The Importance Of The Opening (Kezia Column)

I want to look at the actual importance of an opening; the question being: is it the most important part of pick up or maybe the least?

I usually go with the latter statement but I also accept that in some situations the “opener” can be more of a major factor than in other circumstances.

However, I stick by my opinion that it is never beneficial when one is putting too much energy and emphasis into a fixed a routine, or getting hung up too much on that killer opener.

There’s nothing wrong with a beginner having a fixed routine just so he can get used to the feeling of approach, and vanquishing the fear of opening a complete stranger. But after the general dread of the opening has gone, its best to move away from the fixed routines relatively quickly, and begin to work on progressing your game. A fixed routine, can after a while, become yet another comfort zone that has replaced the old one.

Here Is My Take On The Approach

Generally, I teach my students to experiment with as many different openers a possible, from the dull and mundane situational observations to the extreme and ridiculous statements.

What is vital is not so much the content of the opening but more the frame of mind before the approach, and of course the…

I want to discuss this part in greater detail in my next column, because now I want to keep on discussing the frame of mind (pre-approach) and the actual openings.

But briefly what I mean when I say “reaction to responses,” is that no matter how fantastic and wonderful the opener you gave your target was- it can be totally fruitless if it is not taken to the next level. It’s like having a killer intro of a song, (imagine your particular fave intro) so here it is building and building to that crescendo and then being suddenly followed up by a lullaby, what an anti climax! This happens all too often when too much emphasis is put on to a brilliant opener or routine.

Saying that, there are always exceptions to the rules. For example the circumstances and the energy or mood of the target must be taken in to account.

If for instance, she is casually strolling, and taking in the sunshine at her leisure then she is more likely to stop and listen to what you have to say than one who is walking forcefully down a crowded road with a look of bother on her face. Therefore to stop the latter in her tracks and distract her from where she is intending to get to, one has to make sure the opening is a little more or a lot more (choice is yours) than a gentle “hey” Even so, the response/reaction to her response/reaction is still in my opinion more vital to master.

Frame Of Mind In Pre-Approach

No matter what gem you’ve got up your sleeve, your frame of mind must always remain high status and positive. Regardless of situation and target.

I tell all my students to write out a list, of what they require in their ideal woman, not physically. For instance is she funny? Political? Maternal? A smoker? Drinker? Is she ambitious? Does he like woman who can laugh at them selves? Does he like woman who has a interest in current affairs? What puts him off? Someone who is vulgar? Ignorant?

In other words, BE FUSSY! Be fussy as much as us girls are! He will find himself going in to the approach automatically with a tick box, does she fit the criteria? Is she good enough for me? Not am I good enough for her? Reverse the pattern!

Also this will make him much less outcome dependent, and if he’s not outcome dependent then there can be no rejection.

Noun
Rejection – the act of rejecting something; “his proposals were met with rejection”

If he has yet to decided whether she’s met his expectations or ticked enough boxes for him to ask for her number, or offers his then that means he is going in to “set,” without any chance of rejection. Only once he has decided she is worthy enough to take his number (or ask for hers,) does he enter the point when rejection could occur. But to be honest by that stage, if she has told him so much about herself, and providing he has remained in high status through out, the chances of rejection are slim.

When he spots his target, what should not be going on in his head, is the following:

“Wow she hot, right, lets see, what should I do? I hope she likes me, I need to get this girls number, she’s so hot, I hope I don’t fuck this one up etc.”

This will immediately put him in low status, it will put pressure on the situation because he has become so “outcome dependent” and he might even build her up so much that he will not go through with it after all.

Non-PUAs spot an attractive woman, and make up their mind there and then that they want to take her to bed, regardless of whether she’s a bitch or she smokes or she’s dull. This will automatically make him approach the target at a lower status and totally fixated on the outcome, so much so that he will give up all his principles and let her trample on his pride so he can get her to bed.

What should be going on in his mind?

“She’s cute, yeah at least an 8, but what else does she have to offer? I’m going to have myself a little chat with this and see if she funny, nice, political, sexy” whatever his tick boxes require to be ticked.

This will immediately put him in high status, his body language will become more alpha, he will keep his principles and pride in tact, and since he’s not outcome dependent, it will free him from any pressure he might have had otherwise.

So remember: pre-approach frame of mind is more important than the opening line as is also the reaction/response to here response/reaction.

I will leave you with 2 conversations, one resulting with a tried and tested positive opener and the other with a dull opener, each resulting differently NOT because of the material in the opener but with what comes after.

Jack: “Hey- you look like a fairly stylish girl, I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something”

Hb: “Sure”

Jack: “The thing is, its my friend Tanya’s birthday next week, and she kinda has your physique and coloring and I was wondering if you could suggest a knock me dead outfit that I could get her?”

Hb: “Sure- em, what’s your budget”

Jack: “£200”

Hb: “Ok, then I would say a corset, if she has my body then a corset would suit her”

Jack: “A corset, cool”

Hb: “Yeah”

Jack: “Cool, erm, what color”

Hb: “Hmm well if she’s got my coloring then I would say yellow or maybe black”

Jack: “Yellow or black? Cool- do you think she’d like that”

Hb: “Er, well I guess, which girl wouldn’t like an item of clothing for £200”

Jack: “Cool, yeah your probably right. So who are you here with tonight?”

So many hooks, so many avenues, great opener….but what an anti climax right?

After the opening, as good as it was, comes the point where she is reminded she is talking to a total stranger, what happens next? Barriers go up, and everything else after that becomes un natural and desperate.

Lets look at this one.

Jack: “Hey, great music here tonight”

Hb: “Its ok”

Jack: “Ha- if I was in a club where I thought the music was just ok – I would leave”

Hb: “Yeah?”

Jack: “Defiantly, why would someone stick around if the music was lame?”

Hb: “ I never said it was lame”

Jack: “Yeah, but you never said it was great either”

Hb: “Well, it’s ok”

Jack: “See there you go again- back to that boring word ok, you should try being more adventurous in your choice of words”

Hb: “ Like what?”

Jack: “Like, I think the music here is weak, or its plain or monotonous, pick one!”

Hb: “Ok, it’s monotonous”

Jack: “That’s true it is a bit, I guess you must hate rap, that can be monotonous”

Hb: “No, I like rap”

Jack: “You don’t strike me as a ghetto girl”

Hb: “I’m not really” (laughs)

Jack: “Too late babe- tonight I’m going to know you as Ghetto Queen”

This shows how a boring opener with a non-responsive girl can be more effective if done correctly than a great opener with a responsive girl!

Check out more from Kezia at the PUATraining website.