What If A Woman Doesn’t Call Back?

by Editor on September 17, 2007

***QUESTION***

Dave:

I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there that would like your input on this question.

There is something that I haven’t seen addressed in your mailbag or your e-book and that is what to do when the woman you’ve have e-mailed or called didn’t reply to the e-mail or phone call and you see them again. Two personal examples:

Example one:

I meet this girl at my job. Start doing C&F routine on her: “Why do you look so serious, are you trying to scare people away. I know inside of you there’s a nice girl that’s just dying to come out.” She laughs and I say “That’s more like it, now you don’t look so scary.” To make a long story short I ask this girl Friday to give me her phone number so that we can get together the next day.
She gave me her number and I called, left a message on her voice mail and she never got back to me. Saw her the following Monday (she sits right across from me) and she didn’t say anything.No reason why she didn’t call me back. Nothing. I ended not talking to her. I thought that if I asked her about why she flaked she would’ve given me a lame excuse anyway. I haven’t been giving her too much attention since.

Example two:

I go to this club on a regular basis. I saw this one girl and started dancing with her. Did some C&F routine like “Don’t get too close”, “I don’t even know you that well”. She was enjoying it. I asked her for her number before I left (she didn’t have e-mail). Found out after I called the number that she gave me a wrong number. I saw her two weeks afterwards in the same club and just ignored her.

Now for my question. What should I do when I come across situations like these again? Act like it never happened and ignore them or call them on their bullshit. Sometimes I think women flake as a test to see what the men are going to do if they happen to come across them again. I know some guys will just tell them off? What have you done in these situations?

RF NYC

>>> >>>MY COMMENTS:

First, thanks for this question. I have had this situation happen to me personally many, many times, and I’m glad you asked.

One of the things I’ve talked about before is how once a person believes something to be “true” or believes that they understand how something works, that they tend to make other information or new things that they learn, fit that older model, rather than being open to change.

For instance, people who become part of a cult will tend to take the advice from others, evidence that they’re not doing the right thing etc. to help convince them that they ARE doing the right thing.

The reason that I bring this up is because it sounds to me like you’re looking for an answer to how to solve a problem that you should actually try to PREVENT in the first place.

I’m going to talk about how to prevent this problem first, then tell you a few things you can do when you run into it again in the future as well.

Here are two things to keep in mind:

1) Women give out their numbers to guys A LOT (on average). A woman can have all kinds of reasons for giving out her number. She might like the attention, or it might even be just to get rid of a guy.

2) Women expect men to call THEM. And if a man doesn’t reach them when he calls, a woman expects the man to TRY AGAIN. (In the book “The Rules” – the book for women about how to get a man to marry you – the authors tell women not to call men and
rarely return a man’s call, because it makes him think about you and want you more).

If I were you, I’d start thinking about two approaches:

1) Figure out how to make it so that women WANT to give you their REAL number and make them WANT to call you back based on the first meeting.

2) If you got a number instead of email, call her at least 3 or 4 times before you give up.

To figure out how to make women WANT to call you back, you might have to work on improving your humor, your personality, your appearance, or whatever. In short, you need to learn how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you when you first
meet her. If you don’t, she’s not likely to call you back.

Don’t go too overboard on this one because a lot of this issue is just the fact that women don’t return calls as often as men do… but think it through.

There are probably a few things you’re doing that make women feel a little strange at first (this is just a guess, as most guys have things they could improve).

Maybe you’re acting a little too nervous.

Maybe you’re acting too “nice” or like you’re “awed” by women.

Maybe you’re not making eye contact directly, and you’re giving off a “not-very-confident” vibe.

Think about it.

But the best thing you can do is to just call a woman on the phone 3 or 4 times before you give up! (That is, when a woman gives you her REAL number).

Women expect men to keep trying, so they just don’t call back.

Remember, SHE’S THE WOMAN. She’s the one who’s getting approached by interested guys, and who probably sees you as “just another guy” calling her.

You must be persistent, keep it cool and low- key, and keep calling until you reach her.

If a woman gives you a fake number, it just means that she wanted to get rid of you…

You need to think about how the interaction went, and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the behavior and communication that made her want to give you a fake number.

Again, think about it and make improvements.

And to answer your question directly of “What do I do if I see her again afterwards”, I’d say that it all depends.

If you would consider going out with a woman who has the ethical standard of giving out fake numbers, then I’d say you might want to reconsider your choice of women…

And if you would like to talk to a woman who didn’t call you back (maybe you left her a message, etc.), then I’d come up with something funny. Cocky & Funny, that is.

