There Are 14 Responses So Far. »

1. 

   Comment by AJ on 16 April 2008:

   DAMN!

   Talk about a lack of the ability to compromise. I’d hate to see what a relationship with her would be like.

   After she said: “Are you serious? No forget it. Let’s not go.”, I probably would’ve just replied with, “Ok.” Especially because you said you didn’t want to go. When a girl goes over the top like that without an explanation, she naturally wants you to inquire further so she can really lay her opinion into you.

   Saying something neutral and not inquiring further absolutely destroys her stance. This results in:
   1) She thinks: Why isn’t this guy inquiring further and begging for me to go out with him? Does he know something I don’t? Does he have other plans?
   2) She’ll rethink her own emotions. Sometimes she’ll put herself in her own place, and think, “maybe I should go over there after all instead of being such a bitch.”
   3) Most importantly, it withholds from her exactly what she wants: a chance to lay her opinion on you and bitch about it. A confrontational tone allows her to do this even more, and it rewards her for acting that way: she can backwards rationalize that she isn’t a bitch, she just had to act that way because of your tone.

   I liked your initial couple of lines, but it quickly degraded into a poo flinging contest, and even if you win one of those, you’re still covered in smelly dooky.

   If you really want to put a cherry on top of this interaction, bring the girl you’ve been seeing to her restaurant and make sure you are seated in her section.
2. 

   Comment by corafan on 16 April 2008:

   I agree with AJ.

   But given that you went “?” instead of “OK,” here’s how it should have played out:

   Her: “You wanted to take ME out. And you’re not gonna even pick me up? I don’t play that game. Next time you need to show more respect.”
   Me: “I would have picked you up, that’s no problem. Enjoy your evening.”

   No reason to parlay it into a gratuitous argument just to try to make her feel worse (or you feel better).
3. 

   Comment by Donovan on 16 April 2008:

   Great points! I’m a weak man though, and love shit slinging especially when I think they deserve it. I never mind giving a woman power to see if her argument holds weight but hers didn’t. I think this is an alpha male response as I look back. What would have been AFC is to say “I’m sorry. I’ll pick you up, I just thought it would be easier…” or “I’m such an idoit. I’ve cause I’ll pick you up. You seem like a great girl.”

   It MAY be part of my AFC coming out still, but often times I hold back when an argument may ensue. The part when I said “Ha ha sad sad little girl” I was actually going to say “Who said I’m single?” but vetoed towards a more mellow response.

   I actually met this girl while I was with the other girl I was seeing. Perhaps a return visit with a different girl? =)
4. 

   Comment by Doug on 16 April 2008:

   I do think that you could have handled some of this a bit differently.

   You looked her up on Facebook and contacted her– I don’t know what the Facebook etiquette on this is, but I know I would be uncomfortable if someone I had just casually met contacted me on a public forum like that.

   I don’t know any women who would agree to meet up with me at my home before we went out (unless I had been dating them for quite some time).

   I probably wouldn’t have called her out like that when she abruptly changed her mind. She flakes — then you should just say “OK.” It will bother her that you don’t seem so bothered by it.

   That being said…
   she DID give you her tel #
   She DID flake on you instead of just telling you she was uncomfortable with meeting up at your place.
   She DID over react to you
5. 

   Comment by Donovan on 16 April 2008:

   Thanks Doug. Insightful.

   On Facebook: It works VERY consistently for me, so that seems like a non-issue. The thing with any “creepy” behaviour is… if the girl is attracted to you - IT’S FINE.

   On meeting at my place: Near every girl I’ve been out with I get them to meet at my house first. About 80% of my first dates start this way. Like I said in the post, 5+ years of doing this with 0 issues. There is a reason for that: they become more comfortable about the idea of returning there after the date. Try it.

   I don’t think flaking has much to do with my response to her. I didn’t consider her a flake. I considered her to be annoying as hell at her response to a legitimate proposal. My not having any reason to pander to her (dating a few quality girls atm) gave me the thought “Let’s take her for a different ride”
6. 

