want to please
e. Make her feel like an individual
f. Make you an individual
How do you accomplish this?
Double sided compliments
All this can be achieved by simply delivering a double-sided compliment; with strong eye contact, and showing no apparent care or interest for her response or reaction.
(Remember give someone the role (write in)
Here are some examples of effective double-sided compliments
“You look great…. but you would look stunning a blonde”
“You have beautiful lips…. pity you don’t wear red lipstick, it would be so much more sexy”
“Have you ever tried wearing red nail polish? … You have lovely hands, and that would be more elegant”
“I like your shoes, I’m really fussy about women’s shoes, and those are really sensible and practical, which shows you have your head screwed on… but killer heels would make heads turn in this room”
“Mmmm, what perfume is that? …. Its ok, but when a woman wears (name of perfume) its speaks sexiness, and makes such impact”
With these examples what your basically saying is
“You look great…. but I’ve seen better/there’s room for improvement.”
The objective you want to create is to put yourself in high status/value while simultaneously allowing her to know your compliment was genuine and tailor made to her, and not to every girl in the room.
A double-sided compliment speaks volumes; it says; your confident enough to give her a sincere compliment but your also strong enough to risk losing your chances with her because of your honesty (principles and integrity)
Note:
Honesty= confidence in a woman’s eyes, an alpha man will not spin lies to keep someone happy, he will say what he wants when he wants because he needs no ones approval.
When you have delivered the second part of the double-sided compliment, the part where you have caught her off guard – as she was expecting the compliment to end after the first part. She did not expect the “there’s always room for improvement” to come along.
Within seconds you would have gone from another time waster who thinks pleasing woman this way will get him laid, to someone who has high value in taste and wishes to be pleased rather than please.
She will be attracted to the honesty, even if it could in theory jeopardize your chances with her, this in reality only adds to the risk factor and will turn her on more.
Note:
Woman love to please (I said this in my last article, and will keep on repeating myself as this is a vital characteristic men don’t assume about woman)
If you say we are beautiful why do we need to carry on pleasing you, why do we need to make the effort? The challenge is gone.
You will find that using a double-sided compliment, will not only keep her on her toes and let her know that you are not intimidated by beauty like other guys (she will presume all your girlfriends are hot) but when it comes to escalation stage, you will be able to use a full straight out compliment with even sexual connotations (no double side) she will be turned on by this, as it will appear to be genuine (remember she has categorized you as honest by now) and it will be a reward, it will be saying, now your goods enough for this compliment with out any neg after it.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve got to be joking right? I know these are supposed to be general ball park examples but Jesus Christ! No man even comes close to speaking this way yet alone thinking this way.
“You look great…. but you would look stunning a blonde”
Exceptable.
“You have beautiful lips…. pity you don’t wear red lipstick, it would be so much more sexy”
Boderline. Delivered correctly it plants thoughts of her having oral sex with you. Delivered incorrectly and she envisions you playing dress-up!
“Have you ever tried wearing red nail polish? … You have lovely hands, and that would be more elegant”
Gay. Men don’t comment on the the disposition of women nails other than their propensity for putting scratches in his back as she’s in the throes of an orgasm.
“I like your shoes, I’m really fussy about women’s shoes, and those are really sensible and practical, which shows you have your head screwed on… but killer heels would make heads turn in this room”
Flaming drag queen gay.!!!!!!!!! All that’s missing is you wearing a boa.
“Mmmm, what perfume is that? …. Its ok, but when a woman wears (name of perfume) its speaks sexiness, and makes such impact”
Gay. This is delivered way too soon into the conversation. Save this for when you are nibbling her ear and kissing her neck. And even this is a risk. Maybe I’m old school and out of touch but what man knows not only the name of women perfumes but their individual scents?
I’ve no qualms with the double sided comments uses as a tactic. This is sound advice. But I strongly suggest the use of some different examples.
Try this one. Look at her ass and then into her eyes and say,
“You’ve got a little way to go, but your gym is really paying dividends.”
