Being A Leader (Sinn Column)

April 21st, 2008 • Sinn • Related • Filed Under •

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Sinn If I could teach someone just one skill to get better with women and social skills in general, it would be learning to lead. In any social interaction you have to know where you want to go and how you are going to get there.

You must lead the initial interaction with a new women both physically and verbally. This starts from the first eye contact and approach through handling logistics and dealing with LMR. You always have to lead.

Before you can even lead the interaction with an individual women, you are going to have to lead the group’s attention for long enough to start a private conversation with the women you are interested in. In order to do this we want to demonstrate The Characteristics Of Social Leadership.


1. True leaders demonstrate through both behavior and stories that you inspire loyalty from people. It is very important to convey that when you need others help,they help. No questions asked.

2. The ability to instantly gain people’s respect. It is vitally important that the group is at least ok with you being there. The more attention(Respect) you give the obstacles, the more likely they will be to let you stick around generally uninterrupted.

3. The next characteristic is confidence. This mostly comes from believing in what you are doing. When you make a decision, suggest a move, make a joke or even touch a woman, you must look like you think it’s going to work. I do this by acting like it’s weird when the girls don’t like me. You have to put full faith into everything you do. The more you believe what you are doing is going to work even when it isn’t, the better you will convey confidence. Confidence is simply a belief in yourself and ability to accomplish anything.

4. A leader has an outcome in mind. He knows what he wants out of the interaction and takes steps towards them. You don’t want to be attached to the outcome but you need to have a plan for who you are interested in getting to know better, where you are going to move her to have a private conversation away from her friends, what you are going to suggest going on a date to do at a later time, and how to get her back to your place if the opportunity presents itself. This can also be called handling logistics.

5. The ability to lead physically. You have to take the initiative in establishing a physical relationship. This means you need to touch her early and often. You also should get comfortable leading women around to different parts of the bar or club. You need to be unafraid to try to make a bigger move later on. Learn to look at touching like bringing up a map in a video game. You are learning where you are at the time.

6. The last characteristic of leadership is being unreactive to negative social feedback. The only reason people react to things is because they think that they somehow help themselves gain something they want or they want to avoid something unpleasant happening.

Imagine a 6 year old girl telling you to leave her alone. You probably wouldn’t have a huge emotional reaction. However if the most beautiful women you ever saw told you to leave her alone, you’d be devastated because of the perceived loss her negative social behavior made you feel. True leaders believe in themselves enough that they don’t feel the need to acknowledge anything that doesn’t help them.

Which brings us to the number one rule of pick up which is to ignore anything that doesn’t help you. This works on the theory of magnification. Meaning that while having a great comeback when a woman tests you makes you look smart simply ignoring it and changing the subject demonstrates the confidence and dominance of a true leader.

There you guys have my characteristics for leading in social situations.

Till next week,

Sinn

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There Are 4 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by Famous on 21 April 2008:

    Wow very good information, a basic refresher, but definitely valuable. Meeting and attracting women is a way of thinking, it’s a way of being.

  2. Comment by m0in10nz on 22 April 2008:

    So why don’t you take the lead and move that fugly girl out of your photo? Is she famous or something? You must have been with prettier girls than that… or at least conned them into one photo with you. “Which brings us to the number one rule of pick up which is to ignore anything that doesn’t help you”—like the fact that she looks like a warpig? Maybe you’re ignoring a little too much there.

    The idea of Sinn lecturing people on being an unreactive leader is pretty funny. Maybe he’s different when he’s sober, but when he used to teach his seminars drunk, one of the first things he’d say is, “Nobody try to game me.” By which he meant: don’t use cocky funny (while he continually busted on other puas (Matador, Lovedrop, RJ, Mystery), including his boss Savoy and his co-instructor Future when they weren’t in the room), don’t make jokes, don’t ask even marginally difficult questions even if they’re completely serious. And if anyone did, he’d lose his shit, get red in the face, yell his head off, demand that the student admit he doesn’t know anything and therefore should not question Sinn’s authority, and storm out of the room, slam the door, and wait a few minutes to come back… or was that just an excuse to go get more beer? Huge contrast between him and guys like Mystery and Matador, who are able to be alpha in a gracious way.

    But Sinn can certainly be an amusing drunk reaction-monkey. What was his famous Ghost Bar opener again?… “I wish a plane would fly into this building and KILL everyone in here!” Unreactive, abundant, protector of loved ones, healthy emotional circuitry, leader of men.

  3. Comment by Ares on 22 April 2008:

    Hmm…I’m not saying that what you said is not true, and I have also heard other people say Sinn was kind of an ass years ago.
    But guess what, that is the true power of this community, to be able to transform people.
    Sinn is a cool guy, and he offers a ton of free value to people (check out his blog).
    And also remember that he is as skilled in the field as anyone out there (at the same level of Matador, LD or Mystery which I also respect and admire).
    Also Sinn has a lot of background on other schools of pick up unlike most gurus out there, which makes him a valuable teacher.

  4. Comment by mk on 10 June 2008:

    Ares,
    Sinn is still the ass you probably know. The only piece of value he adds to the community is his blog. He does not have the charisma of many master instructors I know. I have been in the community since the mASF days. He’s one of those guys who comes across as know-it-all brat, a huge difference b/w him and Bradp and Lyons for that matter. Yes, if you are thinking of investing in a bootcamp he is definitely not the answer, take my word on it!

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