Walk over and make fun of her because it’s obvious that she didn’t have enough money to pay her phone bill and when she tried to call you back she found that her phone was disconnected but that it’s nothing to be ashamed of and you’ll take pity on her and buy her some ramen noodle soup while she’s broke and hungry.

Just make sure you’re lighthearted about it, and you communicate that you could really care less that she didn’t call you back… but that you’re going to take the opportunity to bust on her because she’s in your presence.

In the seminars that I teach, we do some exercises around body language and other non- verbal communication.

Your body language says SOOOOO MUCH about you, and women use body language to decide many, many things about you.

If your body language and communications aren’t working together to create ATTRACTION, then you’re going to get a lot more fake numbers and a lot fewer calls back from women.

And if you haven’t read my eBook “Double Your Dating“, then you need to do that NOW. It’s my original manual for success with women and dating, and it’s the place to get started if you want to take your success with women to the next level. You can download it right now.

I’ll talk to you soon.

Your Friend,

David D.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

glh July 30, 2010 at 5:13 pm

don’t say dickhead shit, best tip

Reply

Bruce November 26, 2010 at 7:04 pm

Dave,

Please excuse me for being long winded here! (with humor)

Here is my situation. I have been out of the dating scene for quite a while. Last Friday night I went to the local karaoke (Bar) and met a lady. I was sitting at the bar like a bump on a log and had been looking at her (I didn’t approach her several stools away because when I looked at her in the bar mirror I saw a ring on her married finger)–lucky for me she came over and said hello and we laughed about the married finger because it actually was reversed from the mirror and was really on her right hand!

A cocktail or two later over the course of the evening I slowed danced with her ( 3 times and sang karaoke to her cheek to cheek–the old standards) and we both loved it and were hitting it off! I gave my card to another lady at the bar that was talking to us for the purpose of a job lead she mentioned where she works–silly me the woman was pretty drunk and I never heard from her later. My point is when I was giving my card to this other woman she said nicely –Oh can I have one? and I said sure! which I did.

At an hour before closing the karaoke bar she said let’s close out and go to her place as she only lived a couple miles away.

We kissed on the couch and a little bit more (no big deal as clothes remained on) for 30 or so minutes and as she told me earlier in the evening she was going to the beach the next day with the girls so she had an early day. It was 2:00AM or so Saturday and she said that earlier at her place that she liked me and I said ditto. She said what would work best is to call her Sunday at 6PM when she got back. I called about 6:07PM and got what sounded like 2 people in a car, first a man answered and did not know a Tracy, passed the phone over to a woman and she didn’t know the person and at the same time I did verified that I had called the number I was given. I had date ideas of what to do that night with Tracy but first effort did not pan out. Mentally regrouping and in a relaxed and calm fashion I called again at 6:22PM and got a female answering voice mail which either could have been the woman I just talked to her or it was Tracy?

Dave, any comments or suggestions ( I’ll send you a can of Almond Roca as a Thank you!–just kidding!)

My plan is I met her week ago at the karaoke bar and so I am going tonight Friday, Saturday and maybe Sunday (I would be going any way regardless of the fact I met her because I am starting a new positive attitude of getting out there, making the effort and finding the ladies that like a slow dance while I sing (example) “The Days of Wine and Roses!”

If I see her my plan is to be low key, nice and just let her know I did call last Sunday, I might even say I was just hoping she was OK.

I might start up ( if I am lucky enough) with another lady there, but maybe I should be careful if she comes in until I find out what happened. If she doesn’t come in I thought to give a call late Saturday AM for one more try? (maybe 1 or 2 more times as you have suggested spread out over every 3-4 days)

Thanks for listening and look forward to your response.

Regards, Bruce

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Pete H. February 22, 2011 at 5:09 pm