Risky because it touches on the weight thing but it elicts a strong feeling of ambivalance. The operative words here are “strong feeling”.
“Have you ever tried wearing red nail polish? … You have lovely hands, and that would be more elegant”
“I like your shoes, I’m really fussy about women’s shoes, and those are really sensible and practical, which shows you have your head screwed on… but killer heels would make heads turn in this room”
“Mmmm, what perfume is that? …. Its ok, but when a woman wears (name of perfume) its speaks sexiness, and makes such impact”
Hi Will
thanks for the suggestions and your views,
few things Id like to respond with on your points.
Never mention a girls weight,Im serious don’t even come close to talking about her weight, face,perfume sexiness etc are perfectly exceptable, the weight part can get you in to trouble.
I suggest you open up a woman magazine, and see how much of it is dedicated to weight, about 70 percent, its not just an obsession for woman it can lead to real depression and a feling of inadequacy to the point where they binge and goon extreme diets that screw up their heds and bodies at the sometime. Fine line my friends that I would advice you to back away from.
The gay part, I promise you from my experiance, guys that have said that to me have never been seen as gay.
Flaming drag queens- usually dress up as woman, thats why they call them drag queens, I’ve made no suggestion of dressing up as woman in this article, but thats a differant blog for another time. (drag queens pulling hb9)
Remember guys you do not have to use my lines words for word, this is to give you an idea of what I mean by double sided compliments.
whoops double post!
In a few weeks Im doing an article about
“men who worry to much about coming across gay”,
“and how it can actually help you pull beautiful woman”.
So I do not what to exhaust this subjest too much.
Keiza:
It’s not so much that I disagree with your comments (you’ll note I warned of the risk of the “weight thing”)but it has to be put in some kind of contex. IMHO, hunting for booty and searching for a girfriend are two entirely different things that require two different approaches. I realize other may disagree with this. I’ll not comment on the gay aspect since this is fodder for future posts, but I will say, when writing that column I hope you are mindful of the social and emotional state the neopyte readers bring to this site.
Will
Hey Will
good point!
There are guys who are lookingfor a girlfriend rathe than a one night stand, but if you aleep with a girl on the first night then there is an extremley strong chance she will want to be your girlfriend too. So what I teach is more about getting f-closes or atleast number closes, it can turn in to a relationship afterwards.
Hope thast helped clear things up a bit.
Hey guys,
I just want to support the watching what you say…. I onced joked with a friend who is also a woman and said that she look prego. Ouch! I know, but that night she said I was looking a bit over weight so i shot that back at her but also repeatedly said I was joking! She was amazing looking, the perfect body! Well that got to her head and bam, about three months later she was a stick and not in a good way! She says she thanks me but I would take her old body over her new one anyday!
So be careful!
Kris
Like I said, women are obsessed with their weight… including me!
Great comments, keep em coming!
Another point I want to get acroos more clearly, is the fact that when you give her a genuine compliment in the escaltion period, it will be more believable, and will be a surprise and reward when she realises it has no second part to it.
David D. advises teasing thin women about being fat and eating too much. One time a hot bar around here advertised there would be a kind of mini-carnival with models promoting some famous cheap brand of beer. I thought it would be funny to say something like, “You obviously love [whatever brand], with that giant beer gut. You’re like Santa Claus minus the beard. Well, actually, I’d suppose you might have a beard… you should go into sumo. Just be sure to keep your clothes on.” She looked traumatized. I explained that I was kidding, patted her on the back, and moved on, but I noticed she was staring at me after that—and not necessarily in a bad way. Afterwards I decided that even if it can generate something like attraction, or level the playing field, it’s not worth giving the girl an eating disorder, or reinforcing it if she already has one. Then again, if all the pressure a model must face to be thin hadn’t already given her an eating disorder, how likely is it that my little semi-intoxicated joke would be more powerful than all that social and professional pressure?
Some girls get incredibly upset when I ask if they’re retarded. Others like it. But I’m definitely not going to give them a retardation disorder if they don’t already have one. (Or several.) Smart girls seem to like it more, unless they have a personal reason not to (brain disorder, relative, PC psychobitch).