   Comment by Yummy Stale Bread on 16 April 2008:

   I’m confused. Did you get her number at the restaurant or you actually did take her name off of the receipt and look her up on facebook? And if it is the latter, did you tell her you were going to do that or did you just do it? And what was your interaction like at the restaurant that night?
7. 

   Comment by Donovan on 16 April 2008:

   I got her name of the receipt. Once again… I was WITH another girl. I’m not going to overtly flirt in front of her, though I was making great eye contact and playful banter, that’s completely disrespectful especially seeing as the girl has been nothing but cool to me. The waitress was flirty and got the sense that she was eager to meet up with me. We messaged over facebook and text for a week earlier to the proposed date, and I invited her to a few parties in the mean time.
8. 

   Comment by Brad on 17 April 2008:

   Lets see if my av pops up…

   Okay, instead of looking at this at a possible what went wrong… “You guys can shread this if you like” type of thing.

   Let’s look at what’s right:

   No matter how it went down, you got to find out that there was some DAMAGE there… and you didn’t want any part of it.

   That seems to be the ultimate goal in the beginning of any interaction anyway… “Let’s find out how cool this person really is?”

   For me… I can tell you how this would have went down as its a pretty standard response…

   Instead of “?”… I would waited a few minutes and then wrote back:

   “Problems?” (I do this just to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes)

   Then she prob would have said something about respect or something… blah… blah, or told me about why she’s like that.

   Naturally, I would have said something along the lines of “Hmmm, sounds like a Dr Phil show (okay, I couldn’t resist). Meet me over here in 10…” (I always repeat what I want in these situations)

   Of course, she could have still been a little bitchy about it, but that’s when the fun begins for me. I’d prob laugh and go pick her up and then give her a little bit of a hard time about the “respect” deal.

   Also, I’m damn good at disarming women as well so I always know that if I ever run into this situation, it’s fun because I usually can break her down so that she relaxes and has fun… and then respects me MORE because of it.

   Some women just have been conditioned about certain types of things… by their parents… shitty ex-boyfriends… whatever.

   Many times, its more than you want to deal with in something long term… but if your after the short term… these women are often the easiest to sleep with…
9. 

   Comment by Yummy Stale Bread on 17 April 2008:

   I find this fascinating and very informative…how many times have you taken a waitress’s name off a receipt and facebooked her and of those you have how many have ended up on Day 2s?
10. 

    Comment by Donovan on 17 April 2008:

    That’s the first off a receipt, but often times I just ask there name and facebook them later. I’d say about 65% turn into dates. The beauty is, it really isn’t much work and I only do it to supplement meeting girls in other ways.
11. 

    Comment by Lance on 17 April 2008:

    Dude, that’s cool that you’re sharing this interaction. Brad’s response is gold also, some stuff in there I wouldn’t have thought of. I would have been interested to see how the date would have gone despite knowing her damage or bitchiness.
12. 

    Comment by chill on 19 April 2008:

    Your whole frame of interaction started incorrectly. This would have been much better:

    Me: “We’re going to gurus”
    Her: “Ya I like that place”
    Me: “Excellent. Pick me up at 8:30.”

    If she replied to refuse, don’t respond, go do something else.

    Why are you taking some chick to dinner anyway? Take her on your next trip to Target… escalate in housewares or something. Or just have her come over with a bottle of wine.
13. 

    Comment by Zictor on 22 April 2008:

    I don’t know if you should have told her to be relaxed for the next guy. I mean, you seem not to have cared, so you just wanted to have some fun. I agree with corafan though, an “OK” or no reply would have been better. No reply would have been even better. Show that you really don’t care.

    By having this small battle, you showed that you cared about losing face in front of her, at least a little bit.
14. 

    Comment by Donovan on 22 April 2008:

    Yeah you’re probably right guys. I probably was concerned a little bit with “winning”. That’s just my personality.

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