My friend and I went to a bar in central New Jersey last Friday night. I’ll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible. My friend is more confident and successful with women than me, which is obviously the reason I’m sending you this email. He approaches two women sitting at the end of the bar and I remain in my seat about six feet away basically playing it cool because I was low on cash, a little buzzed, and worried about driving home past cops aching to hand out a DWI. Meanwhile my friend is sitting between the two of these women and slapping his credit card on the bar ordering a round of drinks. I didn’t want to drink anymore because I had to drive his ass home. Then one of the women, a gorgeous Tara Reid looking blond approaches me, introduces herself to me, and asks about the black ink used as a marker on my right hand put there by a bouncer from the previous place we were at.
“Is that a tattoo? Do you have any other tattoos?”
“No,” I replied. Before she approached me, I spilled my drink on the bar, and was laughing about the incident. “What’s so funny?” she asks. “Oh, I’m just laughing about spilling my drink before so I’m just trying to process what took place.” I was playing it cool acting uninterested in her thinking this would work to my advantage. She was playing with my hair and grabbing my right side. She asked how old I was because I guess my hair made me look young.
“32,” I said.
“I’m 34,” she said.
Small talk followed. Where are you from? Where’s that near? etc. She also asked how far away my house was from the bar. She pulls out a cigarette and asks me to go outside for a smoke.
“I quit.”
“So, you can’t even be around it?” referring to the cigarettes.
“No, I don’t care.” I replied.
She asks me to go to brunch with her on Sunday somewhere up in Jersey City, NJ to meet her sister, etc.
“I can’t, I have to work.”
“Work? What do you do?”
“I work at a super market,” I hesitated, “in a deli.” Then I pretended to get up and walk away as I laughed and said , “Oh, now you’re thinking ‘I don’t even want to be around this guy now, what a loser!” More trivial small talk follows and me feeling totally at ease, I look her straight in the eyes, and say, “Give me your number and if you’re lucky, I might actually call you.” She laughs, grabs a napkin, and writes the digits with a smiley face at the bottom of her number.
My friend orders me a Guiness. Then she asks me if I want to go outside and get some fresh air. Now we’re alone and she’s talking about her half Spanish/Irish and Scottish ethnity just after she struggled to light her cigarette. I’m thinking maybe she wants to make out, but of course, I didn’t do it. I could have, but I choked. I don’t know why because I felt totatlly confident and cool around her. We go inside, the bartenders politely tell the last of us at the bar to leave, and I grab her, his her on the lips, and say, “Take care of yourself,” as I turned around and left with my friend.
Monday arrives, I finally call her at 11:00 am, with my heart pounding, hoping I would just get the voicemail as a reprieve. Sure enough, I get the voicemail, but there’s no name. It’s just the automated voicemail, so I’m thinking she might have given me a wrong number. I did however check the number on a reverse number lookup site and it revealed the number was in the area she said she was living. Well, here I am a day later, and no callback or text. What the fuck? Did I fuck up? Or is this natural just like my friends said about the woman not calling back right away?

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Pete H. February 22, 2011 at 5:18 pm

My bad, bro. I forgot to tell you what I said in the voicemail. I said, “Hey, Alyssa, this is Pete, we met at Maloney’s the other night. Give me a call back at 908-***-***.” (Obviously, I don’t want to give my actual number over the internet, but that’s what I said after I heard the beep to leave a voicemail.)

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Mike July 6, 2011 at 7:57 am

Guys its all about confidence I had a beutiful girl gave me her number and when I left her a message she didnt reply. I texted her twice after no big deal. Seen her at a club was nice and made a jok out of it… Now shes texting me.

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Da Maya July 10, 2011 at 10:42 pm

Really up to – 4 calls to voicemail? Three is usually my limit, but a hot girl gave me her number at a bar without me asking for it, so maybe I will try 4.

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Tony September 26, 2011 at 3:10 am

An old female friend/girl friend and I started hanging out after not seeing each other for seven years. We talked for about 6 months before I took her out. I was reluctant to see her again because of how hard it was to get over her the last time…and getting over her two children.

I’ve enjoyed the last couple times with her and her daughter. She cooked dinner and we watched movies. But…since the first time I saw her, I suspect she hooked up with another old flame whom she ran into the first night I took her out.

Anyway….We talked for awhile last Monday, she seemed excited to hear from me although I just saw her that weekend. I tried calling her again on Thursday to see if she’d like to go out, just the two of us…if her daughter was with her father…but she didn’t answer the phone.

I suspect she is probably more into this other guy and is possibly going to phase me out. Should I wait to see if she calls me back? It’s been three days. Or should I try calling her again?

I want to ask her this: I need to know if you are pursuing something with someone else, if so tell me and I will back off. I really don’t want to end the friendship we’ve rekindled but I also don’t want to keep in contact if she is in a relationship. What should I do. I figure if I don’t hear from her in a week or two I have my answer and will move on and forget her,,,as painful as that will be.

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Luke October 14, 2011 at 1:01 am

I am a 12 year-old boy and am just discovring about girls. So i overheard this girl saying that im cute to one of her friends. So 4 days later i asked for her phone number. She gave me her phone number so i have her mine. So i call her 3 hours after i get home from school and she dosent pick up. I wait half and hour and try again. She still didnt pick up so i leave her a voicemail. The second day i meet her in school and talked with her a bit. So when i get home i wait again 3 hours till i call her. I do so shes on the phone with another person. I think great this is a perfect, this is on her phone probably checking her voicemail right now. So i wait a couple mins till she gets off the phone and try again. SHE STILL DIDNT PICK UP. Im worried that she dosent have any intrest in me at all. Please help.

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