Kezia, you don’t have to worry about your weight! You look great in that pic with the black dress… but I think blue would look much better
lol…
Quite interesting post Kezia.
I had to comment because I felt that the double sided compliment really sounds like a subtle neg or a subliminal “I am better than you” sort of line.
why all this obsession on Making her lower value than you? why not approach a women with the mindset that she is of the same equal value. I stick to the idea that men and women both have an equal value to a society as a gender while keeping in mind that they are not similar and are quite different as human beings.
A society with a skewed male to female (or female to male) ratio (due to wars, famine, natural disasters, brain drain etc…) is less powerful in the long run than a society that has an equal number of both genders. Nevertheless having an equal male to female ratio does not guarantee a mate for every male because women are Hypergamous while males are polygamous (from my observations). in other words, the top leaders get the good ones (if not more than their fair share!) and the followers pick up what’s left.
Negs work on women that are overconfident and/or insecure (2 sides of the same coin) because are trying to hide their insecurities by putting up a fake “strong” facade. It is without doubt that there is a lot of ego flying high in a club environment and I do agree that a women (or a Man) with an overinflated ego has to be put back in her/his place. Nonetheless, this has to be done IF the other party crosses the line and is disrespectful.
Approaching a women with the mindset that “I m going to show her that I’m better than her by playing up her insecurities and breaking down her ego” is quite weak and bitter. This could work on the short run (one night stands and flings maybe) but will not help in building a long lasting and fulfilling relationship that is based on manipulative head games.
A strong man simply knows who he is and where he’s coming from, he does not have to prove anything to anyone and only follows the beat of his own drums.
he is genuinely nice, kind and caring towards others yet firm, assertive and hard-line when it’s called for. all in all he is well balanced and centered man.
Furthermore he is not in the business of giving insincere and excessive flattery to women just to stroke their egos.
Simply approaching a women in a bold, direct, upfront, straightforward and unapologetic manner regarding his own interests and intentions is a “compliment” in itself.
His cool, calm and collected swagger, his relaxed demeanor, his seductive voice and eyes coupled with his “Assertive and Outcome Indifferent” mindset makes him a genuinely strong man.
He knows what he truly wants and does not apologize for it.
A good compliment is simply a sincere and genuine compliment. No need to follow it up with a subtle neg in my opinion.
Again it is HOW things are said and done that matter more than what is being said. we all know that actions speak louder than words
this is just my 2 cents.
thanks
The last women to whom I said “Your eyes are amazing!” (deep sea green BTW) gave me a big heart-to-heart hug and took my cell number. My compliment delighted her because her eyes delighted me, and I had the cojones to say so. She later decided (after she called and we met, of course) that she wasn’t interested in joining my harem, but that’s a different story.
Point is this: what you say is almost totally irrelevant. HOW you say it is where the game is won and lost.
Kezia already mentioned that she’s basically taking club goin chics who make themselves to be high maintenance than anyone else out there and who are basically kinda insecure and/or overconfident at the same time!!! From that point, it seems fair to give a double sided compliment and works pretty well cause you arent one of the crowd then….but at the same times *natural’s* can say things to women and still not come across as a wuss because they dont have that needy frame which most guys do!!!
Basically I think you have to calibrate according to the situation and see how she’s like within the first few mins and that’s what I do!!!
Kezia never said this is the only way to meet attractive women, it can be just another interesting aspect of you that’s attractive. Why not look at this as an intelligent person would, think outside of the box, and take this advice and put your own spin on it?
Is she looking at your website full of good information or are you looking at hers?
Hi Kezia,
What you mentioned is quite truly but pretty much unpractical in the sub-continental region where the girls are getting their freedom and engulfing modernization. To be specific, what you talk about is only applicaple to girls who have the international exposure from abroad but you can easily seduce the girls here by using some exciting words alone.
Yes, girls like compliments. Frequently boys use a lot of compliments only to have sex with a girl. So, girls be careful