No More Excuses (Herbal's Game Column)

I’m back where it all started. I flew into LAX today, picked up my rental car, and headed to West Hollywood. I haven’t really been back since I lived the pickup artists, but it feels as if I’ve never left.

I drove by our old house, which now looks like a family lives in it. If only they knew its history.

Now I’m at Style’s house on a mission to write this newsletter before I fall asleep. I’m still on eastern time, and it’s 6:30 there.

So let’s get to it…

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Most times I find myself in a situation where I won’t approach a beautiful girl, because I don’t want to come off looking desperate. I will psych myself out of it by saying things like, “A girl that hot probably has a boyfriend” “She is probably attracted to money” “I will probably stumble over my words and embarrass myself” “What if someone sees me get rejected” “If it’s really meant to happen, she will approach me”. Sometimes I hope to see them smoking so I don’t find them attractive anymore.

I also won’t go to bars or clubs. I don’t drink, there is too many chumps and I lose my voice after 10 minutes so it’s sounds like I’m
yelling. I don’t have a wingman either, because all of my friends are married or in committed relationships but I am starting to hang out more with friends from work which happen to all be girls, but none that I am really attracted to.

How do I stand out without changing who I am?

-M

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Hey M,

I’m reading a lot of excuses here. I think you know that these are just excuses, so I won’t harp on it too much.

But for those reading along – no excuse is a good excuse.

“A girl that hot probably has a boyfriend.”

Maybe. But what if she doesn’t? What if she’s sick of that boyfriend and is looking for someone new? Or maybe you’re right and she’s happily attached to someone else. What do you lose by trying? “She is probably attracted to money.”

Probably. But she’s probably a lot MORE attracted to a confident guy who will go talk to her.

“I will probably stumble over my words and embarrass myself”

Maybe, but the more you stumble the less you’ll stumble later.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. The best way to avoid letting yourself off the hook with lame excuses like these is to just be aware of them.

What I personally do is I keep track of any excuses I make for myself (in any area) during the day and I publicly post them on my forums. Just knowing that I’ll have to write about it usually keeps me away from most of them.

But let’s get to the real issue here.

Changing.

This is really just the biggest excuse of all, but I don’t think that it’s very obvious, so I’m going to break it down a little bit.

You want to change. Present day “M” is not as successful with the girls as he wants to be. Future “M” is successful with girls.

So… something’s got to change. And of course it’s got to be you.

And what’s so bad about change? You don’t want to change your strong points – the things that define you. You want to change your bad habits.

Should you start drinking? Of course not. I don’t drink either.

Should you go to clubs?

I think so. I hate clubs as well but they’re the best place to learn this stuff. You can get whatever you want in life, but you have to be willing to put in the work and make some sacrifices here and there.

Otherwise your question is an impossible one – “How can I get what I want without doing what it takes?”

Spending time at clubs will help your vocal projection big time. Some people can do it… why can’t you? Is it because there’s some
fundamental deficiency you have… or is it just because you haven’t put in the time to build the skill?

The bottom line is this: learning pickup is the process of eliminating your bad traits and emphasizing your good ones. It will be one of the best things you ever do for yourself – guaranteed.

But it comes with a price. That price is being willing to push through the “pain period” and move outside your comfort zone. You’ll have to detach from the familiar and comfortable bad habits that you have.

There’s no question of whether or not you can do it, it’s just a matter of whether or not it’s important enough to you to make some small sacrifices.

Hope this helps,

Tynan

P.S. This is the last week to get my complete pickup course (two ebooks, 1 hour audio hidden microphone recording, and 30 day interactive bootcamp) at $47. I’ll be releasing the new version of Make Her Chase You before next week’s article and I’ll be raising the price. If you buy it now you get the new version for free.

P.P.S. Send me your question on pickup, dating, or relationships to
weekly@makeherchaseyou.com. Keep it short and I might answer it next week!